So frustrated right now: So I’m in a... - Anxiety and Depre...

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So frustrated right now


So I’m in a good place finally this week, everything is looking good. My husband comes back from work announces he may be away a week in July. Now it’s not that long since I found out he met someone at a premier inn. So ruminating and thoughts were going wild at this latest revelation. He asked for a cuddle and I said no not at the minute. I had to collect my thoughts and pull myself together so as not to slip. He then proceeded to mope about the house and make me feel bad for not giving him a cuddle at a time when he wanted one. I refuse to let him bring me down, when I’ve worked so hard to get myself where I am at the minute. I told him this. He replied do you know how much that hurts. Does he want me to be unhappy? I’m so infuriated right now I could scream!

15 Replies
kinikia95ADAA Volunteer

I'm sorry. This is a tough one. I'm not a marriage expert (far from it) but if you've decided you want to stay with him I guess you should try to work things out? In that case being distant won't help. How do you suggested counseling?

I 100% understand. My husband told me he wants to see me suffer tonight. After I’ve had a nice week while he hasn’t been coming home several days in a row then comes home drunk being ugly toward me. All that positive and now this. How can we heal when other people try to prohibit it at every turn? I wish I had more advice but I’m riding this boat with you tonight. You are not alone though. I hope you can keep up your progress.

I just hate that we allow other people to influence how we are feeling. I just want to be happy & everytime I find myself being this way there seems to be someone who notices and says something which brings me down. But I guess that’s just part of it, part of the struggle. Take care and be kind to yourself.

You too! I’ll be thinking of you! I just told someone not to let toxic people’s opinions of him define him. Then I do it. I say often those who can’t teach. I believe what I tell people I just can’t apply it to my own life. The unpurposeful hypocrite should be my name!

Again I can totally relate. But I think I am finally starting to believe what I am writing and suggesting to other people. I think if you keep saying something over and over, eventually you have to accept and believe it yourself.

I believe it wholeheartedly! I just can’t seem to apply it to my own life. I will say this group has taught me a lot and I have felt a lot better. Today was just another landslide in my journey. It happens.

Shawny, you deserve so much better than this.

Trust and communication are said to be the most important ingreidents in a marriage, and it sounds like you two could really use some help with this. Have you tried marriage counseling?

Clarebear86 in reply to Windy101

Yes. I was told we were maybe too early as it was still a raw subject due to it recently happening.

That doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t understand how it can be too early. I think it should be the earlier the better. Nip it in the bud quick so you can move forward but they probably know something I don’t. I’m sorry you are going through that!

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years. I never truly believed he loved me, which lead to alot of resentment. We have been separated for 5 months trying to work things out. I try to express my feelings and get his opinion but he tells me "Im making things weird" we had gone on a few "dates" and its been extremely awkward and was doing nothing for me as far as feeling love towards him. I told him this and he said he would "work" on it. Today, he asked if I wanted to go to dinner. It made me feel weird because I feel like he's just asking me because all of the friends he has are busy this weekend and that everything will just go back the way it was, once his friends aren't busy. How do I know what feelings to trust or how to feel towards him or this situation. He's the one who wanted me to get psychological help and I feel like all of it has made me worse and he "can't be depressed for two "

Believe me I know, how hard it is to decide whether you should follow your feelings or not. I love my husband and daughter oh so much, my world literally came crashing down, when I found out what he did to both me and my daughter and that he actually was thinking about leaving. I still love him but can’t help but think how long is it going to be until he does leave me and is he just waiting for me to get better. Unfortunately I don’t have any absolute answers on whether you should or shouldn’t trust your feelings, you just have to try and do what is right for you.

Leave him first. He deserved it.

I hope it is not your anxiety lying to you. I don’t know your relationship or saying it is. It sounds like he maybe is trying. Obviously I don’t know. There are plenty of things people can do other than take someone out to dinner if their friends are busy. Like go home and relax after work or go to dinner alone and save money. I think you have to follow your heart because only you know. If you aren’t happy it may be good to try and find out why. Love hurts but sometimes the chances we don’t take hurt more. The what if’s so to speak. Why would he tell you he loved you if he doesn’t? Why not just move on? If you can’t trust him though and can’t be happy with him maybe it’s best to move on. Pros and cons. If you never get that trust back it seems like you can’t build on your relationship. It’s better to be apart and content than together and fighting especially for your daughter. I still think it’s dumb they said counseling is too early. The longer you let it sink in the harder it will be to deal with it. I’d try again. Sometimes love alone isn’t enough. You have to like them and it feels like you may not after what he did. Dealing with your anger is priority. I hope that things work out for the best!

Honestly....Divorce him. Cheating is a deal breaker and the fact that he doesn't recognize that this could be triggering to you shows that he only cares about himself.

This is what I'm gathering from your paragraph. I don't know him but he doesn't sound like a delight to be married to.

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