Sometimes I just feel like the sky is falling in. I did have a good counseling session today. And once home, I even paid two bills - my student loan and my car. I am having a hard time finding out how to pay hospital, and COBRA insurance. I'm pretty much behind in everything but if I can just make some payments, I can stay afloat and get the collection people off of my case.
Today, kind of uncovered that the biggest lie I tell myself is that if I feel happy/good, something bad will happen. And the other thing is that I got so anxious about a dog barking at me that I couldn't sleep for two days. I know how irrational I was being but I honestly could not sleep. I just wanted someone to hear me - and hopefully someone understands.
Good for you for paying some of your bills! Be grateful that you have a steady income, and even though thw payments may seem small they're still something! In my experience medical/hospital bills aren't too pushy about collections so try not to worry about those too much just do as much as you can. I'm the same way when I feel happy I start to get back to my negative thinking because that's all I'm used to but I try to turn it around and be grateful for good moments. Is there any history or specific trigger about the dog barking at you? I understand even if there isn't, one time I got so stressed out about my friends cat that wouldn't come near me and just stare at me! I kept thinking it meant something really deep or scary lol. Hang in there though, recovery is hard because your mind and body just want to do what anxiety has programmed it to do for so long
Thank you! Unfortunately I lost my job and have severance through September. But you still made my day! Yes, my ex tried to sic his dog on me , but this neighbors dog also attacked my cat a couple months ago. The neighbors are good owners and reimburse 1/2 the vet bill. I am not going to pursue anything further.