Think I’m codependent

So tired of obsessing and worrying over a man. I’m worried he’s not honest with me and doesn’t really care about me. If I step back from the situation, it is obvious he doesn’t care the way I want him to. Maybe I want and need too much. I’m 43, and dealing with a lot of serious life changing events and I focus on whether or not this man wants me.

[fauxartist]

I don't know if your in therapy, but it can help you sort things out. I know that a lot of people don't have very many people they can openly talk to, and it sounds like that would help you. I'm glad your sharing here. these are kind people.

[CazO46]

I'm wondering if you are answering your own question. It can be easy to get 'stuck' in a relationship and not sure if it's time to move on or not. Does it feel like you you need to direct more of your energy towards caring for yourself right now, best wishes

[Hidden in reply to CazO46]

Yes I think I should love myself for sure. After posting I’m thinking it isn’t co dependence but obsession and a need for someone else to make me feel plums now as I write this I’m just plain depressed. I was doing so much better and then I have. Managed to lose everything in about 6 months.

[Pris1980]

Omg how weird you posted this bc I was just about to post something similar...!!! I have the same issue where I fall hard and my feelings become very intense very fast!! Its like Im looking for a man to validate me and fill in all the voids I have in my life. When he doesnt deliver that I feel unloved and unwanted. When he doesnt give me the attention I crave I feel rejected. I give more then I should and always end up being the one taken advantage of. Im currently dating a guy who also suffers from depression and anxiety but refuses to get the help he needs so he drinks daily. I seem to have a pattern of being attracted and attracting those with addictive personalities. I want to help him but he doesn't want to open up to me. Hes a bartender so hes around alcohol and the party lifestyle all day. We usually spend everyday together and today he said he needed a "me day" so it makes me feel rejected and as if his feelings for me have changed. Idk how to change this thought process of mine. Maybe I need to not give so much of myself and hold back so my feelings won't be so hurt. Maybe i need to love myself more like you said and have my own life that doesn't revolve around him. Why do I keep doing this to myself??

[Hidden in reply to Pris1980]

I think loving yourself and having your own life outside of him is the way to go. I always start out that way and then somehow get too caught up in the other person. I’m thinking I need to remember who I am outside of anyone else and what I like to do and do those things. It always seems that I am happier that way. I’m not sure why I forget to keep myself straight that way.

[Eriq70]

It's a hard call. I get very confused myself. Trying to figure out who's on my side etc. I do know that sharing your feelings is the most important thing you can do. Wish I had more to offer. I think also "many hands make light work" so going it alone isn't the best idea either. My opinion of course. If it's useful.

[xiodenn]

Hi there, it is very interesting how Your post opened up my situation. “Codependency”?! Maybe that is the name to my ups and downs. I just closed the door of my room to cry and post my feelings about rejection and that anxiety, that pounding in my chest. This morning I felt ok after a polite chat with my husband, now I am on the floor after an asked kiss and dry good bye... I just feel odd, I just want to cry. You are not alone in this, believe me

[Hidden]

I have a daughter that's going through some of the same issues. Her boyfriend or ex... lives 100 miles away so he is now complaining that the travel is too much for him. He has told her straight up that he no longer wants this relation but calls her and asks her how she is doing and then he starts putting her down.. I see her cry almost every night and don't know how to comfort her... Just wish I could hurt him back.. I tell her she is strong and beautiful and she can overcome all of this... but she just doesn't budge... She is too much in love with individual. I think it just obsession????

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I guess it could be obsession. I know I have a tendency to obsess. I think sometimes when I have been rejected by someone I love and thought loved me, I take it so personally, it’s all my fault, and I hope that I can fix it and make them love me like they did. Not even considering that that it isn’t all me and that I am still a good person and loveable and worthy. At the same, it can be really hard to let go of someone and move forward.

[Hidden]

Like I tell my daughter and I tell you, "people with big hearts get easily hurt" but God will protect you and is watching over you. I also say, if you let him go and he doesn't come back, it's because he was not good for you". Sometimes people walk out of our lives because there is something better or someone better for us. You must be strong, patient and have faith. Day before yesterday, my daughter told him that, he won, because of him just being so mean to her. She tried talking to him and wanting to see him but he didn't want too. Yesterday, she cried and wanted to call him and I told her let him look for you, because once he realizes you are no longer texting, calling, he will find out what he lost.

Be strong!