Nervous about internship

[AKFG_Fan]

I'm still only on 5mg Adderall and I'm starting this new internship soon. I do feel more awake throughout the day, but I am nervous about this internship.

Sometimes time gets away from me when I didn't intend for it to... I was good yesterday, tho. I was really dialed in and I completed my goal for the day.

Maybe once the ball really gets going, I'll get into a good rhythm. I mean, the minimum requirement is only 10 hours a week. That's manageable.

I was doing far more than that with the vocational training program during the first half of this year. Not that I was necessarily thriving during all that because my medication was all messed up, but I still survived and completed the program, got all 3 certifications, etc.

Yeah. But I'm also starting paid search marketing for the digital marketing agency and that's kinda scary. >_< That's sort of the part 2 of the internship. I'm learning social media management with the nonprofit and I'm practicing my bread and butter for the agency.

Maybe I can make it a thing to try to finish more Pomodoros earlier in the week so that I can relax the rest of the week. Yeah, I'll try to frontload the work so that I have extra time if I need it.

Yesterday was magic. And I think it's because of how many different focus tools I layer together.

I have it all on a little digital sticky note on my desktop. First, I make sure my little indoor shoes are on for my under desk cycle. Then I make sure my Flare Calmers are in my ears. Then on top of that, I put in my cheap noise-cancelling headphones. I have to do all of that because my boyfriend and I share an office and he does calls throughout the day. Then I make sure my Body Doubling Discord channel is on. Then I put on Endel.io music.

It seems like if I layer all these different things together and study with reading ebooks instead of videos (I know, weird but I'm that kind of neurodivergent), I can achieve peak performance mode.

I just wasn't able to perform as well today because there were a lot of external distractions. I had an in-person appointment with my therapist today, so that required driving. That was a time-suck. I talked with the pool man a little and talked to my mom. My mind bothered me, so I had to have a deck session. Those are my little spiritual sessions where I meditate and consult my Oracle cards.

At least I had a lot of good things to tell my therapist today. Lots of things to be grateful for. Better relationship with my mom and dad, a loving boyfriend. Gaining traction for my career. Just trying to throw some excitement into the nervousness so I can at least be nervousxcited because that's more fun than just nervous.

[STEM_Dad]

It sounds exciting. It sounds like you are also making some intentional decisions that should help you, like managing distractions and body-doubling.

Here is some advice that I learned a lot later in my career. This is particularly relevant for ADHDers:

• Build structure into your environment. It will help you. (It sounds like you're already doing this.)

• Create routines intentionally. One good way to build a routine is a method called "habit stacking". {Start with something that you already do regularly, and add the new habit you're forming to it. The first habit will become the cue for the second one. Use the second as a cue to the third...and you have a routine forming.}

• Ask. Just ask. When you don't know something or understand it well enough, ask. When you want to know someone's opinion on something, ask. When you aren't sure how to proceed, ask. When you need someone's authorization for something, ask. When you need to have check-ins with your supervisor, just ask (and take initiative, pick a time you think you're both available and send the meeting invite). ...Too often, we freeze up and stop making progress because we simply don't go out on a limb and ask.

[AKFG_Fan in reply to STEM_Dad]

Yeah, I think I do engage in habit stacking! I group things together. I pair checking email and calendar together. I pair showering with wiping down my watch afterwards. Then I do gratitude, which flows into my daily 12-step reading, which flows into writing a sentence or two (more if I'm extra inspired) about the daily reading. If I put on sunscreen, I get to have a little deck session or go for a short hike.

I just need to adhere to it all. That's the challenge, the adherence. But I am doing things far more consistently than I would in the past.

[STEM_Dad in reply to AKFG_Fan]

Medication can be a great aide in maintaining consistency.

Without my medication, my memory is terrible, I'm distracted very easily, and I can't focus (unless I hyperfocus...in which case it's hard to break away from doing so).

My current job can be so variable that it's hard to have any routines besides checking emails in the morning and taking my lunch break in the middle of the day. I hope that I can have some more consistent routines in my next job. In the meantime, I should building routines practice more at home.

[AKFG_Fan in reply to STEM_Dad]

We've upped my Adderall to 10mg and I'm noticing a difference for sure. Less anxiety and I feel more upbeat!

[STEM_Dad in reply to AKFG_Fan]

When I was on Adderall XR, 10mg was the dosage that worked best for me, too. 5mg was less than half as effective as 10mg. (20mg didn't have any more benefit for me, and gave me tachycardia.)

Adderall was the first ADHD medication I tried, because my doctor said it's what worked best for the majority of his ADHD patients. Since then, I've changed to non-stimulants, which in my case have been more helpful, but most people find stimulants to work better. But if Adderall was the only option that I had, I wouldn't hesitate to go back on it, because it was still way better than before I started on meds and ADHD.

[Tigger4me]

AKFG_Fan, Good luck on your internship. Sounds like you are trying out a lot of good things to work with your adhd. Might you be able to get in some exercise time as well. I know exercise works very well for my focus and emotional well being. Cheers.

[AKFG_Fan in reply to Tigger4me]

I have been exercising more lately. I have to because the doctor is starting to get on me about weight. I tried rucking last night and that was kinda fun. And I've started weight lifting and yoga as well.