Its been a while..

[AmandaLynn427]

Its been a while since my last posting here... and you guys were SO helpful with that I'm hoping someone can help me see the light in this. I'm gonna get a bit personal so if you're squeamish don't read further. Okay...so I went to the gynecologist to get an IUD placed in, it's a inter uterine device to help prevent you getting pregnant and stops your periods and whatnot.

ANYWAY, after the placement I had to make an appointment at the local hospital to get an ultrasound to make sure the thing is where its supposed to be. I go back to the gynie a couple days later and she gives me the results saying the thing is placed correctly however there is what looks like a 4 cm tumor in one of my ovaries. 4 cm is not huuuuuge but still pretty decent size, for being a tumor... the details weren't too specific so I had to go for an MRI a couple of days later. MRI results come in and I'm referred to a specialist, a gynecological oncologist, pretty much a cancer doctor for the reproductive areas. Nerves were definitely rising at this point.

Specialist tells me how the MRI results aren't too clear and don't show the tumor but show a cyst rather in the OPPOSITE ovary (because the image is reversed it may have been the same ovary the said tumor was in..?) All in all, I was confused, the doctor was confused and already mentioning exploratory surgery since we don't know what the hell were looking at. Most of you will probably hate me at this point but...I just got so anxious I practically froze at home. and honestly didn't call the doctor back for 5 months.

Fast forward to the past couple of weeks. I felt a bad cramp a couple of weeks ago that I haven't had in the course of this but my mother in-law said that it may be the cyst popping and that it's all it probably ever was. I got happy for maybe 10 minutes hoping it was the case. But..its been so long. the hospital called me again to set an appointment because the doctor needs to follow up or whatever. I made the appointment and had to go for a new updated ultrasound yesterday morning for our discussion next week on options and results.

I know this is A LOT to take in. But i'll say this. The possible cancerous tumor isn't what i'm worried about surprisingly. It's being on the operating table. I'm a little overweight, been stressed out over work and for the first time ever I have close to high blood pressure but not high enough to need meds. Its just incredibly stressful and I have a tendency to mentally shut down and shove things off for months. The doctor herself said that with this possible surgery comes risks due to my weight and I can get a blood clot or something during the procedure and it was just scary as all hell...

Not sure if any of you can help me calm down or see some light in this situation this time but I'm sure hoping someone can.

Thanks.

[abbycaroline]

I am so sorry for your anxiety and that you’re having to go through this. I have so much medical and doctor based anxiety so I know exactly how you feel. I am thinking of you and sending you hugs

[MelissaC13]

So, this is tough. BUT, you are already fighting against the fearful part of your brain by talking about it. I have been working hard with the motto "A problem shared is reduced by half. Big f-ing problem? Keep sharing!" I am really afraid of the dentist. I had a bad experience but have had good since then.. What I am hoping to convey is that we never give ourselves enough credit for all the strength we really have. I believe that I had so many unresolved traumatic events (complex PTSD) that my aggregate of stressors is reached. With this, each time I face and release my TE I seem to be able to take on more of the stressors.

In regards to your weight. Dr. Esselsytn is a Cleveland Clinic doctor that has revolutionized how we treat, manage and cure heart disease. I found out about him a couple of years ago. It is a radical change in diet but getting by-pass surgery is a radical surgery as well. Any way, he has a documentary called Forks Over Knives. I have been following it and not at all to a T and have lost 50lbs. It is a plant based diet. My BP when following it was (get this, I was 39), was 117/76. My total cholesterol - 142! Unheard of... I was seeing a cardiologist for fear of having a heart condition (I dont, and currently have no risk factors). He said that my number were wonderful. The nurse, I have numbers like a teen athlete. Seriously... So, in the end what has worked for me? PRAYER... Meditation (UCLA has a great mindfulness website) and diet. I still have fear over exercising but am moving more and more every day because I forget I have the fear. So much Love and Prayer sent to you now. I know how you feel... We can change it! Also, real quick. I have one heck of a therapist. She works on herself. So when I go to appointments she has no baggage in the room - just space for me to heal. God Love Amanda Lynn!