Just need some conversation today

I’ve been doing really well, but today is a little set back. I’m feeling lonely, and would like to chat a bit if anyone is available.

68 Replies

  • Hi, I'm here. Don't know if I'd be much of a chatter, but I will try.

  • Thanks, I ended up taking a nap which is usually a no no because then I don’t sleep good at night, which I usually only get about 5 hours anyway.

    How was your day?

  • Glad you're feeling better

  • That's nice to have a group of people communication for no specific reason/reasons BUT if u are now awake & want to natter or get something off your chest.......Talk away . I'm also a retired nurse so if u want advise re any medical condition u need a second opinion re cause ........and treatment. I'll try my best to put my thinking hat on

  • It is hard or even impossible to tell people the truth about bad feelings. They label you as negative and then disappear. This is a good forum to vent.

  • Well.............I think people who are negative don't get there overnite. They have got to that position thru a period of time lapse & things have happened to them en route so........I'm neither but as time goes on & more happens I can see myself being very negative . So If u want to chat or discuss something PLEASE feel FREE . Jxx

  • Hi krierandrosie, yes it is hard to speak out about our issues. I feel we get a stigma placed on us, and those who have never suffered think we are just not trying hard enough to relieve the negative thoughts. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. At least we have all found a safe place here to talk about whatever we need to without being judged. Thank goodness for this site!

  • Agreed. They are probably lying about how happy they are. They are rude and selfish. You have to express your feelings to start healing.

  • I WOULD wish this on my worst enemy. I have many nasty relatives, and U wish they could suffer the way I have. They deserve it. Emotional pain is worse than physical pain.

  • I guess you are right. There are a few people I would like to see suffer the way I have. Especially the ones who judge me. I can’t stand being judged. One in particular comes to mind.

    I need to get my spunk back. I used to feel like I could conquer the world. I would stand up for myself, and I would get angry when I felt compromised by anyone. Now all I do is worry that I have offended someone whenever I’ve been in social contact. Even on social media. I’ve deleted my Facebook account so I won’t have to worry about that anymore.

    It actually feels good to get a little angry.

  • It’s awesome to know we have a nurse here on board. I can’t think of anything medical at the moment, but it’s great to know you are here in case something comes up. Can you share some of your experiences with us? Or is it against confidentiality policy, even if you don’t mention any names?

  • Me too

  • Thank you! It’s so good to know that we have people here when we need someone. As I said above I ended up taking a nap.

  • Naps are part of my survival - wasn't always that way. Sometimes, all I need is a good dream (one of encouragement and power)

    But, haven't had one of those yet. :-)

  • Well I’m rooting for you to have one of those real soon!

  • Hello, I’m always here if you need someone to chat with!

  • Thanks a bunch! I wanted to chat, but now I am at a loss for words since I took a nap. This anxiety is crazy stuff.

    I’m feeling a bit better though. How are you doing?

  • Doing fairly well, just waiting for work to close at 830 so I can head home!!

  • You live in a warm climate?

  • I live out west. Born and raised in California where if never snows. Now in Nevada where it’s a tad bit colder than what I’m used to, and we do get snow. I’m missing my hometown which adds to my depression and anxiety.

    How about you?

  • Cleveland, Ohio. Never been to California.

  • Morning, tell us about yourself, this is a great place to talk x

  • Morning, let’s see. I am a 53 yo female. Wife, Mother, and Grandmother. Did not have depression and anxiety through the years. I had one episode about 5 years ago which didn’t last long. This time however that is not the case. It’s been 10 months. But we did move away from our hometown, and everyone I love and care about. I miss everyone so much that it hurts to think about them. But I am at least starting to have a few brighter days mixed in with the bad.

    How about you?

