Anxiety

[Luna505]

First, I'm sorry I didn't reply to your messages. Really, I am. Don't take it personal but the social side of my anxiety convinced me that you guys weren't interested, that I would be wasting your time and that you'd guys would prefer it if I would just pretend like I didn't read them.

The social side of my anxiety has cost me a lot. That's an understatement. I analyze everything with obsession and place significance on the things other people wouldn't think twice about. The amount of time you take to respond, the amount of blinks your eyes take before responding, the truth you tell but that I always suspect to be lies, no matter how much evidence there is. My cynicism has turned into paranoia and I wish there was a way to sedate that without making my situation worse.

Sometimes I convince myself that this is all very stupid. That the grip anxiety has over me is there only because I let it. I convince myself that I'm too old for this shit. That if other people can hold a conversation so seamlessly there should be no reason why I can't. I mean for f**ksake this is basic human stuff, basic human nature, why can't you do it? Why can't you just stop trying to please the entire planet and do whatever makes you f**king happy.

I don't know.

I don't know why... I just can't.

When I manage to convince myself that it's all in my head, it finds a way out. It manifests physically. Through nausea, chills, sweat, breathing, heart rate. Goosebumps appear on my skin as if to remind me that it's more then just a mental thing.....

What's worse is the fact that I know people have it worse. I know that people have it so damn worse and my situation is nothing in comparison. My situation is serenity in comparison and I should feel grateful. And yet.. I only end up feeling guilty.

I'm sorry for ranting but I feel better writing this. I'll feel better posting it. Please don't feel obligated to help me, that's not why I'm posting this. I'm sure others need it more.. Just.. thank you for letting me express myself.

[jkl5500]

Yes, others may have it much worse, but you also deserve to have things much better than they are now. I hope you are under treatment for this condition. It's too serious for you to carry around all by yourself with no one helping you. Please get treatment ASAP.

[fauxartist]

I'm glad your sharing,....honestly.....your really hurting and trying to find some understanding why it is the things our minds can do to us. Anxiety is no joke, and it grips some of us in it's vice and just seems to tighten no matter what we do. But as long as you keep sharing, and know ...yes...we are reading it, and yes, many here understand it, your not alone with this.

[CazO46]

You are not alone , it can be easier to share feelings with strangers and it's good to know that others care even if we have never met. We can become 'hard wired' to think in a certain way and it often needs a lot of help to change our negative thought process but you are are aware of your feeling and how they affect you and that gives you something to start with. All the best

[seekingthegood]

Don't ever feel the need to apologize for venting. That's what this space is for and we do want to help you. We're all fighting this fight together and no one wants to see another hurting. i also often feel guilty over my own battle with mental health despite my relatively privileged life. In terms of the delayed response, no worries. We're all in different places in terms of social anxiety and I often feel a similar way