Anxiety is driving my family crazy

[MandyBueno]

It's been a long time since me and my mother get into conflicts. Some words that she said to me really hurt me. I know she didn't mean to say those things but it slipped through her mouth. She Said that my ex is better than me, that he bought his on apartment and he has his own car and will be a succesful engineer and his future wife ( soon to be a lawyer), they will get married this saturday. My mom Said that While he was doing his stuff all i did was cry and bitch around with many men. I do not consider my life this miserable, i graduate this year, i'm soon to be a teacher and i have my own job. Still,i'm lost. I feel like everyone is doing better things, getting married, having kids, buying their own apartment. And when i look to me i feel like going against nature or something, and i'm only 20 years old. I know how young i am my grandma called me yesterday, she Said there is an inner monster inside all of us and we need to fight it. She also Said i might not last longer if i keep being so sick. I recently found out my intestine hasn't been doing so well and i'm Always on pain, and of course suicide was an option for me. Everytime i close my eyes i imagine my favorite scarf around my neck While hangging from my bedroom Window. My grandma knows i've been thinking about it. That's why she spent almost a hour with me on the phone. I am so tired of being a problem. My mom gave me a bucket with nyc pictures printed all over it since she knows i Love nyc. All i do with that bucket is to fill it with tissues right after wiping my tears. I am not a victim i am aware of the harm i have caused myself, and i don't blame my family members.

[hypercat54]

HI Mandy I am sorry you are feeling so miserable. A couple of things though - I can't believe that everyone at the age of 20 has a great job, is buying their own property, and is having kids etc! I think you are doing brilliantly training for a good profession and nearly there at your very young age.

When I was 20 I was still bumming round changing jobs frequently with no idea of what I wanted to do. It wasn't until my late 20's after therapy and meds that I was able to achieve more and make my life a happier place. It wasn't by having kids etc. but by discovering a couple of passions in life but I did go to uni then.

As for your mum her role should be to support you and not slag you off. Do blame her for the things she said to you. Things just don't 'slip out' of peoples mouths like that. If they had then she would have aologised to you and made sure to support you in the future wouldn't she? Did she do that?

My mother said some terrible things to me all throughout my childhood and I eventually came to the conclusion that she was a narcassist with some sociapathic tendencies. I also realised I suffered from CEN (Childhood Emotional Neglect) which helped me a great deal.

Carry on as you are doing great. Stay away from toxic people though and try and surround yourself with loving caring people instead. x

[hypercat54]

Oh I think you should re title your post to 'My family is driving my anxiety crazy' x