  • Am 59, struggled with depression all my life, but deal with that really well, refuse to take medication, the anxiety has just been last year, after bout of vertigo, have very stressful job, take one day at a time. The loneliness is the worst, even with lots great friends, still come home to empty house. Most days ok, just the odd blip. Paid for some REDM , which really helped, rapid eye desensitisation movement, xx having tonwait 30 weeks fir CBT, wasn’t viable x

  • Sorry to hear you are so lonely. Maybe coming here and chatting about our days, what’s for dinner, how are you feeling ect will help.

    What is so stressful about your job?

  • I work in housing and we have had our funding cut, so the service been slashed but tenants want the service still, not enough staff to do it, also I now manage 3 different services instead of one, too busy, staff off sick etc etc. Looking forward to a dinner dance tonight, my first proper night out in ages, thanks lovely x

  • How was your night out Florida1959?

  • It was a step in the right direction, struggled a bit and didn’t last past 10 pm, but I did it, yeah xxx thanks lostjoy xxx

  • Yay! I’m glad you got out! Every little step counts.

    What Country do you live in? I’m in the US where everything is decorated for Christmas right now. I usually love the holidays, but this year not so much.

  • I am in uk, I am not keen on Christmas, to feeling it this year, love the break from work though. X

  • Glad to hear you get a break from work.

  • How you doing x

  • I must have missed this. I’m doing ok. Had some really bad days with anxiety, but hopeful they will pass. How are you?

  • Apart from the vertigo, doing ok, ( it was the vertigo that brought on the anxiety), went fir some healing yesterday to kick start my body, head and heart fairly strong though, have great day x

  • Good to hear.

  • How you feeling today, are you in the US?

  • I have had an ok today, thanks. Yes I am in the western US? How about you? I figure you are in Florida because of your profile name.

  • No I am in uk, but with a common name of Gill, I couldn’t get profile, my brother lives inFlorida, I love it there, xx so it’s early morning for me, I think the time differences confuse me x

  • Hello,

    I would love to chat with ya. What can you tell me about ur self?

  • Hi sash..........I'm Jeannii I'm not sure IF u have replied to me & want to chat but if u do, I'm here now............ J

  • Hi Jeannii, this chat is for everyone, what’s going on in your life that has you seeking help here. This site is great because we can write whatever we are feeling with no judgment, because we’ll all going through similar stuff.

  • Hi Sash86,

    I guess just the basics. I’m 53, female, married with adult children who live 6 hours away from our new move. I miss them terribly. Would give anything to go back home.

    What’s your story?

  • I have been a widow since I was 35 BUT my daughter has never wanted me to have anyone in my life & since I wanted her to do well in scholl & Uni, I thought by giving her the security she would do well. I also paid for her education BUT she has nurt me deeply by sleeping with her Boss after 24 hrs at work & spent her entire life lying to me becos she has made nothing of her life . She also has married this man whom I caught lying after apologising 2 mins between LIE 1 & LIE 2 . She lives with singapore,,,,,,,,,,,I never lie & find lies difficult to cope with I think people who lie disrespect u .BUt I' m OK except for crippling back pain . I had spinal surgery 11mths ago when I had my lumbar spine fused to slow down deterioration .I am emotionally very strong. I live & do everything myself. Unless I can have a 100% genunine friend, I'd rather do without .

  • Jeannii,

    sounds like you are doing a great job on your own. Unfortunately we can’t control what others do, even our own kids. Sometimes it hurts us to watch our kids make mistakes, but I can speak from experience that when I was young I wouldn’t listen to advice from my elders. I learned everything the hard way, and I have made some heavy mistakes that I wish I could change. That’s part of my depression and anxiety at the moment. I tend to focus on the should haves when I know in reality the only way to get past this is to let the past go and focus on making the future better. Applying it sometimes is harder than saying it though.

    Sorry to hear about your surgery. I hope you did have someone to help you through recovery.

    Wishing you good health and happiness.

    Chat anytime. I love to chat.

