I feel bad writing because as I look through all the other posts here and I think "what makes me so special that someone should care?" I have severe health and death worries that have been blowing up since my Mom died a few weeks ago. I just had a doctor's appointment (online) and my blood pressure is running high. I'm on medication but it is not doing it's job I guess. I'm terrified I'm going to have a stroke or heart attack. He told me to get back on my diet, exercise and give up coffee etc...I was doing all these things but lately I am too depressed to go to the gym. I went today and I started crying. Food has been my comfort and my morning coffee. Now I don't even have those simple things. I have no one to talk to. Every little thing that comforts me is taken away. I cry all day and I'm too weak emotionally to get better. Tomorrow I'll probably be obsessing on something else.
Sorry for rambling but I feel that I can't get out of this hole...mentally or physically. God help me. Thanks for letting me vent.
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Broken1971
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Hey Broken1971. It's great that you're reaching out and sharing. You don't have to be special to seek assistance and support from anyone. You mentioned your mom just passed away. Sounds like the grief and loss have a strong hold on you. That's okay and completely normal. When my dad passed a few years back, it took a long time for me to get back on track. So it's okay if you're not where you want to be just yet. Just take whatever small steps you can. Over time, you'll be in a completely different place.
That's completely understandable. The trick is not imagining a better future.... it's just putting one foot in front of the other. Eventually, you're able to look back and see how far you've come.
Hello,Fortunately or unfortunately I can relate. I lost my mom suddenly in July 2020 from Covid. She was in fairly good health and within 13 days got this horrific virus fought with every ounce of strength and breathe she had and lost her battle in 13 days. I’ve had many different emotions. I try to focus on her being in heaven and looking down at me saying honey why are you crying. I’m in a peaceful beautiful place with my loved ones. The only thing that makes me sad is seeing you crying and not taking care of yourself. I know my mom is not suffering now. That is such a relief to me and I’m sure my mom. This thought helps me. What thought helps you?
Thanks for sharing and I'm so sorry about your mom. I try to imagine her in a better place too but it's hard to find comfort in that just yet. I guess I'm still feeling the shock.
I am SO SORRY for the loss of your mom.😔 You need a lot of time to grieve and heal. I totally get it about comfort eating. I finally broke the cycle and lost a lot of weight. But you STILL have to have some of the things you like, maybe just less,and what about decaffeinated coffee? Would that be acceptable? Don't beat yourself up about not wanting to go to the gym. What you are going through is HARD. God bless you and everyone else on here who is in physical and emotional pain. I wish God would hear my prayers and put an END to all the suffering I feel, and to everyone else.
Thanks. Last year I lost 8o lbs but since covid and everything with my mom I've gained almost half of that back. I'm finding it hard to get back on track because of everything going on now. Like I said..I'm in a dark place.
I know, it's extremely difficult right now, but you lost 80 pounds and that is AMAZING!!!!! It might take some time, but if you have done it before, you can do it again!!
Broken, you don't have to go to the gym to exercise. The best exercise you can do is simply walking. It will be hard to take those first steps, but over time you kind of get in the habit. You can start by simply walking to the end of your street and then walking back home again. If you're like me and struggle to get out the door, you can walk around inside your home. That's what I did for months. Every once in awhile, like when I get sick, I stop walking and then it feels like I'm starting from scratch all over again and I can make a million excuses for not doing it. All I know is that I feel better when I walk, even if it's not for 30 minutes every day.
Broken1971 I'm so sorry to hear you're going through a really hard time, but it makes sense that you're upset. Sounds like this is all part of the grieving process. Is there anyone you can talk to to process through your feelings right now? Getting through grief alone can be really hard. Do you at least have enough energy to take a walk? Going to the gym right now might be pushing it a little bit, given your emotional state, but walking outside can at least be a step to moving without overexerting yourself. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I hope you can start to feel better as you move through your grieving process.
I'm doing my best which means I get up every morning. I finally found a therapist who will see me tomorrow. I've had such bad luck with them lately but I have to talk to someone.
Thanks. Had an appointment with a new therapist today. It went better than I thought. I'm hoping she can help get me going in the right direction again. Fingers crossed.
Everyone is special. You included. Its only natural you are broken hearted about your mother. Can you ring the Samaratinsand speak to them. They will always listen. Your friends on here al all willing to listen and help.Your not alone my friend, x
Broken1971, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. It's been but a few weeks and you need that time to grieve. Finding a therapist can help you address your loss as well as your
fears of health and death worries. There's so much negativity in the world right now that
you can't see the sun hiding behind the clouds. Life will bring us pain all by itself, our responsibility is to create joy. Give yourself time to heal. xx
I'm saddened to learn of the multiple difficulties you're confronted with. And there were many things you shared that I relate to.
My dear mother died 3 and a half years ago. She died after fighting with Frontal Temporal Lobe Degeneration with Lewy bodies and Parkinson's disease. We adored one another. I was with her every single day during those hideous 5 years and I sat vigil for the last 4 days and nights of her life.
I'm brokenhearted and have not been able to cope with my grief.
Your grief is so fresh. I can relate to how you my be feeling.
One thing you must know...you are special!!!! And I know you will find this community to be so receptive, non-judgmental, wanting to share with you, wanting to really listen to what you're sharing. Sharing is a huge gift.
