Anxiety or a rational fear

[tashalyn]

So it is me again

Seriously this depressive episode is getting the best of me, this is the fourth month and am still not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, don’t know how many weeks/months this will last.

So since the start of this week I have been stuck on the thought what if life isn’t real and existence only exists in my mind

Today morning it hit me like bricks

And kept hitting and hitting making me extremely fatigued and depressed, however I kept ignoring it and going on with my day.

Then it hit me how weird of a thought this is, and it is a distorted process of thinking; THEN the bomb..what if my depression is turning into psychotic depression? What if am exhibiting symptoms of psychosis and this will escalate and I will be a danger to myself or others. That is when I felt so dizzy and nauseous.

This is hell

Pure hell

[hopetogetbettersoon1]

I have been feeling the same way! This started almost five months ago. I started to have anxiety worrying about my kids health and it turned into would I do something out of character, hurt someone, am I bipolar, do I have a serious mental illness. Anything bad I am thinking is me. I know it is not but my mind can't stop. It is awful. I am know feeling so depressed. Does this get any better?

[tashalyn in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

It does get better, I had two episodes in the past after which I was fully symptom free, it is only four months ago that I relapsed. Are you seeing someone or are you taking any medication?

[Sprinkle1]

Yes it is hell, I am in the same pit, going on for months and getting worse, changing med's and hoping to find one that will pull me out. I would talk to a pysch. Dr. and get some sound feed back. I wish both you lady's well. Sending Peace, Love & Hugs. Sprinkle 1

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Sprinkle1]

Do you feel like you are going crazy? What meds are you on?

[hopetogetbettersoon1]

My GP put me on Prozac which made me feel worse and then Effexor. They made my mind race. I was given mirtazapine but have been afraid to take it. Four years ago I had bad anxiety and then the unwanted thoughts and some how got over it but I feel like this time is worse. Does anxiety make you depressed and have these crazy thoughts. Will it get better once the anxiety is gone? Does anxiety make you think you are crazy?

[tashalyn in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

Anxiety does make you feel you are going crazy, what kind of thoughts are you having and how are they making you feel?

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to tashalyn]

That I am going crazy, that I might hurt someone, that I don't care about anything. They make me anxious and sick when I think them but then I wonder if they are true. I'm not enjoying things I usually like to do and feel like I can loose it on someone but then when I think like that it makes me so anxious. In the morning when I wake up I right away feel anxious and my heart starts beating, I also can't sleep that good. My dreams are all about anxiety. It is just really weird. I think I gave myself a nervous breakdown. I feel like my brain is just thinking everything negative. How do you feel? Are you taking any meds?

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

No you’re not and will never go crazy. My psychiatrist Anxiety cannot lead to psychosis or schizoprenia. You wouldn’t be aware that you’re crazy if you truly are. Psychotic and schizoprenic people cannot distinguish what’s real and what’s not.

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

Do you think anxiety can give you another mental illness? Did you feel that you were crazy?

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

I felt I was going crazy or about to lose it anytime. Yes, the intrusive thoughts at first made me feel like I’m going mad. My anxiety lasted for 9 months but I’m currently doing good now in handling them. I think my mind just got used to them that I don’t see them alarming anymore.

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

How did you get rid of the anxiety? Did you take any meds? I don't want to take any because I tried it and I felt like they made me worse! Did you feel that the thoughts were making you depressed?

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

I was prescribed lexotan, I could only take it when needed. But I didn’t even if I need to take it. I didn’t want to be dependent on meds. And yes, when at the peak of my anxiety it feels like there’s no end. Like I’m gonna be like this forever. But trust me, it will get better.

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

This happened to me 4 years ago when I got myself all worried and anxious but I got over it. This time when the anxiety hit I said oh no I don't want to feel like last time and this time I feel it worse. Did you loose sleep when you were going thru it and feel like your insides were going 100 miles a minute?

