My Dad died... but not from PCa - Advanced Prostate...

Advanced Prostate Cancer

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My Dad died... but not from PCa

curious-mind1 profile image

Hello friends,

It is with great sorrow that I share this news of my dad's death last night. He died in his 80th year, sleeping and oblivious to everything, in a coma. Most importantly for him, he did not die from his Stage IV prostate cancer. He got struck by a subchronoid hemorrhage in the brain, when an aneurysm burst. He was conscious up on arrival at the hospital, but never came out of the coma that followed the coiling of the burst vessel.

He died with his PCa in durable remission, with a PSA score of <0.006 for the last three years. Originally treated in 2001, his cancer metastasized aggressively in November of 2014, with a doubling time of less than two weeks, and mets in his bones, lymph nodes and the left kidney. But we were able to recover from that, mostly with the direct help of members of this forum.

Here, we want to thank the oncologists who treated him into a full remission, and their wonderful staff: Dr. Charles "Snuffy" Myers, Dr. Anna Ferrari at NJ Cancer Institute, and Dr. Charles Drake at Columbia Presbyterian in NYC. These are incredible doctors, amazing human beings, who made us feel that we're not alone in this struggle.

And lastly, we want to thank everyone on this forum, who for many years provided a vital form of support, inspiration and knowledge. Thank you so much!

I personally feel robbed of my dad too soon. He was weak with anemia from the therapies, but he was not a dying man. The stroke was like getting hit by a car, it was so sudden. But, as some have told me, he died without knowing that he was dying, and in his coma, he probably felt no pain at all. I love my dad, he did everything right as a parent, but I could not save him this time, and that pains me greatly, it hurts so much, but I just couldn't do it...

Thank you again everyone!


87 Replies

Sorry to hear your dad passing away. It was a quick, painless death and that's how almighty wanted. Prayers for the departed soul. Wish you and your loved ones strength to bear this loss.

Thank you!

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Things often hit us from left field - it's just as shattering either way. I'm glad he didn't suffer.

Thank you, and thanks for the help and feedback through the years.

...I'm always hoping to wake up and be dead (aka die in my sleep). I guess that was a very close second. I'm sure it was easier for him...perhaps not for those left behind. So sorry for your loss.


Thanks greatjohn what you say makes sense and gives us peace.

My condolences, curious-mind1. I hope you are able to take some comfort from the fact that you fought hard for your Dad all the way through the end of the game. There is honor and true love in that. Peace to your and your family!


Thank you, you're so right about true love, I'm glad I was there for my dad as best as I could.

You fought the good fight with your Father. He achieved what we all seek, to pass from something else before the prostate cancer gets you.


Thank you, yes, he definitely did not want to be beaten by the cancer.

I Pray to my God often, that I do not want to die from this disease. And always continue, "that You, can take me any time now, as long as it is not from Pca: "That I am at war with this disease, and I do not like losing". "That dying of something else means I won". This is true!

But that is me!

As for you Arthur, I Pray that you will be provided with a tremendous amount of Mercy and Grace during this transition of sadness. That there is a special Shalom Gadol, a Great Peace that has no boundaries of time, and that this be provided to you at this time. May your Father's Name live on forever!


Thank you for your words, especially the Great Peace that has no boundaries of time. It reminds of what the great philosopher Spinoza said about God being endless energy/presence in matter that envelops us all. My dad thought like you, and I'm sure he would be happy knowing that he was fortunate enough to die suddenly, having kept PCa at bay!

No pain at the end is a blessing, cherish your memories of him. God bless.

very true, thank you!

God Bless him and his family.

I’m very sorry to hear of the loss of your father.

Darryl profile image

Hi Arthur. Condolences to your family. Malecare and our forum thank you for the honor in participating in your Dad’s care.

curious-mind1 profile image
curious-mind1 in reply to Darryl

Thanks Darryl. This forum has been an incredible blessing, and I will remain active on it, adding whatever I learned in my Dad's fight to the collective wisdom that is helping so many people on this forum.

So sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing your story with us.

You are going to miss him. Take care of yourself. Thanks for letting us know.

Thank you.

My sincerest condolences on the loss of your Dad! May wonderful memories of him bring you peace and comfort, heal your heart and ease your pain...🙏♥️

My condolences to you and Family.

Stay strong and take good care.


You obviously did your very best and I know he is so proud of the person you have become. You were lucky to have each other for so long.


So sorry for the loss of your dad

Sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

Words cannot say how truly sorry I am to hear that your beloved father has passed. You did everything in your power to care for him . God bless you,

as others have written, stay strong and take care of yourself


Thank you!

It is hard to lose a parent so suddenly. May you find peace knowing you loved and cared for him as he aged and battled his cancer. You are a good son.


Thanks, Mike.

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So sorry to hear of your loss. You sound like a loving and caring daughter. God Bless you and your Dad. 🙏

I'm so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in our prayers.

My condolences to you and your family.

My sincere condolences prayers to you and your family.

Condolences for your loss. The biggest blessing is that he did not suffer. I lost my dad a month ago to PCa and the last few months were tough. I miss him immensely but I’m at peace now that he is at peace.

curious-mind1 profile image
curious-mind1 in reply to sujkap

Thank you, and my condolences for your loss. I'm sure it brought profound comfort to your dad, knowing how much you loved and cared for him through this fight. He's resting peacefully, I'm sure.

