Newly diagnosed and struggling

[Chaotic12345]

Hello, I was just diagnosed with ADHD this week after being on the waiting list for two years, I have been fully convinced I have it for a long time but now I am diagnosed I am struggling with feelings of guilt, imposter syndrome etc. I feel like I am undeserving and that I am a fraud, it is kind of upsetting and it’s like I am convincing myself now that I’m fine even though for two years I have had no doubts in my mind. Has anyone else experienced this?

[maribux]

Hi, I was diagnosed yesterday and I have a strange feeling too. Before I thought I could be a release, instead now I am confused. But I am trying to think that it was not my fault, but a different way to be. And this can be nice. I can feel I am not guilty or strange, but only different. And I hope to make my difference a strength.

[Husbandlover in reply to maribux]

I was diagnosed close to a year ago and I'm still struggling to figure out what it means for me. I've gone through several different phases of doubt,disbelief,relief and then back to doubt. This diagnosis rocks your world! Be patient with yourself and know it's going to take some time to come to terms with it.Best wishes

[Colls47]

hey.

I will try keep short as I go on and on .

I’m just 50 ( now have awful exesential dread daily )

I was diagnosed at 47, along with ASD , after my youngest of 4 was diagnosed ASD .

My self worth / esteem / belief / identity since then has gone . I mean gone , like I’m just adrift in a world I never fitted in to .

I will add , at same time diagnosed , lost dad , then mum , 2 uncles , lost contact with my 2 siblings through their narcissistic treatment , went bankrupt ( panicked with my debt so chose to myself ) and lost all work .

I’m not sure if it was the diagnosis or all my pillars falling away at once , but that’s what’s happened to me . And I’m scared daily .

I get constant mental reminders coming back at me showing me how I screwed this up , that up, offended bosses , fell out with people , didn’t fit in , couldn’t make things work etc , that just want to say to me SEE, I’ve always been a wreck .

I have yet to somehow allow myself the diagnosis as the reason why . I don’t want to by that person with another tag . I already have chrones disease , derision , anxiety, I don’t want to think I can’t change me . I always thought these were just HARD TIMES I was going though , and when I was older all would be fine .now I just feel hey , I’m gonna struggle till the day I die .

But look , that’s me . For some reason , I’ve become very negative , very doom and gloom, very worst case . Could be the ASD , or the fact things have been doom for a few years now , but that doesn’t have to be you .

I read so many posts of people saying wow , I was diagnosed , and wow , all makes sense , I’m so greatful and kind to me now . I wish that was me I really do .

But it’s early days for you right ? Give things time , you are still you ! Nothing new about you , just hopefully you may be more understanding of you now going forwards !! Given time !!!

[Chaotic12345 in reply to Colls47]

Thank you so much for your response and I’m so sorry to hear you have been struggling. I hope with more time you can find a way to no longer live in fear

[Colls47 in reply to Chaotic12345]

🙏🙏 just re read my reply . Started off by saying I will keep it short …. Then ramble on . Sorry .

[Chaotic12345 in reply to Colls47]

Don’t apologize! This is a space for sharing☺️☺️

[LookingForMyMarbles]

Yes, all of that and much more. Have been grieving what my life could have been for two years, getting sadder every day.

[AuDHD3245]

Yes. I think everyone does. BUT, you can put it this way: If you go to the hospital with a bad knee, been playing you up for ages, but it has got better, still painful but better. You want it sorted, and they ask you between 1 and 10 how painful is it? Correct me if i'm wrong, but you'll more than likely exaggerate slightly, make it more painful that it is. When you go to any professional, there's an underlying fear that they won't know how to solve your issue, and so naturally, you lay it on thick, you go into deeper depth about the situations that you face.

It's not lying, and with ADHD we do 'dramatise' things a little.

Your feelings of guilt are natural and normal, and more than likely because they diagnosed you. If you go and get diagnosed with cancer, there'll be level of self pity, guilt and remorse, for not being more careful with diet, drinking etc.

It does pass though, however, you're on the spectrum now, so, may aswell get used to it

All the best

[Chaotic12345 in reply to AuDHD3245]

That has helped more than you could know, thank you for explaining in a way my brain gets!!

[AuDHD3245 in reply to Chaotic12345]

You're welcome. It's important to remember and know, that 'everybody's different'. Same diagnosis, different background, story, level and severity. I considered my ADHD to be ADD initially. However, was diagnosed with ADHD and within that assessment it was advised an Autism assessment be carried out. So, did and have been diagnosed with high functioning autism too. Not only that, we're looking at aspergers too. So, my imposter syndrome went through the roof, naturally. I kept saying to the therapist that I feel like I'm lying. However, I had started the medication, they're stimulants, they work and changed the chemicals in the brain, helped the ADHD, and so in turn, of course that's caused me to think i'd been lying because my symptoms had cleared up. If you have a headache, take a paracetamol, headache clears, are you lying if you say you've got a headache?? No, because you have, under the paracetamol, and yes, because it's not as intense.

My advice is to forget any illnesses or conditions, just forget it. Move forward now 'with it', dont let it control you, you control 'it'

All the best

[Chionophile]

imposter syndrome is definitely not uncommon. I have been there- knowing my diagnosis it made me question things, heck I still do. But having masked for so long and doing it so well thanks to pressures of society I also see this as relief. Yes , I have mourned what could have been but now with medication and support I’m slowly coming to terms with it. I hope you do too- best of luck and let us know how it goes.

[Spazomtherazom]

It's normal. Even though you knew for 2 years it has likely affected your life for many more. You possibly like many other late diagnosis patients have underlying anxiety of the things that might have been different had you known sooner. It's great to be neuro atypical if you truly accept yourself. But sadly most people with ADHD struggle with self worth because of their need to fulfill tasks their brain often gives up on. Deep intensive therapy is almost the only way to truly understand yourself

[Zilmita]

I have and still do. I was diagnosed with adhd/learning disability, and slightly dyslexic when I was 6. I recently (September 16th) turned 43. From what I've read, heard on the radio/news/podcasts/doctors is that a person that has the disability must have gotten it through DNA. Meaning..... that someone in your family (whether it's a parents, grandparents, etc) has it and wasn't diagnosed. My mom swears that she has add but, has never been diagnosed and doesn't want to go to the doctor to see if she has it. So, it's not you. Someone in your family has it. Just know that it's not your fault, you're not an imposter, etc. It's just part of your DNA. Find something that interests you and do research on it and practice it and you'll see that you can be good at something and you'll surprise yourself. Good luck,

[Tigger4me]

Chaotic12345, for me, I try to be thankful for knowing that there is a bio-chemical reason for some of my adhd behavior and as Zilmita so clearly said, we are not the first in our families with this condition. My impostor syndrome flares up the strongest when I compare myself against someone who doesn't have adhd. I can see all that this other person has accomplished and it seems to be so much more than I have. One big problem with such a comparison is that I never stop to appreciate any task I've completed before quickly moving on to something new so I never feel good about or even remember that I've accomplished anything.