You wrote about having multiple medical problems. That's so frightening. And having no one to talk with is simply horrifying. I live with my dear sister but she is quite ill, although we do talk together. Other than my sister, I am completely alone in this world except for my two loving, kind, loyal, darling dogs. Yes, I'm a dog person!!!
Can you share some of the things you have enjoyed doing during your life so far?
I'd like to get to know you. And I'm always here, within hours, or 48 hours so you're not alone.
Grief, I've learned, comes in waves...or hurricanes..or horrible storms. Even when you're feeling OK, something can just trigger your grief. I still can't control my crying. I've just started to feel a little better but a few days ago I was crying, under the covers, for days. I cried so hard my gums hurt!!!
It's especially difficult to deal with grief, medical problems, fears and isolation.
Here you will find a lovely community of very caring people. Sincerely caring people.
Can you try to think about what might provide you with some comfort? Things have been taken away from you, but perhaps you can discover new comforts.
Please know that I'll be thinking of you...a lot!!!
So sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how you feel.. but I wanna assure you that you will not be feeling this way for long.. it’s a phase in your life that you have to go through in order to recover. Please follow the doctors instructions.. you are not gonna die.. that’s just a thought that you can push away whenever it comes... remember you are stronger than you think.. do not let the negative thoughts linger in your mind.. I would suggest being in company of friends, family if any.. this feeling will pass. I’ve been through something similar. I thank God I’m ok now.. it’s your mind working against you.. you will be okay. I hope and pray that you get better.
It's not rambling to us, it's venting. And we are more than happy to listen because you do matter regardless of how you feel. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I always recommend going out of your way to see several doctors when you have a health concern because of my experience. Some doctors don't seem to listen but my blood pressure was also high when I went to the hospital for strokes and a pulmonary embolism. Maybe check in with another doctor, bit never take those symptoms lightly. I hope things get better, and I'm here if you need a friend.
Sorry about the news about your mum, but well done for reaching out and asking for help. You are stronger then you think, and will get through this. Stay strong!
That’s what this board is for!!! I can’t imagine how you feel! I also have anxiety and death issues. It’s ok to feel the way you feel! I know walking on my treadmill with my music is my escape. How about a good book? Decaf? My husband drinks beet juice and got his BP down!!! I’m around a lot if you need a friend!!! Xo
I really feel for you. I am alot older but was there for many years. I can't offer a quick fix but let you know "it will get better" I Care. One thing, change the way you talk to yourself even if you don't feel it. Get some sunshine. Depression often is "Hate" "Anger." See if you can break that. I also call "Dial A Prayer" for a positive interaction. (no, I'm not too religious) Sorry for you mom..
The loss of a beloved family member is a sucker punch to the gut, even if you know it's coming. Give yourself time to grieve. Don't have high expectations for yourself, but don't set them too low either, just laying around in bed all day and not going anywhere or doing anything will just put your in a tailspin of negative thinking. The Apostle Paul in Philippians 4:8 put it this way:
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of respect, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if something is excellent or praiseworthy, think about these things."
Don't fear death because it is just a doorway to the next world, which we all need to prepare for.
Have you thought about getting a little dog. They are such good companions . They need a walk and you get to meet some nice people. This might help . You get a lot of love from a dog. A cat might make a nice companion also. My little dog has died . She was my best friend. Your never alone if you have a pet.
Sooo sorry! You have experienced a lot in the last months. A wise Christian therapist told me to "feel your pain. You have to go 'through' it to get to the other side. If you try to go around it, over it, under it, it will come out sideways... you do not actually get through it." She allowed me to feel sad and lost. She said CRY, yell, be sad. I did. And gradually, I got through it. Praying for you to "get through" your pain!
What you are feeling is normal. Initially I felt like someone put a sword in my heart. It took my breath away. Everyone grieves, there is NO timeline. I am here to talk if you ever want to talk.
Thinking about how you're feeling today. I hope you are comforted by the support and true caring extended to you by members of our community. Each moment can be tremendously challenging. You will find the strength within you. Have faith that you will know what I understand is called a ' new normal'. When someone shared that sentiment with me I wanted to lash out. What does that possibly mean this 'new normal'? I was watching TV one night, alone of course, but with my angelic dogs. All of the sudden I realized that something on the TV made me smile. I immediately felt guilty but also thankful as I felt I would never be able to even force a smile. Wish I could tell you I've actually enjoyed a good belly laugh, however I have continued to smile sometimes enjoying the wonder of nature, seeing my dogs happy as they ran and I felt the wonder of some beautiful flowering plants last summer.I've survived cancer and other health problems. Frightening. I found some comfort in journaling my feelings without restraint. I'm thinking of you,sending healing hugs with much support.
Somehow I do manage to find laughter sometimes. I, too, find writing things down therapeutic but it's hard to do when you are really down. I wish you the best an DC thanks for the warm thoughts
You are special. We here on this site are sharing in your pain and grief. I have days I can’t stop crying too. The fact that you can share yourself with us further shows you are special
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xx
i want to cry but can't 
Broken and can’t stop crying 
I can’t stop crying 
Am struggling with sky high depression and unbearable anxiety. 
My anxiety is really high and bad thought are in my head.
