Bipolar Disorder

[peppermmint]

New here. Right now, I'm in the depressive stage of my bipolar disorder. It's been, so far, more severe than the other ones I've dealt with; I haven't had any appetite and attempts to force myself to eat have resulted in me vomiting. The past three nights have been characterized by breakdowns, and minor self harm. I haven't seen a therapist since my freshman year of highschool (I am freshly graduated from said high school) and am against taking meds. Which I know doesn't make sense, but I feel like if I take meds then I won't actually be happy.

Most of my friends are saying I should see a therapist, and get started on medication as soon as I can. My boyfriend and a handful of other people have told me meds are not the solution, and that by being "positive" I can reverse the effects of my bipolar disorder. At this point, I'm exhausted. I don't know what to do anymore and I'm so worn out. Any advice on how to handle this because it's becoming a lot for me to deal with.

[Kitty50]

Honestly...I would go to a therapist and get some meds if they prescribe them. Think of it this way...you get a cold and you take medication to get your body back in balance. It gives your body the things that it is missing to make it better. It's not anything more than you need but fills in the gaps and holes in you. If you are lacking in vitamin D, you take some, it balances things. What if you were diabetic? Would not taking insulin and just thinking about or not eating sugar fix you? No...it wouldn't. Some of these things we have, bipolar or depression or anxiety can be a lacking in chemicals in our bodies that, if we can balance them we can get through it. Go get help and stop listening to people who do not have your same condition. They do not understand. On the outside you look "normal" or not sick to them so they don't get it. That's why sometimes I wish my anxiety or depression would manifest in a huge sore in the middle of my forehead so it would be obvious I'm hurting. Good luck and do this for you. You deserve it.

[Kobojunkie in reply to Kitty50]

Very good explanation.

I never understand what people mean when they don't want to use medication when all indications are that they should.

Yet the very same people would swallow a midol for migraine or advil or aspirin for pain. I just don't understand the fear of medication when it comes to their mental health.

[peppermmint in reply to Kobojunkie]

It's not a fear of medication. I take advil because I know, normally, I do not experience pain. I don't like the idea of taking medication for my mental health because I feel like If I'm taking pills to make me happy, then I'm not actually happy. Second off, my mother suffers from panic disorder, anxiety and depression, and I'm scared that by asking her to take me to a therapist and seeing if I get put on meds, she'll become upset thinking she did this to me (as is what happened with my older sister). I'm mildly upset by the wording as it is worded almost accusatory at me.

Kitty, thank you for being a voice of reason. Things are a little difficult right now, but I definitely see what you're saying.

[Hidden]

Hi I agree with Kitty50 completely. Bi-polar is rarely controlled by willpower alone and usually requires meds and counselling.

The right meds will help even out your moods so the highs are less but then so are the downs. This is what you need.

Your friends are right and your bf is being silly saying positivity is enough. Get some medical help as this is what you need. Unless you want to go on suffering like this?

[BonnieSue]

Don't let anyone who isn't bipolar tell you you don't need meds. They can't know. Listen to people on meds for bipolar only; or who are bipolar and who decided to go off meds successfully...if you can even find one of those.

[Kobojunkie]

What are you doing listening to people who don't even know or believe mental illness can affect even those who look normal on the outside? You are hurting. So far, you willpower hasn't healed you, in fact it sounds like it is already too exhausted to try any more attempts to heal itself.

[Hidden]

Hi Peppermint I am going through the same exact thing right now, in the depressive stage, and it is very severe. I haven't been this low in a while and its been extremely painful, so I understand what your going through. I am so bad I am not really able to function. As someone who has dealt with this for 10+ years, I have been on and off meds, have done the natural stuff (meditating, eating healthy, supplements), I even tried electro shock therapy out of desperation years ago. That being said, its a tricky illness and I think seeing a therapist would be a good place to start. I was against meds, after having been on so many and had such a tough time finding what would work, but due to the severity of this, I am seeing a psychiatrist Monday and believe I need a mood stabilizer. The thing with meds is they take some time to work so the sooner you get in to see a doctor the better because its not such a quick process. I know it gets confusing with different people in your life having different ideas about what you should/shouldn't do. And in the end, it is your choice. Its hard for anyone who hasn't experienced it to say just 'be positive', its really not an option. You can't force it. It's a chemical imbalance, and when I've tried to force myself to feel better, and I am in a really bad stage, it adds to frustration and inner conflict. I wish I was in a better place to give you more sound advice, but maybe hearing that someone else is going through what you are, at the same moment, and has had conflicting feelings on best ways of treatment, will make you feel a little less alone in this. I also just came onto this group literally hours ago and I think the support here is a good start as well. Wishing you wellness