Lost the Battle: My wonderful husband... - Advanced Prostate...

Advanced Prostate Cancer
8,708 members9,791 posts

Lost the Battle

Holly1952
Holly1952
114 Replies

My wonderful husband of 38 years passed away on September 26 at the age of 71. Ten years ago he had brachytherapy. In 2018 he was on Zytiga for seven months until it stopped working. In January he started taxotere for a few rounds, then Jevtana and finally cyclophosphamide. He rapidly started to decline on cyclophosphamide. He was accepted into receiving Keytruda but was too weak. He had three cystoscopies between December 2018 and June 2019 to stop the bleeding but they didn’t help. I am beyond sad and heartbroken that he is gone. He suffered so much.

I pray that there will be a cure for all of you battling on against this horrible disease.

114 Replies
oldestnewest
mklc

Dear Holly,

My heart is so sad for you.

Your dear husband fought a brave battle with you by his side.

I hope you have family around you to remember and talk about your dear husband and remind yourselves of the happy times you had together.

My sincere condolenses for your loss. Mike

9 likes
Reply
GranPaSmurf

Saddened to read of another 'end of journey'. But heartened to read of the persistent, 'never give up' warrior.

I'm praying for your strength and recovery from the collateral damage this awful disease causes.

9 likes
Reply
LearnAll

Sorry to hear this news. Praying for you to have serenity to accept this huge loss. Wives like you who stand by her life partner like a rock are great human beings. We all have to go some day..that's the ultimate truth .

7 likes
Reply
DarkEnergy

You are the definition of a real warrior, your husband tackled the prostate cancer, but science is lacking on how this disease survives beyond what we know.

Some cancer cells just thrives beyond the treatments, we need to discover why.

I'm one year in with advanced prostate cancer, your husband took the bullet for many of us on the front line.

You are my hero...

15 likes
Reply
Tall_Allen

I'm so sad to hear of your loss. We lost a member of our local prostate support group this week, These people are irreplaceable. We are all diminished by their loss.

21 likes
Reply
joekaty

I am so sad to see this. Know a lot of hearts will be hurting with yours as they read this, and so many people will see this and be thinking of you, praying for you, sending healing thoughts your way. There are never the right words but your loss will be shared and felt here. ❤️

6 likes
Reply
Magnus1964

It is always sad to hear we have lost one of our own.

9 likes
Reply
dockam

My sincerest condolences to you and your family :-(

Another Brother taken by d*mn PCa

Rest in Peace Sir and suffer no more

8 likes
Reply
Nonamelame

I have no words.......

2 likes
Reply
Jscjac

I am so very sorry for your loss. Peace and blessings.

4 likes
Reply
Collarpurple

😪 so sorry Hope you have family around you

4 likes
Reply
CRK2

Hello Holly, all of us face this disease together. It is a true brotherhood, and your loss is devastating. So many good men face this disease so bravely, and so many suffer for all that it has stolen from us. Your husband must have been a very brave man, it is not easy to live with this disease, and often it is the women in our lives that maintain our drive to stay alive. I am truly sorry for your loss.

8 likes
Reply
gleason9guy

This sad new weighs heavy on our hearts and minds. I'm sending a prayer out to you this evening.

6 likes
Reply
tallguy2

My sincere sympathy on the loss of your dear husband.

4 likes
Reply
whatsinaname

My heartfelt condolences to you.

May you have the courage to live a normal life now.

6 likes
Reply
RalphieJr64

So sorry

3 likes
Reply
WSOPeddie

Thank you for sharing. I'm sad to hear of your loss and of the difficult times you've had to deal with. Please accept the condolences of us on this site.

5 likes
Reply
Flydoggy

So sorry for your loss, sounds like you were lucky to have each other for 38 years...hope you find solace in your memories, Godspeed with your healing.

4 likes
Reply
Greatfaith

So sorry, God Bless you & keep you in his care.

3 likes
Reply
siouxbee19

My sincerest sympathies to you. May God grant comfort, peace and healing for you, now and always. God bless the caregivers, too! 🙏♥️

5 likes
Reply
Lulu700
Lulu700
in reply to siouxbee19

🙏

Reply
timotur

Very sorry to read this, God bless you, best wishes and memories of your long marriage together.

3 likes
Reply
Schwah

What can you say to someone who’s lost the love of their life? Our language has not yet created sufficient words to express the sorrow. Hopefully the love you can feel from this site will at least give you a small bit of comfort as you move forward. I can tell you one thing. Virtually every man on this site with a loving wife such as you, wishes upon our demise, for you to somehow forge on, and try to find some meaning and joy in life until we meet again on the other side ....

