Here I go again

Today I woke up feeling a little better..Just can't seem to enjoy the feeling knowing I will get low again sooner or later..

[Hidden]

I know that feeling all to well, I have more low days then good so it's a struggle I know. Try to stay and think positive. ☺👍

[Hidden]

Thanks South texas84..I think normal for me is to be sad, low, negative thoughts etc...Im abnormal when I feel happy and positive..

[Windy101]

When you wake and feel a little better, that's the time to keep busy and build on that feeling. Try not to look back. You're in today; that's what's happening right now.

[Hidden in reply to Windy101]

I hear what you say..Im working on the now..not then, not after...NOW...I got to put the breaks on that roller coaster..thank you windy101..how are you..

[Windy101]

Hanging in there, thanks for asking!

[SuzyQ1948]

HI ELLIAKI,

I AM THE SAME WAY. I KNOW WHEN I EXPERIENCE THE HIGHS THE LOWS WILL COME BACK WITH A VENGEANCE. I HAVE NEVER FIGURED IT OUT BUT IT IS AS IF I FEEL GUILTY IF I ENJOY MYSELF.

I HAVE SUFFERED DEPRESSION SINCE I WAS A CHILD AND AT 69 I AM STILL BATTLING EVERYDAY, SOME ARE LUCKY AND OVERCOME DEPRESSION.

I TRY TO INTERACT WITH OTHERS AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE AND HELPS MY DAYS SEEM BRIGHTER BUT THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I CAN'T LEAVE THE HOUSE OR EVEN TALK ON THE PHONE. I AM HONEST WITH PEOPLE AND EXPLAIN WHAT I GO THROUGH DEALING WITH DEPRESSION BUT SURE WISH I COULD FIGURE OUT WHY I HAD TO DEAL WITH THIS CURSE CALLED DEPRESSION.

I HAVE ONE THING I BELIEVE CAUSES MY PROBLEMS OF GETTING FEARFUL AT TIMES AND NOT BEING ABLE TO COPE. I HAD A BAD EXPERIENCE WHEN I WAS AROUND 5 YEARS OLD WITH A MALE COUSIN, HE TRIED TO MOLEST ME. I SUPRESSED THE EXPERIENCE AND NOTHING WAS SAID OR DONE ABOUT IT. IT WAS MY FATHER'S SIDE OF THE FAMILY AND MOM NEVER TOLD HIM. I ASK MY FATHER IF MOM EVER TOLD HIM BUT HE SAID SHE HADN'T. I REALIZE NOW THIS HAS BEEN THE CAUSE OF A LOT MY PROBLEMS AND I REALIZE AS GROWING UP IT CAUSED ANXIETY AND PANIC ATTACK WHICH I DEAL WITH ANYTIME I GO ANYWHERE OR PLAN ANYTHING BUT SOMETIMES I CAN OVERCOME THE BATTLE.

I HAVE MY BEST FRIEND THAT TELLS ME ALL THE TIME THAT PEOPLE LIKE ME AND I AM FUN TO BE AROUND BUT I DON'T FEEL THAT WAY AT ALL BUT SHE TELLS ME THAT I AM TO HARD ON MYSELF.

I HOPE THIS HELPS ME BY TELLING MY STORY AND MAYBE SOMEONE IDENTIFES WITH MY SITUATION. I LOVE HELPING OTHERS AND GETTING FEEDBACK ABOUT YOUR STORIES.

WE NEED TO LOVE OURSELVES AND KNOW WE ARE NOT ALONE

SUE

[Hidden in reply to SuzyQ1948]

Thanks for your reply..Im 42 living with this illness for as far as I can remember..alot of people have found the root cause of the illness but I search deep and as back as my childhood to find mine but I cannot narrow it down to anything..The only I thing I can think of is my upbringing by my parents that has caused this to me..I still live with my parents..My sister and parents I find are toxic but I've coped with them...I've never been close to them as I get belittled which has made me live unintentionally rebellious, withdrawing from them and into a black sheep..not having there emotional support and right mentoring I need, rather realising living there way not my way...now I have no confidence, self love, strength, pride direction and everything else..your right we are fun to be around, we are smart, loving, caring, open, we have the best qualities and this I believe this has made me sensitive to emotions, weak, depressed as I haven't been taught right, rather been told I'm wrong in everything..My friend also tells me how amazing I am..she has learned so much from me..yet, I feel hurt, little, full of self hatred, guilt, low self esteem etc..Ive never taken meds, I have fully surrendered to god and may his will be done..i have hope and faith..thank you for listening and sharing your story..