Scared of living and dying

[MissingMom]

I've dealt with panic attacks, extreme anxiety, severe depression an PTSD for over 13 years it has been a daily battle. My "safe places" are no longer "safe" I feel trapped inside my head. Im afraid to seek help again from the fear of being let down as to treatment suggestions I don't want to particular meds they give me and I feel the doctors are not helping I tried therapy , teas, excercising, no caffeine usuage and nothing works!! Therapy just enhances it because it opens doors to situations I can't cope with . Im constantly angry at my kids I have emotional out bursts at work . Im afraid to go anywhere in fear of something happen. I hate to drive I hate being alone . I lost my Mom last year suddenly and my brother awhile ago and I struggle with grief and vivid flashbacks of what I could've done to save them and I tend to blame myself! I'm so afraid that I will become a failure or end up in a mental hospital due to everything I'm dealing with I'm hurting and I have no relief my work is suffering and so are my children ! I'm lost and need help I'm thinking of admitting myself today. I need answers if I admit myself how will my bills get paid he will my kids survive how will I survive? Please any advice or suggestions would be appreciated My thoughts are overwhelming and they rule over my life

[boogie82]

Your story sound like mine in many ways. Been having panic attacks since I was 19. I have learned to accept a base line level of anxiety and know at that level I am okay bc of all I have accomplished in life. I have had times when I have though not wanted to deal with it and put myself in position of shutting out the world and not being the best I can be.

Currently I have panic attacks everyday bc I decided to get back in the workplace after being out for many yrs. They vary but they are there. I also hate the meds. I have decided if it gets to a certain level I take them. If not I don't. (On meds that allows me to do it). I just take life day by day. I meditate which helps a bit. Try to go on walks everyday. Try to live in the moment a few times a day.

Know that I know your struggle and love you for your strength to reach out.

[Hidden]

is there any relative or friend that can help you with 4? children? that in itself is a huge stressor. you need relief, a hug, a shoulder to cry on. please reach out, maybe the childrens school councelor can offer suggestions

[MissingMom in reply to Hidden]

I do have one friend but she doesn't understand how I feel although she's been there from the start. She thinks I'm being over-dramatic. She only has one child and although she is my kids Aunt, she's not involved with them daily. I tend to push away from her because she likes to "rule" me . And I really don't like it. I start therapy and new meds Monday. Praying for relief and a major change. Thanks for the advice and I have been trying to get outside more. I try and do something at least once a week with the kids. It's hard when all you want to do is lay on the couch and watch TV. But I'm giving I my all , especially for my kids, they need me and I need them as well.