Schwah

8 likes
Reply
Currumpaw

Hey Holly1952,

I am sorry to read of your husband's passing. It is never easy. Your words show the special bond you and he had. Try to do what he would have wanted you to do. Grieving takes time but also reflect on the good memories. It is hard and you will never forget but the pain will ease. My sincere sympathy to you.

Currumpaw

5 likes
Reply
JorgeW

My sincerest heart felt sadness for your loss Holly - thank you for thinking of the rest of us at such a tough time for you - bless you.

5 likes
Reply
MelaniePaul

Dear Holly1952,

I am so very sorry for your loss. It is only 16 months ago since my own husband lost the battle. I suppose the only comfort that remains is that they are no longer suffering and that they are at peace now. I hope you have people around you to support you in this difficult time.

Mel.

6 likes
Reply
dmt1121

He is at peace and you are embarking on a new journey. Hopefully you can enjoy the memories and have some peace yourself at some point.

Best wishes for your transition from being care taker for your husband to caring more for yourself. I am guessing your husband would want it that way. Please let us know how you are doing.

3 likes
Reply
2dee

Thank you for sharing your story of your love and companionship for so many years. I can only say that his experiences likely played a part in advancing the quest for a cure that may help some of us or our progeny in the near future. You are very lucky to have the time you spent together. Keep looking ahead and enjoy your remaining life as a tribute to the partnership you shared.

2Dee

3 likes
Reply
noirhole

So sorry for your loss. Every post giving news of another brother lost is heart felt by us all those of us with cancer and our care givers.

3 likes
Reply
Bebby1

My heart breaks for you

I’m so sorry

I hope the memories of the 38 years stay beside you in this very sad time , and that you have people you love close by

🙏🏽

2 likes
Reply
Haniff

So sorry for your loss. Please take good care and stay strong.

Haniff

2 likes
Reply
Rmurchu

My sincere condolences for the loss of your husband, I’ve read all the comments sent regarding your husband passing, the sincere warmth of feelings and sorrow felt by others on this site was so supportive and very comforting to read. I hope that all these supportive comments help comfort you in this time of sorrow and help your spirit soar once again. It’s time to take care of you now Holly. Hugs being to you . Take care of yourself .

2 likes
Reply
boseley

So sorry to hear of your loss, it is such an awful disease. Thoughts are with you.

3 likes
Reply
BadNews4me

Holly, it hurts to hear your story. Never stop fighting. Take care and God bless you for all your suffering.

2 likes
Reply
JuanVV

So sad for you, my heart goes out to you. You are very brave, lots of light and love.

2 likes
Reply
Tmetz

I am so sorry. Sending prayers for strength

2 likes
Reply
Hurling24

Holly so sorry for your loss. Prayers and hugs.

2 likes
Reply
Pmann

I am so sorry for your loss. May he Rest In Peace and you rest in the assurance you loved and supported him all the way. May God Bless...

2 likes
Reply
lynnedrum

I am so very sorry for your loss

2 likes
Reply
Ladysingstheblues

Holly, I am so very, very sorry for your unspeakable loss. May you find strength

2 likes
Reply
larry_dammit

😢 my heart goes out to you , this monster is so awful. 🙏🙏🙏🙏. Amen

2 likes
Reply
Cancer09

I’m so sorry for your loss .you now start your painful journey of grief. My thoughts are with you.it won’t be easy.my husband died at 67 three years ago this month..everyday was a gift.

4 likes
Reply
SeosamhM
SeosamhM
in reply to Cancer09

Are those gifts enough, C9? I struggle with the thought...the certainty... that I have the advantage of knowing that every moment of my life is “now”, and that my family will go through years of “when”... will I continue to bring the sorrow of my struggle to them even after a I am gone? It is almost unbearable.

3 likes
Reply
dmt1121
dmt1121
in reply to SeosamhM

I feel similarly but I believe two things to be true. First, my family is very happy to have me here for as long as is possible, though they are still worried. Second, it is my unfounded guilt and love for them that is driving my concern. Love is good but guilt is destructive and distracts from our being here now to enjoy the moment. I have gotten better at enjoying the time we have together, knowing that everyone has to deal with life events their own way. Thankfully, my daughters are grown and in solid relationships. I would be much harder with younger children.

My wife bears most of the burden (though I remain independent and working right now), for helping coordinate my care, along with care for some others in the family. I am most concerned for her. We talk about how she's doing and what we can do to keep her life balanced and healthy. She has a therapist to talk with and I hope to have one soon.