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

I had my first anxiety attach 6 years ago after giving birth to my son, suffered for almost a year then went to a “remission” but anxiety was always there in the form of health anxiety. My second anxiety attach was last april and didn’t calmed down until last december. It was much worse than my first anxiety attck as it was accompanied by intrusive thoughts now.

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

Same exact thing as me! Did you feel that you would do something out of your character? That is what gets me is how I could of gone to fearing about my kids health to if I could hurt someone. Is that what happened to you?

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

Oh yes. My anxiety before was always focused on mine and my children’s physical health. Now it’s mental health. My intrusive thoughts before were all about “what if I have cancer” or “what if this headache is aneurysm” or my when my children gets fever I would always imagine the worst case scenario like Leukemia or whatever. Now I my what if’s are focused on me hurting my children or other people. At one point my intrusive thoughts were so bad that I questioned myself if I already hurt my children and I just don’t know it because I’m already crazy.

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

Oh my, that sounds just like me! I just don't get how we can go from one extreme to another. Did it make you depressed? I feel a little better now with the depression but I was getting really depressed. I think it may have been the Prozac but not sure. I only took it for a month but didn't like how it made me feel. At the beginning I just wanted to feel better. Are you married? I ask because my husband doesn't get it.

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

Yes I get depressed, but the weird thing is, the anxiety vanishes when the depression sets in. Lol I think my brain know that I couldn’t handle both. Yes, married to an amazing guy, I have two kids also who means the world to me. My husband has been very understanding since day one, and would listen to me. Everytime I tell him my anxiety is flaring up again he comforts me.

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

My kids mean the world to me also. I have two boys. That is why I think it gets me so bad to feel that I can have these stupid thoughts! I'm glad that I found someone that could understand. Not that I would wish it on anyone!

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

Same. It’s really comforting. I’m really hoping that you find peace of mind. You can message me of you need to vent or ask anything! And remember, thoughts doesn’t define us.

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

Thank you so much! When you are going thru it, it feels so real...ugh

[AntiSocialSocialClub in reply to Anxiousjy]

Oh wow , I have the exact same thing! every time I'm anxious then I get depressed my anxiety vanishes. Sometimes when I'm anxious I even feel like I want to get depressed, but then that's kind of like going backwards...

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

Sleeping was never really a problem not untill I was waking up around 3 in the morning to pee and find it hard to go back to bed. but I would always wake up with a terrible headache.

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

That is what is happening to me. Going to sleep is fine but when I wake up my mind starts racing and I think that I am crazy!

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

Anxiety sucks. Wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But you know, it made me realize that I am stronger than I think. And no, it will make you feel like you’re going crazy but you won’t.

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

I know but when you are going thru it you really feel you are crazy. At one point I thought I would end up in a mental hospital. Did you feel like that?

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

Yes. Everyday I was just waiting for a mental breakdown. Like any moment I could go into madness and never return again. I think that’s whats fueling my anxiety. The thought of hurting my children, and being locked up in an intuition and not being able to take care of them. But my psychiatrist assured me like 20x that I am not crazy and will not ever get crazy. But I don’t believe him hahaha! You can never convince someone with an anxiety disorder. Hahaha

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

So true - my psychiatrist said the same thing to me. At times I think will I just tell someone off which I would never want to do and it gives me anxiety. I was questioning myself how can I love my kids having these thoughts even though I know that I do with all my heart and that is why I started with he anxiety. How old are you? This anxiety hit me at 40...ugh. My thing was going on line reading because I wanted answers and thinking I had all these mental illnesses that they talked about and thinking anxiety could turn into another mental illness!

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

I’m 27, Did you ever have the intrusive thought to just hit someone in the face while they’re talking? Lol like wtf. Or just shout out loud in a public. My mind would tell me “ what if you screamed aloud?” While I was having dinner with my family at a restaurant. Or “what if you take off your clothes” so stupid.

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

YES.....that is exactly what I think. Even something stupid like pick my nose. I can't even eat like I used to because of my nerves. Did you feel like that?

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

Sorry, I don’t understand the thing about nerves. Can you elaborate more?

