Lost

[StuB3]

In many ways I’m lucky but I’ve been living a battle for years, wishing change anything while fighting loneliness, being gay, depression, a failing phd and a crap job with nobody to turn to for help. I lost a lot of support with the friends I had when I had to move for my new job without having fully completed my PhD. Now I’m stuck in a life I don’t like and struggling to save any money to change the situation and spiraling deeper and deeper into a losing situation seeing no way to get out and nothing to make me look forward to getting up the next day, no matter what I do. Any help would be appreciated.

[fauxartist]

I'm very sorry your hurting, and that feeling of being lost and can't see a way out is horrible. I wanted to ask if you have a therapist and can see them for help with the depression. I know that I had to do something or I would crash and burn. Have you had these feelings in your life before or is this just since this last change in your life, if not, it' could be just a temporary depression that a therapist could help you with. If it's re-occurring you may need to take meds. or alternative therapies for depression...it will help mellow out the downward spiral....and feelings of despair....you will still have good and bad days, but not so bad once you get help.

Was also wondering if getting into doing something for yourself that makes you feel good might also help, writing, music, reading, movies, going to an art gallery or museum,...anything that will just get you out of your head and give you a mental break while seeking help. Look for group activity's with others that are going through stuff....it helped me a lot. Keep sharing here, writing about it helps a bit, cause you know your not alone....this is a good group of people here...kind.

[peaceout]

I'm sorry you're going through this hard time. Sometimes it takes change in order to fulfill our needs. Try to find options that you can consider pros and cons. Is there a possibility of finding another job that you would be happier in? Any chance of moving back to your last location where you have support of friends? Can you handle work and continue your PhD. studies and, if so, can you afford to? Are there any ways that you can finance your continued pursuit of your PhD. through private funding and/or institutional financial aid? Are there LGBTQ support groups in your area? Can you find low-cost therapy and support groups for your depression close by? etc., etc.

Spend a night with a pad and pencil and write down the situations that would make your life better. Separate the pros and cons of each. The situations with more pros should be those to consider. Then list the steps you need to take to make them happen. Don't make it so hard as to be impossible to fulfill and be realistic with your goals.

I hope you can take steps to improve your situation . Little steps toward your goals are good. Take care . . . peace out

[mysmugcat]

are you in the UK?

[jrcnpg]

As others have commented, you sound chronically depressed (a term psychiatrists use) and certainly that could be managed by a visit to your GP with whom you must be completely open and transparent or else a visit would be a waste of time for the both of you. Initially, your GP may prescribe some sort of medication and for some people that is enough, others, however, need some sort of 'talking therapy'. Your GP should refer you to a psychiatric unit (not as frightening as it may sound as I know from my six referrals to be an in-patient six times to date) to let the psychiatrist see you and then come to whatever conclusion s/he may have arrived at with regard to how your treatment should be managed. There is no shame in being gay but loneliness is truly an evil thing to have you negotiating your way through. Loneliness uses up all your social skills, is insidious and, if left unattended, potentially fatal.Should these words sound far too progressive for you then I apologise completely. My only intention is to let you know that you are not alone (even though you experience loneliness) and that your future need not be buried in a deep obfuscation. I wish you well, my friend.

John

[Windy101]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I can relate to the loneliness of depression. For me it comes and goes. I'm fortunate to have a few people I can reach out to, and our strong connection brings me around. If I can find an absorbing book or movie, that can help. Fresh air. Chocolate. A gratitude list. Journaling about how upset I am. Playing with my pets.

I'm also ABD. I'm tired of feeling bad about it. I timed out, so there's nothing to be done about it. If you can get some student loans and finish your degree, it might be a good idea. If you already are carrying a lot of debt, not such a good idea. But the ABD stigma has got to go.

Those who complete a doctorate either are fotunate to have supportive people and undemanding life circumstances, or they push everything aside to get that degree done. It takes intense focus and being the most important thing in life - at least, that was my experience. I was all set to get ready for my comps when I got a divorce instead. The next few years were involved in staying afloat emotionally and financially. Real life came knocking and I had to close the door on school. Now I'm working on a second master's and loving it most of the time, because it's in a field that's a better match for who I am. I've met wonderful people.

My advice is to go back to school and finish or to go back to finish your current direction. Or, get your resume out there and leave that crap job. It's essential that you put your energy into changing your circumstances. Now is the time to apply for tuition scholarships and assistantships for fall. You sound like a good candidate to me!

Whatever you do, try to look at these circumstances as temporary and within your control. Things will get better. You're a smart person and you can be happy again.