I don't know your situation but I do wish you the clarity of mind and that you are able to take the opportunity to have candid conversations with your close family and friends about this. You may be pleasantly surprised at what you find.

All the best to you.

Reply
Psa73

Condolences to you and family,for sent.

2 likes
Reply
Cmdrdata

MY prayers for you and your family. I pray that you can hang on and draw strength from God the Father and knowing that your husband is no longer subject to the suffering and pains from this world. I also pray that his last few years with you had been a pain free and had happy one with you by his side.

2 likes
Reply
Hohman

My deepest wishes that you find peace in knowing how much He appreciated your Support and much needed Love during his brave battle!!

2 likes
Reply
Istomin

My deepest sympathy.

2 likes
Reply
Dachshundlove

Holly1952:

I’m so sorry. PC is a cruel disease. I’m glad he is no longer suffering, and for you it will be a process.

We are here for you. Impossible journey we are all on.

3 likes
Reply
Litlerny

Holly, I am truly saddened to hear about your dear husband’s passing. You both will definitely be in my prayers at church this morning. I hope the sorrow and sense of loss you feel now will, in due time, be replaced by happy memories from your 38 years together. Stay strong. Keep your faith. May your love for him sustain you and your family as you grieve his loss.

As for the rest of us, his passing is a sobering reminder that we are a long way not only from a cure for advanced PCa, but also from the ability to make it a chronic, but not lethal, disease. We need to join Holly in her prayer for a cure for advanced PCa.

May God bless Holly, her family, and all of us in this forum.

Mark

3 likes
Reply
EdinBmore

It SUCKS! I am so sorry and sad for your grief. The emptiness is crushing.

Edinbaltimore

2 likes
Reply
kapakahi

I'm sorry. All I can say is that no one can grieve for losing the love of your life as you do, it's a singular grief known only to you, born of the love you and he built together, moment by moment, over decades of intimacies, great and small, none forgotten, all of them unique only to you, that now reside forever in your heart, yours and yours only. So while we share your grief, at the same time you are alone with it, and it's something precious none but you can bear, a continuation of the love that bound you together with him, memories to hold you as he did, motivation to wake every morning and continue as you know he would want you to, with sorrow, yes, but also with smiles as those memories arise to guide and strengthen you. The pain may ease over time, but it will also always linger, and I'm sorry for that.

Those we love from the first

can't be put aside, or forgotten,

after they die, they still must be cried

out of existence, tears must make

their erratic runs down the face,

over the fullnesses, into

the craters, confirming

the absent will not be present,

ever again. Then the lost one

can fling itself outward, its

million moments of presence can scatter

through consciousness freely, like snow

collected overnight on a spruce bough

that in mid-morning bursts

into glittering dust in the sunshine.

Galway Kinnell

3 likes
Reply
Lulu700
Lulu700
in reply to kapakahi

I like the spruce bough.. nice

Reply
Break60

So sorry! May he Rest In Peace in the arms of God!

2 likes
Reply
DSEE

Holly 1952-

Your husband was born 9-26-48

So was my husband.

I am so very sorry for your loss.

He fights hard himself and we are currently in second round of chemo.

May the light shine through to you during this time to bring comfort.

There are no words.

Peace be with you.

3 likes
Reply
Lulu700
Lulu700
in reply to DSEE

🙏

Reply
longleaf

Condolences for your loss. Praying for you.

2 likes
Reply
dadzone43

Your and his courage are models for all of us. Partners carry so much of the load. I know that mine does. We attended the MaleCare conference yesterday in New York. A featured speaker was Debra Jennings, the wife of a New York Times writer. The entire program yesterday was given by females----surgeons, radiologists, oncologists, therapists and researchers. Imagine!

2 likes
Reply
JDKotter

I’m so sorry for your loss, his memory and life lives on in those who he touched. Stay active and Take on new exciting endeavors! This will help your transition. God bless you

2 likes
Reply
APL1881

I am so very sorry for your loss. May you find peace.

2 likes
Reply
dogstar1

So sorry for your loss. Not much to add to what others have said. Take time to grieve and let others now care for you.

2 likes
Reply
Nalakrats

I am quite saddened by your loss. I have quietly prayed for what is called the Great Shalom. A Peace and Comfort that knows no boundaries, to carry you through your mourning and for all time.

Nalakrats

4 likes
Reply
Emmett50

I am so sorry for your grievous loss. Peace be with you.

2 likes
Reply
RonnyBaby

He had a wonderful spouse, no doubt. We share your sadness. The battle continues for the many left out there. May God bless .....