Rest in peace, my condolences to you and family

So sorry to hear of your loss, but thankfully pca did not get him, and now at peace

Your dad didn't die. He lives on in you.

Nirman profile image
Nirman in reply to Jvaughan0

Very well said

Thank you, I'm indeed starting to think like this now...

Oh sorry to hear about your dad he really was a brave man. Rest in Peace condolences to you and your family. Arthur brother I can understand what you feeling at sone extent as my dad is also fighting his war with PCA and I am with him and I'll do my best.

curious-mind1 profile image
curious-mind1 in reply to Nirman

Thanks, Nirman. Keep fighting for your dad, everyday we and science gain new weapons against this tough disease, and we're closer and closer to making it a long-term manageable condition.

My prayer for you Arthur, and I hope you can find comfort that he did not suffer much. Cherish the times you have with him and do the same to your children if you have any. Times spent and memories are more precious than any material thing you can have. Also, if you don’t know believe that God our Father loves you. Seek Him out. If you are grieving, seek support from a program called Grief Share.

Thank you!

He was blessed to have his family. He was blessed to have you. He was blessed with a long life and with a quick exit. May your pain last only as long as you need it.

Thank you, it may be a strange thing to say, but my pain today is less than yesterday, I've gotten overwhelming support not just from my family, but also from the wonderful people on this forum.

My Dad also died of a stroke and I share in your grief. You are a wonderful son, God bless you all.

I am so sorry. I am sure he loved you as I love my daughter very much. God bless and give you comfort.

Many prayers for peace. respectfully...r-

So awful sorry for your loss, my dad is 88 and stage 4. ,he’s my hero and not looking forward to his passing, Glad to hear that he was not in pain and the monster didn’t claim him. RIP there brother 🙏🙏🙏🙏. Amen

Keep up the fight for your dad, don't think of his passing, nor of him being Stage IV - just enjoy every day with him to the fullest - you're doing the most honorable thing possible a son can do - standing by the side of your dad, no matter what.


I am so sorry for your loss. On last Memorial Day, we got in a terrible car accident someone ran a stop sign. I can tell you from first hand experience as I ended up with two synchronous hemorrhage in the brain, one on each side. There is no pain at all. None. Sending you and your family peaceful thoughts.

Thank you for sharing your story, it just reinforced our belief in his painless exit.

My sincere condolences. I wish you and your family the best. I am glad he went peacefully and was not in pain. We will all see each other again someday in one form or another. Hang in there. Sending hugs.

So very sorry for your loss of your Dad. Hugs and prayers to you.

Hey curious-mind--

My sincerest sympathies to you and your family.

Even when expected the death of a loved one is still a shock.

Flesh is temporary. The spirit is eternal as is the love forged between people.


Very true!

I have a Son just like you. Be all that he taught you to be. Peace be with you and the family.

curious-mind1 profile image
curious-mind1 in reply to Seebs9

Thank you!

I'm very sorry for your loss.May the good Lord comfort you during this difficult time!

God is with you at this time as he has always been with you and your

dad. God Bless You.

A celebration of his long life and prayers for your healing of grief during this difficult time.

God give you the strength and courage to overcome this sad turn of events.What you did for your father is a testimony for all of us. You and your father gave us an example to follow.

Thank you for doing all you did. We will pray for you and your father.

Thank you so much, everyone on this forum is an inspiration.

Wishing I had someone like you to help me on my journey. Bless your father, now that he is at peace. And bless you on your journey.

My heartfelt condolences for your loss. It is always too soon when losing a loved one.

I am sorry for your loss. May God bless you and your family.

Arthur, You have been a wonderful son to your father. He is at rest now and he beat the monster. I believe that right now you father is having the darndest time learning how to play the harp and getting use to his wings.... May he always remain the light in your life for eternity...

j-o-h-n Monday 11/11/2019 7:51 PM EST I salute all veterans today and everyday.

Thanks, John, good humor as always!

I’m sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you.

Best wishes

So sorry for your loss. May he rest in peace. Our prayers are with him and your family

Sincere condolences. I can only begin to imagine your grief. Havving lost my Dad, I can imagine your grief. In time, I am sure the warmth of his memory will provide comfort.

Thank you, and very sorry for your loss as well.

So sorry for your loss. It is comforting to think that his death was relatively peaceful and painless. It's OK if you or any others who knew him personally may find yourselves possibly feeling deprived of some time spent saying Goodbye to him, or Forgiving or asking for Forgiveness for any of the inevitable things that may have happened in a full life within a family. The same goes for any final expressions of Love, Thankfulness, and Gratitude at the end of life that you may not have been able to express. As you take the time to sort through all the details and his remaining personal "stuff" and memorabilia, I hope you have some good, extended times to savor your memories of him and his life, and your times with him. These things naturally take some time. Grieve well, and Peace to you.


Thank you, Charles.

I lost my dad to lung cancer many years ago and, like you, I took on that role of researcher. Be kind to yourself in coming days. Death comes for us all, no matter how we fight against it.

You did all you could. May his memory be a blessing to you.

Thank you.

God Bless you and your family. Reading the dialogue between you and the others on this site is heartwarming. We are all in this together.

Thank you. Indeed, this forum is a really special place.

I'm sorry for your lost,my husband got a late diagnosis 2018 all we can do is the best we can,info,options,and prayer.

Very true! All the best!

Arthur, my best to you and your family.

Thank you!

sorry to hear this but you did your best. the bell tolls for us all eventually

Sorry to hear, my condolences to you and your family.

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