Hey, so I am 20 years old and I have been dealing with depression since I was 14. A month ago I started dating this boy and he broke up with me just now because of my depression. He knew when we started dating that i was dealing with this but 2 days after I told him I was going to start medication he just said we were to different and that I’m always sad. I asked him if it was because of my depression and he said yeah, he didn’t want to surround himself with people that were down.
I just hate myself, I hate how I think! I just don’t understand why my brain works like this! Why can I not be just happy? It’s like everyday is a battle. I’m being tortured by my own head. I just want this to stop. I just want to live. I feel hopeless because it seems like this feeling has been going for so long that it will never end. My mom didn’t support the medicines but I had to sit down with her and explain how much I hate who I am, and that I won’t kill myself but that I wished I wasn’t alive. This was the most difficult conversation in my life.
And after this boy just broke up with me I just feel like I shouldn’t be around anyone cause I’m scared I’ll make people unhappy or that they will all just give up on me. I feel so hopeless
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Hey, dear. Depression is hard. Finding supportive individuals is harder, and it's their fault, but not entirely. I've found people who don't struggle with depression don't truly understand why you feel the way you do. They think there is this light switch that we can turn on and just be happy, but realistically, that doesn't work. We are messed up because of chemicals in our brains. Sure, medicine is a nice bandaid on it and it works when you find the RIGHT medicine. There's no one solution to feeling better. Everyone has unique things that can help them battle depression. Find things that you like to do and keep your brain preoccupied. I like watching sports, playing video games, and creating things. Do something that makes you feel accomplished and proud of yourself.
Above all else, remember you are not alone and when you hit a dark time know that all of us here are experiencing similar feelings. Reach out if you ever need to. We are here for you.
Thank you so much! And I don’t blame him for leaving it just makes me feel so bad about who I am. I do want to find things to keep my brain preoccupied but I just don’t find joy on anything Rn. I appreciate you!!
People who dont suffer from mental illness can be deeply afraid of what they see in us. There is real darkness in this world and those of us with mental illness have to face it everyday. When we confront people with our mental illness we are confronting them with a deep and profound darkness they never even knew existed ( and never wanted to know about).
Some react to this with abject terror and desperatly run away from us so they dont have to know about the dark world what we already do. There are those however that face their fear with the strength and courage of empathy and are willing to face the dark with us.
We who suffer from mental illness (and those who who dont that support us) are far braver and stronger than the cowards who run away from a mere sliver of what we face everyday. Your not alone, your not crazy, and your not wrong for the feelings that you have. You deserve kindess and support.
Thank you so much!!! I really appreciate that!! I just wish I didn’t feel like I am pushing them away bc of how I am. But I do think if they can’t stick with me while I’m down they don’t deserve me when I’m good! So thank you!!!
Hey I know the feeling. I ended one of my relationships last month because it was sooo toxic and I wasn’t getting support or love from my bf. I wish I wasn’t here either and I know I wouldn’t do anything but don’t make a permanent decision for a temporary feeling/situation. I know it’s hard but we must keep fighting. someone else might be out there feeling the same way as you and when they see you getting through these days that are so difficult you show them that they can go on even when life gets tough. I always am like “why me” “why do I have anxiety/depression/ocd/add/social anxiety” I try and tell myself that god gave this to me for a reason and that reason is to help someone else who’s going through it and show them that these difficult mountains CAN BE MOVED.
Don’t get stuck on ONE guy. There’s 7 billion people in this world. So many people you haven’t met yet. You’re worthy of love! I went through hell in my relationship but it taught me a lot and what to look out for. I am going to work on myself and focus on ME. I have a lot going on mentally. Also I would rather focus on me for the time being because I’m so very behind in life and I get so distracted in relationships and what I need to work on in MY life.
This is exactly how I feel! I always ask myself why does my brain work like this. I feel like right now it’s not even about the boy but more about the reason that he left. I also keep thinking to myself that I’m just going to work on me but I feel like deep down I still want to find someone and I do wish I didn’t. Because I feel like if u don’t find the right person relationships are often toxic
Sweetie. You are 20 years old. I’m 35 now and I would tell my 20 year old self that, that boy is immature, doesn’t know what he wants from life, and is an ass!!! I have been dealing with depression my whole life. I’m also a cancer survivor and a recovering alcoholic and addict so I seem like a dream right? Baby girl, when I tell you no man well kid is worth your tears, it is so true. Right now he is hanging out with his buddies not thinking about you. So why would you cry over someone who doesn’t even care? I’ve had tremendous heart break. 5 years with a man. I lost 2, yes 2!!! Years of my life because I could t get it together. How sad right. Girl I don’t want that to be you!!! Guys my age are still immature, I date older men and they are retarded as well. That boy is nothing. When you are 30, you won’t even remember his name. I’m hear if you have more questions. Oh and tell your mom you don’t have to get it, but I need to go find a doctor!!
As a dude close to your age I just want to second everything you just said, your absolutely right. Alot of men never grow up, I dont know why they are so afraid of dealing with emotions. Congrats on recovering, both from cancer and alcohol!
I am very sorry about how severe your depression is! I am very sorry that you are suffering! I am very sorry that your ex-boyfriend broke up with you! Some people do not have the ability to understand mental illnesses. Some people don't even want to understand us. I have been suffering from depression for more than 30 years. That's almost all my life. And I have had rejection and mistreatment from some people. There are even times when professionals don't even understand you. Your ex-boyfriend is not that special. He's free to choose who he dates, but his rejection of you should not make you feel like you are not important or valuable. You are dealing with very big trials. I am so sorry about all the pain that you feel! It is very hard to live with depression.
Please don't hate yourself! You should never hate yourself. There are people who get cancer or other illnesses and it wouldn't be okay for them to hate themselves for having an illness. We are victims of an awful illness and we have to do extra work to help ourselves. I know that every day is a battle. I get tired of dealing with the same negative feelings every day of every week of every year. Therapists can help a lot. Sometimes a therapist or a counselor is not helpful so we have to find ourselves someone else. I know that medications can help a lot too. It is important to keep doing things that are helpful and necessary for us. Be strong and love yourself. Have you heard that some babies are born with very serious medical conditions and they need a lot of intensive care at hospitals? Those little human beings are very precious little ones who matter a lot and it's not their fault that they have a medical problem. You are not inferior for having a serious illness. It is not your fault. You haven't done anything wrong. We live in a fallen world where there are illnesses and other bad things. God made you valuable. I hope that you feel a lot better very soon.
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