  • Hi Joy..........I have VERY high standards which are self imposed which makes life difficult for me & EVEN I question my own sanity !! Why & WHAT for? NO one sees your values so what does that matter BUT I say, I DO . Many years ago when I was selling my house & was offered the asking price for the property & I accepted. A few hours later someone else came along & upped the price by £5000.00 . I had only at this time agreed , nothing had been taken off the board, nothing signed ....as I said 4 hrs later . BUT I turned the higher bidder down & said I had just agreed to the sale verbally 4 hrs ago so the buyer said what's the problem then? I said I had verbally agreed , He laughed at me & said I was proabbly the only person left in London who stands by their word. I guess I replied ......He said he admired my values but I'm an idiot & believe u me, I'm not arich BUT I just can't do it.

    I do everything MYSELF NO HELP unless I pay for it I walked out of hosp after an 8 hr operation on my spine on a Wednesday, I wanted to get home to my 22 yr old cat ASAP as she needs me, she has medical needs & I send her to my vet , not a cattery at £100.00 a day I just want the best for her , like I said standards . I asked to be discharged on Friday so 48 hrs post op I was discharged from Guys Hosp. & travelled home by ambulance & had my cat delivered home to me the same evening. so 48 hrs in hosp after an 8hr op by 2surgeons operating on me. My surgeon said he has NEVER met a patient like me ever & he said if all his patients had my determination & drive to get better, it would half the NHS bill. The op was designed to stop further deterioration BUT not cure it as it's degenerative condition

    Wen u say elders, I guess u mean parents ? Did u mean u went awry when u were a teenager or later on in life making life/career decisions . If I told u my story u would wonder how I manage even to stay sane much less anything else . I am in pain 24/7 & take appx. 100mgs of a controlled drug for the pain I just had my spine reinjected for pain with high doses of steriods & analgesia . I'm desperately trying to control my pain then I'll start writing ....I've had an amazing life & I hope by writing I can inspire many young women who think they have been dealt a dreadful hand in life. It's not been easy esp. now as I'm growing older & in pain .

    The most important thing in life is keeping dreams alive & taking small steps at a time. Everything u achieve is an achiement no matter how small ......after all we all start off as babies & look at us now so .......that in itself is an achievement , when people say don't beat yourself up if u've made a mistake, some bigger than others . I don't agree with that........If the mistake is a big one the repercussion to the party u did it too MUST have had it's impact so ..........a tooth for a tooth. I live by that .

    Tell me what mistakes u feel u 've made that's affecting u now. how old are u ?

  • Hi Jeannii,

    I’ve been out doing errands pretty much all day today.

    I’m sorry your health has ended you up in the hospital having surgery, and now dealing with seviere pain.

    I’m lucky to be very healthy except for this anxiety which they say is harmless.

    So my “mistakes”.. where do I start? Seems like I’ve made mistakes since I was a child.

    I just don’t think before I jump. I just do it, then worry about the consequences later. My first regret would be not getting an education. I was raised by an Aunt and Uncle. They would be the elders I was referring to in my earlier post.

    More recently I’ve made mistakes that have landed me living away from my hometown, all of my family, friends, and my own children. My children are grown, but I never envisioned being so far away from them. I am 53 btw. I have a job that I hate. It’s because of the job that we moved. And last but not least we have no retirement savings which scares me to death. So lots of bad decisions in the last few years.

    I’ll be back on tomorrow. It’s 1:00am where I am, so I’m going to try and get some sleep.

    Please continue to write about your experiences through life, and how you ended up where you are today.

    What happened to your spine?

