As every day, we learn a bit or die a bit.

[WebbAnd13]

This is meant for all us that just get out of bed.

Please see my feelings about the day. ThIs is the end of my 2nd day with no job, no prospect for anything, no money or even a thought of what to do. Students and players miss me, but it is a fleeting moment. My Mother has no clue what is going on. I try to tell her, in simple terms, but she can’t understand how I could fail at something. I guess it not what a mother, thinks about her only Child, when he has everything the way it supposed to happen , in the order it supposed to been. Well after no grandchildren for my mother due to this unbelievable travesty that is career and failing, she(and I) are not even discussing the topic. Everything else is window dressing.

I have told her, it is me, not my wife’s I am a failure, in relationships, family, work, and friends. I said I’m sorry and wanted some absolution. A pat on the back , a 20$ in your hand, and all is right in their safe world.

As for the rest of us, Knowing that we are never the same again. No more innocence. We are degraded, pushed to the back of the pile. Oh need detox, here some aspirin. 1 every 12 hours Oh, you have a mental situation caused by the very subance is why we are “crazy”. God I hate this place on life.

And the sadness of all of this is it just takes only the effort of a spouse, child , family members or the dozens of the “I will help” freinds that figure

I have done my part. Thanks these same people will be at the end, at the funeral and wake, give a great story about you and them. But really you were dying and hurting so bad internally and mentally you just wanted to curl up and pass with out anyone noticed, they had no clue, until it is too late.

As one of our Presidents. Dwight D Eisenhower, said as his life was moving in to Sumsumsetset of an accomplishment life, “Put your hand into a bucket of water, as you pull it out, notice the ripples and other water that was disturbed. Now, look at the water, nothing is disturbing the water. Your hand is your life and the ripples are the effect of your life has the creating some ripples ? That

Water in the bucket, our lives and others live

at the time.

But at the end of the hand in the water, it settled and no one knows you were there.

It was heartbreaking as all of the situations with Sonya. I am trying to do what I am supposed to and carry the loss as it my burden and what should I do. Please give me some guidelines on what I am and should.

I can’t go on this way much longer. I have no friends that want to help, I I am in a place

that I know nothing that would help my deviation

is one even had a clue on what is wrong with me.

Addiction is a sickness, not a moral failing.

But it is a fight to the death for our life. I have seen how people change as soon as they know that you are in recovery and fighting as hard as anyone can. They look down their nose. They avoid eye contact, never allow you to be alone with any person, The look at when you are shopping.

Wondering what did you steal in the store, or worse, what are you going to steal to pay your dealer. Don’t let them in the house, school, gym or field.

They are tainted and the stain will not come clean. Whether it is a choice or disease, it removes love, then your soul and eventually your physical body and control. We are empty, alone and damaged beyond repair,

As much of the “Support” others promise or their say we will help, till it gets tough, or the hours don’t don’t match up with their schedule. Or you are trying and need some one to just be with you so you make it thru the day. And finally your love ones finally say “I can’t take it and you are damaging my life so get out of my life and don’t come back. You will never be whole or I am doing this for your health and recovery.

Yea , right. You will see my vessel at the funeral home.

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

You truly sound like you should call a crisis helpline. I’m worried about you. Does your mom truly know how bad off you feel? If not talk to her. As a mom it would kill me to see my son at any age hurting and not being able to help or that he felt he couldn’t come to me no matter the situation I’m in. As far as people judging you they should be praising you for taking the initiative to get clean and sober. I sure do! I know too many people who have no accountability for their actions! Now that you have hit the bottom and gotten sober the only way is up from here. Being sober will allow that. Being out of work for only 2 days as hard as that may be is only the beginning. Don’t give up. Any job is better than no job just to get money and to keep occupied. If you’re not finding your dream job right away try one lower to get back on your feet while you look. I got a job at a gas station convenience store. Seeing regular customers and friendly chatting really is rewarding to me. I went to nursing school then worked in hospital ICU for 14 years. Now I’m at a gas station since retiring on disability and I love it! It’s actually fun because it’s not stressful at all. It also sounds like you have some fair weather friends. At least you have that. I wish you had more support. I’m going to bed soon. It’s almost 3 am where I am but will be here a while if you need to talk. You can also message me anytime. I may not be much but I can listen. You are worth it! Please don’t give up. It’s awful but you have a fresh sober start now. Make the best of it! It took a long time to get to this place. It can’t hapoen overnight but it can happen! One day at a time. I do know your frustration. You’re not alone.

[fauxartist]

I don't think saying your feeling sorry for yourself is helpful...I find it dismissive. I applaud this person for trying to cope with all this darkness while getting clean and sober. But you cannot do it alone. Get to a meeting, or group that is recovery orientated. Nobody is going to judge you because they are all in the same boat.When you are coming down from everything, you are going to be in a very dark place, and you need support from others who have gone through the same thing. Over time and with counseling and group support for addiction, your self esteem and self image will get healthier, you just have to grab your ass with both hands at this point and push yourself forward in the direction of a group of like minded people also in recovery so they can help and guide you through this emotional roller coaster. Friends and family are not going to be able to help you unless they too are in recovery. Nobody understands addiction like another who is recovering. This is something you have to do by choice, your choice for you.

This has nothing to do with 'self will', or 'just get over it', or 'morals'. It's a disease that needs to be treated no differently than if you had heart disease. You wouldn't tell someone with heart disease to just get over it? The help is out there for you.

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell in reply to fauxartist]

Fauxartist, Were you replying to my response? I hadn’t said anyone was feeling sorry for them but your response is to my response. Maybe my eyesight is crooked. That’s quite possible.😜 Just checking. I don’t want to have worded something wrong that might make Webb feel worse.

[gogogirl]

I hope you will call a crisis or even a warm line. Being out of work for two days is a drop in the bucket. Also, it sounds like you have real courage in admitting that you need help. Lots of people just wait it out and no change happens. Even a temp job or training for something new can lead to a new beginning.

[fauxartist]

the person who left a response that said...'my aren't we feeling sorry for ourself today', deleted their reply...so mine was in response to their comment, certainly not to yours, I was actually a bit miffed that someone would be so callous, I guess they got the message and that's why they deleted their comment to your post.