Thank you for allowing me to be a silent participant

[Mydadhascancer]

Dear Friends,

I call you friends as your stories inspire me and have given me information, education, and a feeling that my family and I were not alone; feelings friends in our daily lives can’t always instill. My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer 7 years ago after not being able to urinate without pain, and keeping this fact a secret, for three years. He was a Marine and a German one at that - very private, proper and a little stubborn.

He made the decision to get the robotic surgery at the local hospital and not to tell my brother and me. We only found out 2 years ago when the Mets had spread through his spine, hips, shoulders and legs, and his PSA was over 200. He went through Toxetire (please pardon my spelling), Lupron, xtandi, and zytega. The last scan in December showed a significant tumor in his liver and the plan was to biopsy the tumor to see if he now had liver cancer or if it had originated from the prostate cancer. Quickly it was evident that it was liver cancer and my dad decided on his own to stop treatment. My dad passed on January 13 at home surrounded by his wife and children - it was his choice. We learned after he passed that he was in extreme pain daily and was living for his wife, children and grandchildren - he kept a journal. My dad was humble, integritous, generous with his heart and made any person he engaged with feel like the most important in the room. He never wanted to burden anyone with his suffering, not letting us take care of him and always thanking us for each and everything we did for him.

Once I found out about the cancer, it was too late. We switched him to Memorial Sloan Kettering and they were wonderful it was just that he stayed with the local doctors and under the radar in private, while he suffered, for too long up until the time we switched. I begged God to take my father in the last days as he did not want to be wearing pads, lying in bed all day, not having an appetite, not able to make it to the bathroom, etc. We talked about death and he wasn’t afraid. I was more afraid of facing life without him. I am having a hard time and if there are any daughters who have lost a father I welcome the conversation about how to process this grief. I began seeing a therapist as well.

Thank you all so much for sharing your lives and your challenges. Cancer patients are the most brave and honorable of people - none having asked for this yet facing it day to day with courage, dignity and hope.

-Susan

[Dayatatime]

Well said and well written. I have 3 daughters and it hit home with me bringing a tear to my eye. Thank you for sharing and reaching out to others. Your dad is resting easy knowing you were in his life and loved him. I'm sure he was a proud man.

God bless,

Ron

[gusgold]

It appears your dad was pro-active in that he went through both first line and second line androgen therapy. The liver cancer would have been fatal no matter what other PCa treatments he would have gone through

[softwaremom00]

I am so sorry about your dad. I lost my dad to cancer 4 years ago.. I miss him a lot. I wish I could give you advice on the grief. I still cry about it. I play the songs he loved and talk about him a lot to my children. He lived with me the last couple of years of his life. He was such a good friend. I feel lucky to have been able to get to know him and be with him as long as I did. Sending you tons of hugs and prayers!

[Dr_WHO]

Welcome. Thank you for sharing your story with us. Thank you for being you. Thank you for sharing your story. I hate cancer with a passion. Not for what it does to those that have it, but what it does to the family, friends and caregivers.

I am sorry for what happened to your dad. But also for what it did to you and your whole family. Susan, I am proud to call you my sister. We are all family here. For people like us we have to stick together.

God Bless

[YostConner]

Susan,

Thank you for sharing your story. I lost a grandmother to liver cancer--very quickly. I hope you have many very happy memories of and with your father that will help crowd out the pain. My thoughts are with you.

Yost.

[mishysmom]

Susan, I am sorry to hear about your dad and I send my condolences to you and your family. I feel all the emotions you have expressed so eloquently in your message. I just joined this site to help me cope with my father's prostate cancer. My father is not one for sharing his thoughts and fears and I think that has affected his attitude. I love to share and get strength from friends, books, doctors and different websites. He would not be happy if he knew I was on here. But here I feel like I am part of a family.

He is getting on in years (mid 80's) and the cancer is spreading. He has been treated at MSK for the last 28 years and now all drugs have stopped working. He was on casadex, Nalandron, zytiga, xtandi and lupron (which he is still on). He was in a trial endocyte study 15-077 at MSK for over a year but it was effecting his kidneys so they just took him out of the study. The PSA number now is 730. He may be going into a different trial study at Weil Cornell - something called 177-LU-PSMA-617. He may not be eligible for the trial but we will find that out at the end of February.

This disease is taking its toll on everyone. My mother, who goes with him to all appointments for the last 28 years, is a saint. He lashes out at her and gets so angry and he is losing hope. I believe his trying to hide the disease from family and friends has taken its toll. There is something to be said for sharing and being able to feel like someone else understands. Your father did a wonderful job raising you and his legacy will live on in you and your children. May god grant you strength to deal with the pain of loss and thank you for sharing your story. I will continue to check this site and become part of its community. It is filled with bright men and women who think positively and are filled with hope and when necessary filled with compassion for those who suffer a loss.

[erjlg3]

Dearest Susan,

I am so very sorry for your loss of your Dad. He Sounds like he was such a Valiant Gentleman. It will take time....to heal/mend your broken heart and to hurt less. It's Always A Great Thing To Me To Hear Of Great Dad's. I'm Happy That You Had A Wonderful Life With Your Dad 💖

Most Sincere blessings wished for you,

Jackie

[Dan59]

Susan, Thank You for sharing your story. I am so sorry for your loss of your Dad, He sounds like someone I would strive to be like.

Dan

[erjlg3 in reply to Dan59]

💖

[j-o-h-n]

to: Mydadhascancer

I am not a daughter but with all the hormones I've taken I'm starting to feel like one. Well anyway I am a son and my Dad died when I was 18 years old. I miss him every day but time heals all wounds. Feel blessed that you had him for many years and that he was surrounded by his loved ones when he passed.

At my last visit to my brother who died at age 61 (in 1981) from stomach cancer, he apparently had gone into a slight coma before I arrived at the VA hospital. He said these exact words to me "I was almost there and it ain't bad". We never discussed what he meant by "there" but every time I think about it (like right now) I cry. He passed away that same evening.

So you really never get over it but I always quote the Greek saying "Η ζωή στους ζωντανούς" "LIFE TO THE LIVING". Now you take care of yourself like you Father would wish you would.

May God Bless your Father and May He Rest in Peace.

Friede sei mit dir und mit deiner ganzen Familie.

j-o-h-n Tuesday 02/06/2018 6:17 PM EST