I recently diagnosed myself with ADHD after two years of depression, health issues and the end of my relationship. I can now see my ADHD symptoms. The symptoms or behavior has been with me my entire life. I've always steuggled.
I hope to get a professional diagnosis but I get the impression the diagnosis is just to get a prescription.
I'm confused and hurt and don't know how to move forward .
As an adult, getting a diagnosis is important for medication if that is something desired. It also can be validating just on a personal level to finally have an "answer" for why you do things the way you do. It's completely normal to be confused and hurt - you are grieving what "could have been" and that's totally okay. Moving forward - learn what you can, be willing to try things, tweak them, and try again. If you can work with professionals who are not only trained but also HAVE ADHD. Therapists, coaches, peer support. You are not alone!
Thank you for your words. I wonder if my symptoms are to blame or me. I think I have to take responsibility and I cannot ask people to forgive me. I feel terrible I hurt people.
So there are a few things to unpack there. First - when you take responsibility for something, that's exactly when it's okay to ask for forgiveness. Second - hurting people sucks. Big time. Especially those we love. However, our executive function defecits are a not an excuse, but they ARE an explanation. We don't tell people in wheelchairs that the fact that they can't walk is an excuse. They just should try harder. We don't take it personally when a deaf person can't hear us - that's not an excuse, it's a reason. It doesn't mean we can't work on skills to improve - but we need to have compassion for ourselves.
Think of it this way:Your symptoms are too blame for your struggles. However, it is on you to take responsibility for yourself and your actions.
If you were driving then lost control of the car and got into an accident, you would of course take responsibility for the accident. But the car had a mechanical failure that led to the accident, you are responsible for the car and the resulting accident, but the blame for the accident goes to the conditions that led to it...not any moral failing within you.
Taking responsibility might indeed require making apologies. (If someone has moved on, then maybe an apology would do more harm than good, so use your best judgement on this.
ADHD isn't an excuse. But as with all things in life there is cause and effect, ADHD can be a cause of issues and struggles, the reason why they happen. It does not mean that it's the reason why you can't move forward and achieve success over those struggles...and succeeding against the odds can make those successes even sweeter.
As one ADHD podcaster is known for saying, living with ADHD is "Life on Hard Mode". ~(Brendan Mahan, ADHD Essentials podcast) Just because things are harder for us, that doesn't mean that they are impossible for us.
Welcome to the community Onestepmore !
I got my diagnosis at 45. Once I did get diagnosed, it helped make all my struggles in life finally make sense, and I stopped beating myself up all the time about my shortcomings.
Getting an ADHD diagnosis can be for more reasons than to get medication, but that is the one reason why a diagnosis would be required.
It helps give some direction for other treatment and accommodation. If you were to get counseling/therapy, the ADHD diagnosis can help the therapist know where to start with treatment.
There are also ADHD coaches, who teach how to manage some of the difficulties that ADHD brings to your life.
Knowing your own symptoms and tendencies can help you to make adjustments to your life, or ask for accommodations at work.
Each of us has our own unique set & severity of symptoms, so your needs are individualized to you.
Thank you. You have been very helpful moving forward. I hope I can find a professional to talk to so I can understand myself better.
hey . Great you have come here to share . I can’t advise much as I’m fighting own battles in a big way , diagnosed at 47, now 50, and as confused sad and grieving as ever . For me , I don’t know any other way than what I’ve tried for last 50 years . And it doesn’t work or hasn’t , most of time .