  • I told u what happened to my spine. Though I came from a wealthy family, my education had strings attached. My mother was a dr. & wanhted me to follow in her footsteps , I wasn't bright enough so I went into nursing & she cut me off. Since the age of 16, I've fed & put a roof over my head . met my husband at 27, he was selfish & as many people are on this earth, when u decide to have children , your life is no longger your own BUT he still wanted to play. The eternal Peter Pan syndrome with a touch of dumb thrown in & when he realised his mistakes, it was too late. He was filled with guilt & I'm afraid I haven't got the time & patience for that.......U are an adult, get up , dust yourself down, give yourself a good talking to & get on with it as is the same advise I'm giving u. I bought & designed an Inn in Vt . several houses in England, a pig farm in in rural Brittany , France & 2 townhouses in Alicante , Spain . I crossed the Sahara at the age of 22 & just about everything else . And all this from NOTHING but hard graft . NO one gave me anything , I have no time to feel sorry for myself & my back condition is the result of shifting sand, bricks cement becos I can't afford help working thru the nights often whilst the builder has gone home & I get things ready for him the next day as his labourer .............Also Nursing as I also told u. I also went back to college to do Design after nursing when my husband died, 1989 becos I couldn't get affordable child care. Somedays I worked 18 hr days to put food on the table & pay schoold fees. I modernise the houses & sell them at a profit. I am also a Hotelier & a fine dining chef . I have also cooked & prepared all 500 deserts for the vets of the Battle of Brtain , the last 2 Anniversaries till my back giving way.I lost £300K with the 2008 gobal downturn BUT what's the point of crying over split milk ? get's u nowhere!! So as soon as I sell this house, I do another property up & another ..............then I'm off to travel across Rajastan , Bhutan Mongolia & China then by this time, I think it's time to say goodbye to this world. U are taking a defatist attitude .........U want something to change, only u can do it!! Sorry it's harsh BUT it's the truth .

  • Sorry DEFEATIST attitude .....U are the only one who controls your destiny sometimes u get help then it's good but mostly u don't .......get on with it & before u know it u'll be my age & u'd have thought why didin't I do this 10 yrs ago??

  • Ok yes you did. I went back and re read your reply. Degenerative condition. Wow you’ve done a lot.

    I know you are right about my defeatist attitude. No worries about being sorry, it is the truth. Sometimes we need harsh words to knock some sense into us.

    I came from a poor family, but I shouldn’t let that define me. I am not my parents. I think lately I’ve been having a pity party which is not getting me anywhere.

    I love your determination, and all the things you have accomplished even though you have had setbacks.

    Can you keep your story going, and tell of your many adventures? You are an inspiration. Thanks

  • Thank u that is EXACTLY what I'm trying to do for u . U are dead only when u are DEAD so as long as u are breathing u've got a job to do .........What do u want to be remember as when u are gone. ?? Many people will not shef atear for me & that is fine becos I don't myself BUT many people will be envious of my fortitude. I left home at 15 , from wealthy grandparents in Malaysia ( I speak 4 manguages by the way ) my entire family from my mother's generation were all educated in england so when it came to choosing subjects in order for me to get into Medical school, I didn't choose the Sciences so my mother said , that would be a waste of money, go get yourself a job as at best I'd be someone's wife & secretary . That was fair enough, I wasn,t bright acaedemically BUT believe it or not becos I'm classed as an ethnic minority, I had to take IQ tests to get into Nursing school. Well my result was a 114 ( normal is 65 to 95 ) so that puts me in the intelligent category so I did my RN then went on to do Post Grad in Transplant & Diallysis, met a very handsome man, my husband & married for love . I was 35 when he died . He was full of self Loathing & walked behind me for 6 months before he died becos he felt that he wasn't my equal BUT he hopes to one day earn the right to walk next to me, alas he never got there. he died aged 49 of a pulmonary embolist in the farm I bought in France. Up till then I awlqays travelled all over Europe to Autralia so there are quite a few more to tick off . I al also held back these days becos of my much loved 22 yrs old cat who has a Passport & travels with me. I used to travel with 3 cats !!

    I will write one day BUT right now, I want u to start doing something for YOURSELF . My dreams can't be YOURS so tell me what u like doing & where do u live......U realise I am in England BUT I've travelled all over so, tell me what u want to do, your talents & your HATES . No good doing a job u don't like

  • Are you still around Jeannii?

  • Sure I am but having connectivity problems with my server. How are u?

