No point in me lying to myself anymore. I'm done of waiting for change. Maybe some are lucky but i can't manage mine and people need to fess up about it not truely ever going away its frustrating. No point in pretending it goes away depression will always be there whether we choose to believe it or not. There will always be a chemical imbalance in our brains especially people who have recurring depressive epiosdes such as myself. Just saying how i see it.

20 Replies

  • You’ll get better at managing as you get older. There maybe rough days but you’ll bounce back faster.

  • Hopefully😪 just seems impossible for me. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Never have to be honest😢

  • Hi Vonnah,

    Major depressive disorder (MDD) can be a chronic and recurring condition.

    Doctors and psychologists can help with clinical management of the condition and solving some of the problems that go along with it. Their objective is for you to achieve remission and then prevent a relapse. It has been estimated 30-40% patients fail to achieve this goal.

    Just wondering, from your blog, if you have been trying to manage your depression on your own without any professional mental health support?

    You can get help and it's as simple as scheduling that first appointment to get treatment from your primary care provider or GP.

  • Thanks for the information! I didn't know that but i do take zoloft and its definitely not working. I am not in therapy but what good will that do? I want to go then again i don't. I'm afraid. All the therapist will do is listen to me talk which doesn't help me at all. I hate showing people i don't know my emotions. Only if i reach a breaking point and cry in front of them. It will just be me sobbing every appointment then go home and be lonely and depressed again. That's just how i see it and i've had recurring depressive epiosdes for years now. Ever since 12 years old😪

    My depression is definitely chronic. Just what it seems like. No remission. Never felt true happiness with life, my life, or peace. Just a invisible thunder and lightening rain cloud over my head for the past years. Wish people could see how miserable my pain is. It's drained all the life out of me. I'm crying out for help.

  • Hi Vonnah- You may have what I have. Dysthymia is a constant low grade depression with interspersed major depression episodes. It seems to be responding to the meds I’m on. Don’t feel bad about crying in front of your therapist, that’s what they’re here for! Sometimes more than one type of medication is needed to get the job done!

  • Wow i didn't know that! I will do more research! And yeah i guess i can just let the tears fall lol hope my therapist doesn't think I'm a crybaby with a sad sad life lol i want to open up but then again when its time to its hard. Thank you for replying and sharing!😌

  • I hear you. I've had chronic depression for decades. You're right; it can keep rearing its ugly head over and over again.

    BUT -

    With the right medication and a therapist you can really talk to, you can feel magnificently better. And it just may surprise you and go away.

    What I've learned is that the right medication is key, because, as my doctor explained to me, it targets the neurotrainsmitter involved in my particular "brand" of the disorder. You can be taking an antidepressant, but it doesn't mean it's the one that's right for you. It may work on another neurotransmitter that's not involved in the depression you have.

    To find someone who can figure this out for you, you're going to need to go to a doctor. A good one, who knows about medication. Not just someone who's going to throw Prozac or Zoloft at you or try one after another for months and months in hopes something works. A good doctor has studies this stuff and will be your partner. It may take a little time, but it can work pretty quickly.

    A support group or therapist you can relate to can also help. With the right person/people, you can talk about what's behind those tears.

    The thing is, you are going to have to take charge of your depression. YOU. You're the boss. That's good, because you can work your way through this at your own pace, and you can say when you feel better and when things need a little tweaking. Recovery is a whole new way of life. What do you want your life to be? What would you be doing if you didn't have depression?

    You can do this.

    I so understand what you mean about the thunderstorm. No one should have to go through it. It's just our luck eh? But everyone here has been through so much, and has wisdom and caring and gets it. YOU. ARE. NOT. ALONE.

    Dear one, I hope you'll keep posting. Lots of friends are right here for you.

  • Wow thank you so much. That made my day😌 i understand what your saying. I guess it all takes time and i gotta see where this goes. But i feel so tired of living.

    If i didn't have depression.....i would have a liscense, friends, be in college, feel and be healthier,etc...... But nope😔

  • Hi Windy101,

    What a fabulous reply to Vonnah! The battle can definitely turn in our favour with the right troops behind us

    You really should share this post on The Mighty, a site dedicated to facing disability and mental illness together :)

  • Thank you, Blackcat!

  • I know your pain I have my good days and my bad days a lot of my anxiety attacks I thought were heart attacks in the beginning because of the physical symptoms I was always having (heart pounding, dizzy, impending doom feeling, breathing difficulty) but after years of having them and talking to doctors and therapists I realize now when I have them they are just anxiety attacks but they can be very scary for sure if you don't know what it is in the beginning. I hate taking RX meds too so it's a double edge sword, I feel like I trade one problem for another when I take the pills the doctors give me and all the side effects that come with them. To be honest I have been using medical marijuana for the last few years and I feel it really helps me and doesn't have near as many bad side effects. I know it might sound crazy but look into it and try a sativa strain it really helps with mood, anxiety and depression. But use a low does if you never tried it before

  • Thanks for responding. I understand, anxiety attacks are so scary. I personally couldn't function after mine.

    I also agree with the side effects from medication. I really hate the loss of libido and how it causes.....dysfunction in some cases. I want to change my medication until its right for me😭

  • Well I hope you can find the right medicine for you and start feeling better 👍

  • Thanks i appreciate your kindness. In fact i had a anxiety attack again at work on Saturday when i got hurt on my job.....anxiety is so i definitely need to change my medicine. It ain't working😂😱😲

  • How long have you been on zolof, it usually takes three weeks or more to take effect. Hang in there. Don't give up.

  • I took it for about 2 months and now I'm on a different antidepressant! I pray it will work in the next few weeks!

  • Yeah I truly believe there is no cure. We just learn how to manage later on in life. Sometimes I fall back to my anxiety, like turning back the clock to my teen years. Sometimes you make progress and other times you regress.

  • It's sad. Thank you for responding. I have no idea how to sucessfully manage it. I just don't know.

  • I'm 62 years old and had anxiety and depression since I was a teenager. I recently had an episode again even though I was taking mirtazapine 15mg., My doctor change it to sertalazine 50mg. and had to take a leave from work for 3 weeks. I nearly quit my job but fortunately I did not and now I am back to work. I'm thinking of having a MBCT and want to know if anyone had it before and did it help them. You are right when you said that we have a chemical imbalance in our brain. I am meds dependent without it I might not be able to last this long.

  • Wow i am sorry to hear that. That is a lot of years of suffering. I wish people could see mental illness as they see a physical illness. Thank you for sharing, and wishing you the best😘💜

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