2 likes
Reply
jfoesq

Hello Holly- I have sadness in my heart for your loss. I hope in due time you can think about the wonderful times you enjoyed with your husband over the many years you were together and not about the difficult times he had to go through.

2 likes
Reply
Pierreb

My sincere condolences. Sending love and hugs.

2 likes
Reply
jls12

I'm so sorry. Its heartbreaking. My dad passed away 3 years ago this October at age 70. It's so terrible to lose our loved ones to this terrible disease.

2 likes
Reply
snoraste

My condolences. I hope he passed on peacefully.

1 like
Reply
jimreilly

I am so sorry to read this news; my sympathy to you and my hope that you may find comfort in the good memories you have of him and the continuing presence of friends and family.

1 like
Reply
16starsky

Heart felt condolences my heart breaks for you and your family.

May God comfort you , and give you the strength to continue, Your Husband must have been very proud of you for all you did for him.

Now he is pain free, may he rest in peace.

God bless

Kim

1 like
Reply
Abigayle

I am so afraid for my dad’s future. From watching my dad and helping my mom I know your husband could only make his journey because of your support.

I hope you have much love surrounding you and can let others take care of you while you heal.

Sending you my sincere condolences and hope that you may in time find joyful things in every day.

1 like
Reply
Lyubov

So very sorry. Keeping you & family in my prayers.

1 like
Reply
middlejoel

Dear Holly, my heart breaks when yet another warrior goes down. My sincere condolences and might the Almighty God have mercy on you in the years ahead.

1 like
Reply
gamemaster34

I am sorry for your loss. When one is hurting we all hurt with you.

1 like
Reply
Lulu700

🙏

1 like
Reply
Jamtu27

I'm very sorry for your loss. May the Lord comfort you and uphold you by the power of His infinite love.

1 like
Reply
bazt

I am so sorry to hear your sad news. xxx

1 like
Reply
chipler

So sorry for your loss.

We grieve with you.

1 like
Reply
DoggieDaddy

I usually have something to say on all topics but words escape me whenever this happens...we lost a Brother and his journey ended. May you gain the peace that lasts and lasts.

1 like
Reply
Bunkerboy

My sincerest condolences🙏🏻

2 likes
Reply
Gearhead

Holly1952: Thank you for sharing this sad news with us. I hope you understand that you are a special member of this family, and we would all like to give you a big hug if only we could.

1 like
Reply
CantChoose

Holly, so sorry to hear your news. Take care of yourself in the coming days. ❤️

1 like
Reply
bitittle

Holly so sorry for your loss. Try to focus on the wonderful 38 years you had together. Praying for your peace and comfort.

1 like
Reply
Jlaine

So sorry for your loss. I have lost 4 family members and 5 friends to cancer . I am also frustrated that the followup treatment remains the same for 50 plus yrs. Kemo and radiation which poisened your body as well! Granted they have keytrudata which also can kill you as it can cause your immune system to attack your organs as well. It is very discouraging and the majority of population are dying from this as we speak. All the dollars that are given to this horrible disease and we still don't have a better cure for this disease that torments your body. We can only hope and pray that this will change soon. My deepest sympathy to you and your family and may your husband finally be at peace!

2 likes
Reply
Shepard

The end time comes to all of us. The lucky ones have someone like you to walk with them. I wish you peace and blessings now at this time and that some how the good memories will smother your pain.

1 like
Reply
dadeb

I’m sorry for your loss 🌷

1 like
Reply
MeliaQuinn

I am truly sorry! I hope you and your family can find peace and comfort knowing how many terrific years you had with him and that he is no longer in pain.

1 like
Reply
Fitzbruce1

When my time comes my biggest wish will be for my wife to remember me fondly but to start enjoying her new life without me. After all of the love and compassion you showed him, I am sure that he wants you to be happy in your new reality. All my best to you!

2 likes
Reply
Vitaminlover

My heartfelt condolences for your loss. It is a very hard fight with many obstacles.

1 like
Reply
SuppWife

I am so sorry. From one wife to another, I wish you strength and peace. I’m so sorry. ❤️

1 like
Reply
Kimmilemo

Prayers for you, this cancer is brutal and what a brave husband . I’m so happy you had each other to lean on for 38 years. I hope you can find all the good times to focus on during those 38 years to bring comfort. Just place your hand over your heart, he’s always with you.

1 like
Reply
grahaminator63

Very sorry for your loss. Prayers for you and his family knowing he is not suffering.