  • Sounds tough jeanni, I am with you on the friendship quote, there are so many fickle people out there , you sound strong, keep up good work, sounds like your daughter is on her own rolller coaster, and you have done a great job raising her, it’s hard to fire it back and accept it’s her journey now tc x

  • Thank u. And even at the age of 37, she says I don't support or only criticise her. I said how can I be proud of u.........U got to where u are career wise becos u slept with your boss & the first job is the most important jo becos it starts u off. She is Director of Hedge Fund ( marketing ) I said u u became a teacher now, I would be or .......... $$ is all important & encompassing in her life

  • Sorry , I am rather harsh I guess........it's not that she's on her own rollercoaster.........Some people just want quick fixes & everything has to fall into their laps TODAY . Then if it doesn't they wonder why & try to find short cuts for fear of being seen as a failure ...... Dumb is as dumb does & not all of us are born with a silver spoon , some have to work very hard to have half a spoon, I'll settle for 1/4 & consider myself lucky. the rest is one foot in front of the other ..........I've never been a There there there girl.........Do it , get it done , it's not cloud Cockoo .And the quicker one accepts that , the less pain u'll endure

  • Hi. Glad to hear you are doing better today. I have also been doing okay for the past couple of days.

  • Great to hear you have been doing ok km147. I hope you continue to do well.

  • I know what you mean. Sometimes I'm ok. And sometimes I feel lonely. Don't really have much people I feel comfortable talking about my feelings with so I suffer in silence. I wish I had a good friend in real life to talk to. I've just drifted away from friends and now I feel so alone. I guess they weren't really my friends otherwise we still would be friends. I'm not close with family due to a variety of issues. I wish to join a support group. I hate feeling so lonely like I have no one in the world it makes me feel like a loser. 😭

  • Hello quieturban,

    you are not a loser. You are just human. Know that you have friends here. There’s nothing we can’t talk about here. This site has opened up a whole new world for me. I love reading the success stories that some of the members post. Every time I see another success story it gives me hope for a bright future, even though I am 53.

    I don’t like seeing others suffer, but it helps to know I am not alone in my suffering with depression and anxiety.

    Where are you from?

  • Thanks for your support so much. Canada.

  • Your welcome, and thank you for taking the time to chat.

    I’ve been to Canada once, but I don’t know much about how the Country is ran. Have you searched for a support group in your area? I have one close to me that I found through the adaa.org website. I’ve been a few times although my job prevents me from going every week. I am going to go tomorrow evening though.

  • I'm thinking of searching for support group soon. Maybe I will feel better with likeminded people like myself. Thanks for that chat too. Which country are you from?

  • I think we are all amazing, we are still here, we are talking, we are debating, we are supporting, we are all sharing, absolutely amazing, all of us xxxx

  • And we are all honest x

  • Yes we are. I love your post!

    I feel that the more we open up and share our experiences the easier it becomes to accept what is and keep moving forward. At least for me.

  • Well, I just landed here...I see that this was begun a few days back, but thought I would just see what was happening. I usually like to chat, so feel free. 😉

  • Hi One_of_em,

    I’m glad you decided to see what’s happening. Chatting is what keeps me going at times. I’ve had a decent day today. How about you?

  • Hi Jeannii,

    That’s great what you scored on that IQ test. No wonder you are able to have so many accomplishments. I love your confidence.

    I think I lack that, but I didn’t always. I used to be so full of life when my kids were young and still at home. I have always worked, just not high paying jobs.

    I am currently a truck driver. I drive with my Husband which means the truck is always moving. I’ve been doing it for 17 years now. I loved it when I first started, but along the way I lost my passion for it. It’s getting harder and harder to sleep in the truck while it’s constantly moving.

    I am in the US. Canada is the only other Country I’ve been to, and that was in the truck just once.

    I am getting sleepy. It is 2am here. I will come back tomorrow to finish.

    Wishing you much happiness wherever you are tonight.

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