new and confused

[magdev]

I'm new to this group as of maybe five minutes ago, and I'm here to find help with my anxiety and bipolar. I'm a 20 year old college student who is on medical withdrawal from my university right now, because of mental health issues. Lately I feel like I've been worse, psychosis-wise, and I'm wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences.

I was diagnosed with bipolar at 18. I've had more than my share of depressive episodes, and a few manic ones, but I'm starting to think that what I've been referring to as "mania" is something more.

Lately I've had heightened anxiety and a feeling of being "off." It's like I exist, just slightly to the left. Or I'll feel like I'm leaning on a 45 degree angle when I'm standing straight up. I also have this sort of inability to focus, both my eyes and my attention, or maybe somewhere in the middle. I tend to second-guess everything. Like, if I hear someone say something, a few minutes later I might wonder "were they talking to me?" or "did they really say what I think they said?" and it's about the simplest, most non-consequential kind of stuff.

I'm just looking for anyone's opinion as to whether this is even the right group for me to be a part of, or if you've had similar experiences, we can maybe share ideas and figure things out.

Thanks!

[BonnieSue]

I think I know what you mean. And I think what you're talking about with the delayed reaction part is because if you're kind of daydreaming a little, you don't react right away to a sound or a few words, you react a little late and then wonder how long it was since someone might have been talking to you or saying what you think they might have been saying. I do that very thing and sometimes I think people may think I ignore them deliberately but that's not true. I'm not hearing them right away. I'm in another world. I have a delayed reaction to their words. And I'm not sure what was said.

I have bipolar II. Just lately I'm having what you describe as feeling like I'm at an angle of 45 degrees. Or 68 degrees or whatever. Like I'm towering over something on the ground and feeling off centered and maybe will lose my balance and fall. That's what I call feeling "off". My physical therapist doctor has suggested more water intake so I'm not dehydrated to make this feeling go away but that doesn't seem to be helping.

I'm relatively new at this bipolar thing so I don't have any answer to this for you. I do know a site for us bipolar types you may want to check out. It's bipolarsupport.org. They know a heck of a lot there and are supportive. They do allow a little more expressive language there but it's still well monitored besides that. There is no bipolar community here so that should be fine for me to tell you about one.

I'm here every day so you know where to find at least 1 bipolar person. But you are maybe bipolar I? And I'm bipolar II---quite different, though both bipolar. I guess it depends on how manic you get. I'm very calm when I stay up all night. That's my high energy or hypomanic time. You can always message me should you want to and I'll find it and answer you. I'm also GAD, a little OCD and PTSD.