1 like
Reply
Wdoug

So sorry and God bless.

1 like
Reply
Tub111

My heart goes out to you...I pray you stay strong as you have during his battle. It’s a tough road to be on, but when you can, remember him with a smile on your face.

A virtual hug from one who knows what you’re going through ...

Sheri

3 likes
Reply
j-o-h-n

To Holly, I'm so sorry for your loss. I just copied a poem which I hope will give you some solace:

He’s only gone on ahead of you,

Not just left you behind.

Although you can’t be with him right now,

He lives on in your heart and mind.

The day will come when you’ll meet again

On Heaven’s distant shore,

And the two of you will walk hand in hand

Together forever more.

j-o-h-n Monday 10/07/2019 12:42 AM DST

5 likes
Reply
Lulu700
Lulu700
in reply to j-o-h-n

👏🏼

Reply
Olivia007

Hello I’m sorry for your loss. I hope u are surrounded by loved ones to get through this time

Reply
lincolnj8

I feel so bad for you. He fought a terrible disease. Hopefully time will help you heal. Remember the good times and your happiness with him. Bob K.

Reply
Philly13

Dear Holly

Please accept sincere condolences. So sorry to hear of his suffering and yours. It must be hard to imagine, but in time, the warmth of his memory will replace the pain you are feeling now.

Of course, we don't know you, but we are all thinking of you during this difficult time.

May your husband rest in peace. I wish you and your family hope in the midst of sorrow, and comfort in the midst of pain.

Steve

Reply
FightTillTheEnd

Holly1952 Sorry for your loss. Thank you for supporting your hubby through his PCa journey. Having someone like you with him every step of the way must have made the suffering that much more bearable!

Reply
TNCanuck

I'm so sorry for your loss, Holly. May memories of the good times bring you comfort and peace.

Reply
billy1950

Hi Holly1952,

I send my prayers and thoughts for your grief. I believe in “life after death” and believe that the spirits of those who die still remain close to the living. “May the Lord look upon you with kindness and grant you His Peace.”

Reply
zenbee13

Dear Holly,

Gather loved one around you now. Know that your husband's no longer suffering, and remember the Man who was;

The Man who was the one you loved

The Man who caught your eye

The Man to whom you shared yourself

The Man who in Spirit still is close

The Man who shared this life

Peace and love,

Bees

1 like
Reply
Lulu700

Dear Holly, I pray that you heal and recover from this horrible diseases presence . Please know that there is no suffering for your beloved husband now. As a husband with APC my hope is for my angel to live healthy and happy if and when I check out early. There is no joy in loss . Please Keep yourself well and hold on to your faith. God Bless...Scott 🙏

Reply
Thinus

May God fold you in His love and give you a road ahead.

Reply
YostConner

My best wishes to you.

Reply
monte1111

Everyone has said it better than I could. So very sorry. Hope you find peace. My very best to you. Monte

Reply
tookiemaster

So very sorry to hear this. I lost my wife to inflammatory breast cancer in 2006 and needed help dealing with the grief. Our local hospice offers a program for bereaved spouses that I found extremely helpful in moving forward. The program went for 7 weeks and included the same individuals at each session. We became somewhat a family and some of us still meet for dinner every month.

Reply
j-o-h-n

Your loving wife hears everything you think and say. And I'm sure she is just as proud of you now as she was when you were together. May she rest as an angel...

j-o-h-n Monday 10/07/2019 6:54 PM DST

Reply
Holly1952

I am going to go to the hospice for the grief sessions they offer. I’m so sorry for your loss.

Reply
2_old_and_grey

So sorry for your loss. My prayers go out to you and your family. I lost my wife four years ago but not to Cancer, but her pain at the end was great. The wonderful memories of our long marriage and our family and friends have helped me through my loss. God Bless you and your family.

Reply
sedgley

I am desperately sorry for your loss and the fact that currently there are some matters that are beyond the scope of mankind's knowledge. My prayer is that it will not always be so.

May your God be with you.

Reply
Helpfulinfo

Holly I am sorry to hear of your loss. My husband lost the battle Sept 16 2019. I am still trying to wrap my head around it. I am ever so thankful that he is no longer suffering. I miss him so much but I believe I will heal and I am praying for the very same for you. Just one day at a time!

Reply
Holly1952

So sorry for your loss. My dear friend told me to go one hour at a time. I went back to work yesterday. My students keep me busy during the day. Funny things happen that I would always share with him. I still do when I get home. I know he’s listening and watching over me and our son. I will keep you in my prayers. They help me go on every day.

Reply

You may also like...