There's a friend who i see every month or so and we're super into each other. (I think you know what i mean.) Had an amazing night. I wake up, we spend more time together...i feel so sexy and desired and comfortable with him. So he went back to sleep and i found myself crying. I love the time we spend together, i really do but i am sort of sad that it will be over today. I haven't felt this way, in such a long time. My self-esteem is so low and i feel nice and desired. But what is bugging me is, when am i going to have that feeling again, have something i enjoy so much. He knows i have these issues and is very sweet and comforting but I've been having trouble sleeping. I wake up early and that's it. I can't nap anymore or sleep past 8 am. So I'm typing this while he's asleep. I wish i didn't feel this way. I think i need to keep doing things for myself, whether its a new experience or self care. i don't want to look back at this as a sad experience (its not like i won't see him again) and i don't think i will, i just wish I could enjoy it and keep going on...not having my default to be upset or cry.