Can't take it

Hi all. I'm a 36 year old female. My story is a bit lengthy but I REALLY appreciate you reading it and any advice you may have. I have suffered OCD, depression and anxiety most of my life in one way or another. I was first put on Paxil 18 years ago for postpartum depression. I remained on Paxil through a subsequent pregnancy. Last March I became pregnant. Big surprise! I was told I was not able to have more children. I weaned myself off of the Paxil and occasional Ativan that I used for sleep. I'm a nurse and I work nights. About this time I was taken off work due to extreme nausea and vomiting caused by the pregnancy. At 25 weeks pregnant shit hit the fan. I was blasted with horrific anxiety. I couldn't sleep, eat, function. I left my family home and stayed with my mom and dad. I couldn't let her out of my sight. I was placed in an inpatient facility for one, yes one day. The second day they decided I couldn't be there because I was pregnant. During that one day I was placed on Zoloft and klonopin. By God's grace I was accepted to see the only obgyn/psychiatrist in California. I traveled 4 hours weekly to see her. She started me back on Paxil and Ativan. I continued to be unable to function. Hell is the only way to describe it. At 32 weeks My water broke and I was ambulances 1.5 hours away where I had an emergency c section. He was in the NICU for 3 weeks. During this time the hell continued. The dr in the hospital switched me back to klonopin. I'm going to not drag this on further as you get the picture. Postpartum depression soon kicked in. I was very unfortunately switched to a new psychiatrist as I could no longer see the other one because I was past postpartum. Pristiq was added to my Paxil and I remained taking Ativan at bed. Things started to look up. This week I have slipped. I'm having the anxiety and depression again. I'm scared to death to go back where I was. I think it's rooting from me having to return to work on 3/1. I just need advice. How do you cope? I can't handle the symptoms. Feel like I can't see, extreme forgetfulness, panic, feel like I'm floating. I am on Paxil 40 mg, pristiq 50 mg, deplin, Ativan 1/2mg at bed. I go to a counselor every other week. Please help.

3 Replies

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  • Hi Meggs. It sounds like you've been having a really tough time.

    I'm not sure how much I can help as my situation is different to yours, but I can share some tips that I use.

    Breathing really helps with the symptoms. I try to breathe in for count of four and out for six. Or whatever I can manage depending how bad I feel. The slightly longer exhale helps balance things out.

    Also, focusing on things outside of my head. So I think about my sense - what can I hear? What can I see? Etc. It's a useful grounding exercise.

    I recently returned to work after a couple of months off sick. The stress about going back has been horrible. I can only think about one day at a time. Whenever I think further into the future it's overwhelming. So I stick to tiny steps. Just today. Or if it's bad - just the next half an hour. Then the next one.

    Hope some of this is useful.

  • Thank you for answering me. Your suggestions are great reminders for me. I appreciate you.

  • Hi! Thank you for sharing your story. I do not have a lot of time to reply, but I would like to say that you can always reach out to me on here. I just started on here and find the site to be helpful. It sounds like you have been on a rollercoaster of med changes. I take prozac (80 ml.), buproprion, alprazolam (one time a day and as needed) and haldol. It sounds like a lot, know. It helps me to keep balanced and through time I have learned to accept that is what I need to do. I admire nurses. I think it is a tough job! I am sure going back to work is triggering your anxiety. I have always gone by the theory to go a day at a time and sometimes it is an hour, or minutes. I also use the Serenity Prayer to help me.

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