My job as a female security guard is increasing my anxiety and dampening self-esteem also he said my legs are squidgy

[Gene201876]

Evening Guys,

I work in as a female security guard on weekends in retail and the uniform is hideous (obvious to say I am a security guard) as it is tailored more for males and masculine. Even the female uniform blazer they have seems more tailored for a man. As I stand by the barriers and patrol the store I see the stares I get particularly from young teens and children saying mum look with their eyes wide open (astonished to see female security guard) while some are nice stares as I try to play it off with them.

I get male customers patronising me saying ' Do you like the job or how do I find it? Or your to pretty to be a secuirty guard what was I doing there? or the uniform suits me? or have I caught or arrested anybody?

Some customers would come to be asking around for things within the store and then they would see my security logo on the uniform and ask whether I work within the store and then say oh your just a security guard (making me feel useless and irrelevant).

Particularly when I stand by the barriers I would get looked upon nicely (particularly the opposite sex or not) they would smile and then their faces would change when they see my uniform or logo of security. Some would know I am there but just pass me as if I am nothing or not worth talking or looking at!? It makes me feel like people are not taking me seriously particularly when the manager of the store would give me things to face forward and hand me baskets for the mere fact she sees me standing there as if I am doing nothing. However, my whole purpose of being there is to stand and guard the store not be distracted with putting items on shelves or facing forward.

So you guys can you see how this could be making me feel? what are your opinions am I reading too much into things or. I don't really have friends only my family and my daughter. I feel like ending it all really...

My mind seems scattered and all over the place as you can pick from my writting..

Secondly, I have a male security guard that I work with because my anxiety and awkwardness of the situation of being a security guard it could get quite lonely as we guards and its boring. I find I and male colleague talk alot and correspond with each other. I feel he is over friendly with me (I mean I make effort on my hair and makeup despite my profession). I only work with this colleague on a Saturday and sometimes we would take the bus together.

I regret being too friendly and closes with him (not on purpose I just think it was my anxiety) and jokingly said one cold winters day that he could put the parm of his hand under my thigh or leg to keep warm. He felt my leg as I joked with him to feel it (I don't now why?) then he was like my legs felt squidgy that us uni girls love our food. I told him I am studying during week hence why I am only doing Saturdays with him. Fast forward since then he has been joking with me like how are my squidgy thigs and legs?

I squeezed his bum to get my own back and said his bum is squidgy. But he did not think much of it and said 'I know my bum is squidgy' and that he does not take offence to that. I had told him not to say it is squidgy but he said its true though!? so why does this bother me?? should I take it as a compliment or what do you guys think?

Also what coping mechanism can I use to handle this job as a female security guard and not let it get to me as much? i.e. what people think of me? not to let it affect me for now?

Thank you for taking the tie to read

[jkl5500]

Are you receiving any treatment for anxiety and possibly depression? I recommend that you start treatment soon, if you haven't already.

I'm not sure how medical treatment works in the UK, so I can't give you any more advice, other than to begin therapy. It will be a great help to you.

[jkl5500]

A few other things: You have to realize that, as a security officer, your uniform is designed to make you stand out. The uniform (fashionable or not) tells everyone there that there is security in the store. If you are really uncomfortable with people looking at you, you may have the wrong part-time job, because they will look at you.

I don't know if you're attracted to this other guy or not. If you're not, you gave him the wrong signal with the "hand under your thigh" thing. I wouldn't attach too much importance to his comments that you mentioned. It might just be his awkward way of making conversation.

I just hope you're getting some medical treatment for all this. I wish you all the best.

[Xene]

Were you given any training for this job?

[Gene201876 in reply to Xene]

yes

[Want2BHappy3]

Being a security guard can be a dangerous job. I could see that being stressful. That sounds like it's too much to deal with? Have you tried finding another job? If you can't find one? Take a stress leave of absence? Due to my anxiety I had to retire early. Don't know if I'll ever be able to work again? Though I need too. I'm burning through my savings. Good luck to you

[Gene201876 in reply to Want2BHappy3]

Thank you.

[Gene201876]

Thanks for the advice hun but it was only that one time he felt my leg and then he keeps saying squidgy leg. He already tried asking me out and I snubbed him and said we are friends! I will never intertwine the two.