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

My inside are all nervous from the anxiety and my thoughts!

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

No, I don’t really feel that. Just the occasional dizziness and hyperventilation. Or butterflies in my stomach (not in a good way)

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

I get my heart pounding like it is going to beat out of my chest!

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

I’ve had palpitations. But with my first anxiety attack 6 years ago, I actually fainted.

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

I fainted the first time I had the anxiety also. This is the third time it has hit me.

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

Well now we’re more in tuned with our bodies. Where are you from if its ok to ask?

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

I agree! Now I don't even worry about my psychical symptoms anymore just why I have thoughts I do...ugh. I am from Massachusetts. Where are you from?

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

Me too! I’ve had the worst headache a couple of days ago and it didn’t even worry me because I’m too preoccupied about going crazy. Hahaha! I’m from the Philippines ❤️

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

I feel like I don't worry about the kids either like I used too which gives me anxiety because I am preoccupied by going crazy also...ugh. Does that happen to you? I just feel like I am not the same person...ugh

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

Yes. I also lost emotion towards my 2nd kid and it made me so guilty. I know I lover her so much and I would die for them but that’s how anxiety work. Does your mind races with music too? Mine does. It’s like having a radio 24/7 but I don’t actually “hear it”. It’s inside my head. My psychiatrist said its normal but its very irritating

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

I feel like I am emotionless to everything and it gives me anxiety feeling like that. I know that I love my kids so much too and that is why I got to this place. It is a vicious circle. I know this happened to me last time and I got over it but this time I feel it is worse because I think the anxiety causes the thoughts so I can't get rid of the anxiety and then the thoughts cause the anxiety....ugh. Not really music but when I took the meds my mind was racing of music and numbers. Now it races that I'm crazy and going to loose it. My mind is all over the place. Is yours?

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

You don’t know how much this means to me. I have day when I don’t have emotional connection towards my 2nd child and I feel so guilty. I would cry because I know how much I love my kids.

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

Hopefully we can both get over this nightmare!

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

I try so hard for my kids not to know that anything is wrong! Do you find yourself looking for answers all the time on line?

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

Yes. There’s never been I day when I don’t go online.

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

Sometimes I feel like I'm so disconnected to everything, do you?

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

Yes. Depersonalization and derealization. I question if I’m really here.

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

Yes...it is crazy! Did you feel like that last time before you got better?

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

No. I felt this with my second attack which was the recent.

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

No. I felt this with my second attack which was the recent.

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

Same here which scares me because I didn't feel like that last time! Do you feel like you have less patience with the kids?

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

Yes! God, it’s so comforting that I am not the only one. I feel like a bad mother which gives me more anxiety

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

Me too! I think maybe I am this bad person with my thoughts but I know deep down I'm not....ugh

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

It’s so hard to live with these thoughts. I would rather have my arm of foot amputated than to live like this.

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

Same here! I look forward to bed at night to not have to think which is sad. Do you feel like you don't enjoy doing things you used to?

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

Yes all the time. I used to enjoy going out with mu husband and friends, but my stupid mind keep telling me that it will just worsen my anxiety.

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

Same here! I always wanted to be out and about and now I don't :-(. I always bragged about my kids and when people ask me about them I don't even want to talk about it because I feel like a bad mom.

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

I feel you. I felt emotionally detached which frustrated me.

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

Are you feeling better with that?

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

With what?

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

feeling emotionally detached!

[Anxiousjy in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

Of course not. I love my kids so much and being emotionally detached makes me feel like a bad mom. I feel so guilty

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

Same here.....ugh! We will get better though! It is so hard because I know it is the anxiety causing the bad thoughts so know I have anxiety over the bad thoughts and the anxiety!

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

Are you feeling better?

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to Anxiousjy]

another question, did you feel like the anxiety would never go away?

