How do I help my husband?

[minniemouse162]

Hello all,

My husband is having a very hard time with depression and anxiety. He is seeing a psychiatrist and therapist, and that has helped some, but he’s still having a hard time.

His job requires that he take certain university level classes in order to keep his position. Last semester, it was just too much. We decided together that he could quit his job, I could provide and he could focus on getting well. (And later going to grad school)

I have felt slightly uneasy about this decision just because I know having a job motivates him to get out of bed each day. I don’t want his depression to get worse because he doesn’t have anywhere to be at a certain time.

Tonight, he told me he was envious of the “drive” I have for building my business (which actually came from the pressure of soon being the sole provider). He told me he wish he had drive. He expressed that he feels like he’s not going anywhere. He doesn’t want to “be a bum”. (I assured him that he’s never been a bum, even when on days when he doesn’t work.) I know this is depression talking, but it truly breaks my heart. I don’t know what to do— seems like a darned if I do, darned if I don’t situation.

I guess this is mostly just a post asking for prayers and any advice you may have. I love my husband so much and wish I could take this burden from him. 😔

[Pearl67]

Oh minnimouse! I will certainly lift you and your husband in prayer! Mental health issues are so very sad...

But there IS HOPE!!! He is lucky to have you!

[Hidden]

This will take time minniemouse162. Thankfully he has you and you sound like a very supportive person, since you've come here to seek aid! It is good that he has sought professional help as well. Perhaps you might find this link helpful:

adaa.org/finding-help/helpi...

The ADAA has many good resources and the folks on this site are quite supportive as well. We all wish we had a magic wand to use against anxiety and depression. Educating yourself about the issue and continued love and support will greatly help! Sending you and your husband wonderful thoughts and goodness.

[20Voices]

Your husband is very lucky to have you supporting him. My marriage broke up because of my anxiet and depression because my husband was not prepared to help me and his family blamed me for not taking care of him when I called them and asked them to support him while I was getting better. I had called them because I was well aware that I had turned into a very sad and confused person and thought that if he had the right support that he would understand better what I was going through. I even asked if he would come and support me at a stress control class I was taking and I tried to explain it was so that he could remind me of what had been advised at the class, but he just told me that he didn't need a stress control class. I just wanted someone with me to make me feel safe and who I could talk to about what advise they had given.

Anyway my Mum went along with me and she got as much out of it as I did and she really enjoyed spending time with me.

From my own experience I would suggest possibly asking his therapist and also coming up with a plan with your husband and his therapist, if that is possible, about what to do to help him in those tricky situations.

I set daily goals and worked on the journals and though records and exercises that I was given. I learned not to beat myself up about the days I couldn't do all that I needed to do. I have a set of mantra's to remind me that I am only human. I have found that listening to music helps me with my mood at times.

I was out of work for over 2 years because of the anxiety and depression, but I now have a job in a vastly different area from what I did before and although it doesn't pay as well I am a lot happier because I can just go in do my job and go home again. I don't need to worry about meetings or office politics. It is just what I need right now.

Your husband will get there, but it does take time and it is tricky for you because you will find that sometimes he wants your support and at others he won't want it, so that is why I am suggesting maybe seeing if you can speak to him and his therapist about how to help.

Let him know you are there for him and be patient. Sometimes just even a hug is all that is needed.

If he does have a really bad day and has been keeping a journal suggest he look at it that thinks about how far he's come since this all started.

Take care and stage strong you can both get through this.

[Hidden]

Can it be midlife crisis?..do you know what brought it on?..