I can’t stop crying

[Sheryl510]

For close to a year, ever since my husband & I split up for about 5 weeks, I just non stop cry every night before I go to bed. Even though he moved out and went to his mom, he would come here still, & every night he’d leave to go to her house, so I think when my husband gives me a kiss goodnight & leaves the room that’s what gets me going, cause I watched him do it for 5 weeks with not a care in the world. While he was gone I caught him with another phone and he was inappropriately texting a game friend, who was a woman. So I know a lot of my anxiety comes from that too. On New Year’s Day, the woman’s husband messaged me and told me my husband and his wife slept together ( my husband supposedly went on a work trip the next state over from her) he met her & another friend at the airport. Not to mention the whole time he was gone there he told me he lost his phone but he didn’t, he just had two phones, pretended the one I found was his friends. I just need someone other than I know to talk to. I can’t take this anymore

[hypercat54]

Hi I find this quite bizarre that you and this man seem to be in no mans land. Either you are together or you have split up. If the latter then you need to move on and put this man out of your life and concentrate on finding someone else in the future. At the moment it is just dragging on and prolonging the agony. What's the point of this?

I thing you need to make some tough decisions. I wouldn't want to be with someone who lies to me as trust would have gone completely. I wonder if he is having his cake and eating it? x

[Sheryl510 in reply to hypercat54]

We are back together. I believe he made some stupid mistakes but I don’t think he slept with her, he definitely did send her inappropriate texts though. It’s impossible to get him to go to counseling with me, so I don’t know what to do. My anxiety is so bad from all of this, never dealt with anxiety before all of this. This is my husband of 18 years. I do understand this sounds bizarre. I was just looking for some outside advice or support. Thanks for responding.

[Sheryl510 in reply to Sheryl510]

He’s cut off all contact with her as far as I know. So he’s not having his cake and eating it too. Again thank you

[hypercat54 in reply to Sheryl510]

Hi why won't he go to counselling with you? I understand you have been married a long time but he seems to just want to carry on without considering your feelings. He has lied to you, sent inappropriate texts and now now refuses counselling. Can you ever trust him again?

I think when trust is gone it's very difficult to get it back and I think unless he starts thinking of your needs too he is being very selfish. x

[Sheryl510 in reply to hypercat54]

I’m not sure why he won’t go. Maybe doesn’t feel comfortable? He keeps saying we can get through this together. When I tell him I need to seek help from a therapist he tells me I can do this with his help. I just feel like this feeling is never gonna go away.

[hypercat54 in reply to Sheryl510]

How is he helping you get through this then? What is the help he is giving you? Are you having serious discussions about it or is he promising it will never happen again etc.? What is he doing to build up your trust in him again? x

[Katzenjammer82]

My ex husband and I were together for nearly 10 years. I found out he was texting and emailing another woman. I confronted him and he apologized. He says nothing happened between the two, but when I saw the text I knew he was lying. I tried to make it work because I loved him.

It took me 9 months to finally leave him and took me another 6 months to realize leaving was the best thing i did.

Cheating, even emotionally, is cheating

[Sheryl510 in reply to Katzenjammer82]

Do you think counseling with just me would help? I’m not comfortable talking face to face with someone I don’t know, but if it’s something that may help me get past all of this, whether I leave him or not, I’ll do it. Thanks for responding

[Katzenjammer82 in reply to Sheryl510]

It’s something I highly recommend. It is hard opening up to people. Especially when they’re sitting right in front of you. But getting a professional outsiders point of view can be helpful. They’re really good at helping people see things from a point of view they may have never even considered.

Of course, my opinion, is he should attend as well. There is a problem in the relationship and it takes two to make a relationship work. So you going alone will be helpful to your mental health ( which is very important) but it won’t help the relationship. If he’s not willing to try to fix things there’s not much you can do other than to accept your life as it is now or put yourself first. Because when it comes to your life you are the most important person. No one deserves to be treated the way he treated you. I’ve been there. Finding out the one person you counted on most is cheating on you is soul crushing.

[Sheryl510 in reply to Katzenjammer82]

Thank you 🙂

[Slime in reply to Sheryl510]

Hi. I would recommend a book by Katherine Woodward Thomas called Conscious Uncoupling: 5 steps to Living Happily Even After. Please Google this author and book. It helped me a lot when my husband and I were separated and almost divorced. It might help you, too. Good luck. Hope it all works out for the best for you.

[Commanche7 in reply to Katzenjammer82]

Absolutely,

[Sheryl510]

Thanks