[tashalyn in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

It’s anxiety it’s just damn anxiety finding it’s way to lurk in. Yes I feel that way too. Racing negative crazy out of this world thoughts all starting with “what if” which is the hallmark of anxiety. I am on medication, two antidepressants

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to tashalyn]

Are they helping you? Can anxiety make you depressed? I feel like I am. It is awful, feels like a night mare. I feel like all my thoughts scare me. Even when people use the word Crazy it gives me anxiety because I think that I am. ugh

[hopetogetbettersoon1]

Did you feel like you were? Also I feel irritable, is that part of anxiety? Have you taken meds? If so, do they help?

[tashalyn in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

Yes anxiety and depression usually go hand by hand, see I was first diagnosed 8 years ago, was put on Prozac took some damn 8 weeks to work but it did and I was symptom free for 3 and half years then I relapsed so they increased the dose and that gave me another good symptom free years. This past October I had the worst relapse of all time, the doctor increased the dose of Prozac and added a tricyclic antidepressant to the mix. It’s been 3 months now am still waiting and praying for symptoms to go away, but meanwhile I do have some okay days and some omg I will go crazy days. I just take it one day at a time

[hopetogetbettersoon1 in reply to tashalyn]

Did the Prozac make you feel worse before better because she only had me on it for three and a half weeks and then changed me to Effexor which was awful? Did something bring on your anxiety? I know what brought mine on was worrying because my son had an xray at the dentist and I read it can cause cancer. I got obsessed reading about it and now I'm not worry about that but about the depression and crazy thoughts. I am going to try to do what you are doingand take it one day at a time. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to end up in a mental hospital!

[tashalyn in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

It actually did make me feel worse much worse before I felt better. I was lucky I had my family support, was around family the whole time and was seeing my doctor weekly at that initial phase. My anxiety came out of the blue, one day am attending an engagement party dressed up and dancing next day am in my car having what I thought was a heart attack that was actually a panic attack. We all have that fear: ending up in a mental hospital. That’s anxiety again, with time you will learn to detect when it’s anxiety. Are you on any meds now? And are you seeing a therapist and most importantly do you have family support?

[hopetogetbettersoon1]

I don't know if it was the anxiety or the Prozac but when I was taking it for a couple of weeks I felt depressed and didn't want to get out of bed (I had to though to come to work and bring the kids to school). It was so hard and still kind of is. This all started with me at the end of August. I know it is anxiety because I've had it two times before but this time it has made me depressed which is giving me more anxiety and these thoughts scare the hell out of me because they are so not me but then I think maybe they are and I need to be in a hospital...ugh. I want to try the mirtazapine to help but now I'm fearing meds after last time. I did go talk to a psychiatrist and he was the one that gave me the mirtazapine and I was suppose to go back but didn't take the meds so I haven't gone back yet. I feel like I keep going on line looking for answers and everything I read I think it is going to be me. Did this happen to you? I do have family but they live an hour away. My husband doesn't really get it. He tells me to try to forget about it. I need to get better for my kids.

[Crochetattic in reply to hopetogetbettersoon1]

I’m 64 and this is my third time with anxiety and panic but this time more depression tried lots of meds to no avail but now waiting on can’t but appt not til September 11 I feel so nervous inside and can’t stop thinking the worst list all interest and have been out of work since February and about to not have a job. I know your post is older but I’m hoping and praying this goes away as quickly as it came. A lot of mind is health anxiety do you see a therapist or in meds?

[Kevin160]

Look i get how you feel , my problem is whenever i think of an irrational thing or anything , i start believing it or thinking about it eventhough deep down i know its not real , im young and healthy , but i have a fear of being sick physically or having heart problems , i started getting physical symptoms because of it that at some point made me tell people that im having heart attack , it was embarrasing because like i then realized that im actually fine and its all good , if you cant believe every single thought , then u are allowing those thoughts you get to be in your mind because you knowthat this is your new “normal” but it does t have to be , know that u will be fine and regardless of what u think know that most of your thoughts are in your mind , thinking of it doesnt make it true , just think that its ok to have these thoughts , just dont let them control u because nothing will change reality and the world , stress wont change anything , we all are trying to act upon it i know it true but i get that easier said than done