Listen to others on here as some great solid advice 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
I just self diagnosed myself at 57. No need for a doctor’s agreement because I don’t plan on taking any meds. I’m grieving too…I see wasted decades in bad relationships because it took so long for to connect dots and, as a result, it’s not likely I’ll have another parter. I’m also not so sure I want one due to the impact of ADHD on them and the unlikelihood of finding a partner (most likely male) who is willing to learn, adapt some, and work with me on it. For example, when I’m not perfect and I don’t handle something ideally, to just hug each other instead of have yet another argument. So, yeah, grief. I say all this (as many with ADHD would) to express my empathy and deep understanding of your state right now. You’re definitely not alone.
hey you,
what u are feeling is very common among those os us who are late in life newly diagnosed( or informally dx self). that flood of mixed emotions n information is intense! ❤️
FYI - regarding ADHD meds without an ADHD diagnosis, I'm currently on bupropion (generic of Wellbutrin).• It actually works about as well for my Inattentive ADHD symptoms as atomoxetine (generic Strattera) did, and also eases my anxiety.
It's actually an non-SSRI antidepressant, but it has also been found to be effective as a smoking cessation medication and for treating ADHD. (I think it's only classed as an antidepressant in the US. In the UK and elsewhere, it's only prescribed as a smoking cessation treatment.)
So, if you have a diagnosis of depression, it might be an option.
It's unfortunate that you had such bad side effects from it. Wellbutrin does carry some scary warnings...they are relatively rare, but they can be extreme like you experienced. I'm lucky that I've had minimal side effects from Strattera (it can make me nauseous) and only mild side effects from Wellbutrin (sleepiness the first couple of days, and very mild but persistent headache the first couple of months... And I now realize after 3 months that the headache is gone).• Because of the warnings, I was prepared to switch back to Strattera at any time.
ADHD is caused by a deficiency in dopamine and/or norepinephrine (or a deficiency in how certain parts of the brain can process those neurotransmitters.
Nicotine is a stimulant, and acts similarly to stimulant medications like methylphenidate (Ritalin, Concerta, and others), or amphetamine type (Adderall, Vyvanse, and others). Basically, nicotine can actually "treat" the dopamine needs of the brain.
The problems with nicotine are that it's highly addictive, works too fast, and wears off too quickly.
It has been reported in the news that some researchers are trying to replicate the way that nicotine stimulates dopamine release, but in a controlled way and in a non-addictive form. If they are successful, there could be a new, potentially more effective ADHD stimulant to choose from...one which we already know that a lot of people would be likely to respond to.
Hi everyone who is following this thread, I'm a 73 year old male living in US with inattentive ADHD and I started taking ADHD meds when I was 50 (Ritalin then Adderall). I also take wellbutrin, so I'm familiar with some of the difficulties people may have in starting this medication. For me, the Wellbutrin was very helpful with smoothing out my emotional response to my ADHD behaviors, But again for me, I found that it was only marginally useful in reducing the underlying neuro-chemical cause of my ADHD behaviors. I found that for me taking Ritalin, then Adderall, were essential in allowing me to modify/reduce my actual ADHD behaviors. For example, being rather analytically minded, I found that without Adderall, I felt an overwhelming compulsion to refocus my attention every 1-2 seconds, but with Adderall, the compulsive feeling became merely an awareness that I was feeling like I could shift my attention and the time for this awareness to arise stretched out to about 4 seconds. This difference allowed me the opportunity to try to modify my behaviors, such as really hearing and engaging in conversations, such as really finishing a task and finishing it well before a deadline, such as shifting from avoidance/procrastination to just simply starting an assignment. Please notice that I said could shift and allowed me to try cause I still had to do these things and that didn't always happen. So again for me, the physician prescribed ADHD medications have been essential for helping me try to change my life.
As you said, being able to interject a "Pause" between the trigger and one's response is so critically important, but often so difficult. Many of our automatic responses to trigger events came about to protect us in some way, especially when we were young. Responses to protect us from harm, to protect us from separation, to protect us from guilt or from shame, to protect us from feeling vulnerable. However, as we get older, certain responses are no longer appropriate or useful, and in fact may be keeping us trapped cause we don't know any other way. Inserting that Pause between trigger and response may allow us to take a different path. Thanks for your nice reply reminding me about Pausing.
Newly diagnosed 26 year old mother
HELP! New diagnosis at 50!
58 Male - Just diagnosed and confused and stressing
21 year old with ADHD 
How do I treat ADHD at 50?
