Newly diagnosed 26 year old mother

Hi ADHDmom! I’m pretty new to the tribe as well. I was diagnosed in January.

I don’t think I had as hard of a time as you. My problem was I am too good at looking like I’m okay (aside from time-management problems and failing out of college twice). If I told my parents that I was diagnosed and on medication, I don’t think they would respond well. If I tell them at all, it will be after I graduate and have a relatively stable career/life.

My sister knows, and I have a brother and sister-in-law who would understand if I told them. If you can think of any family who might support you with it, it definitely helps. But I also understand having family who wouldn’t “get” it, even if you’re close to them in other ways.

I was diagnosed at 26 too. I wasn’t hyper as a child and I was in GT and AP classes from kindergarten through high school, until I dropped out. I went to college for 3 years and I was 1 year away from a Bachelor of Science degree with a major in Microbiology....then I quit that too. Once I was diagnosed at 26 and got put on Vyvanse, my life just got better and better. I built a successful career in real estate and it’s the first thing I’ve been really good at that I didn’t give up on during the ups and downs of the first few years of being broke. I think once I was able to prove myself in such a significant way, no one could deny I needed my ADHD medication to function. Like you, I was put on anti depressants that never cured my depression. Patricia Quinn said something to the effect of.....if you have untreated ADHD and you are not depressed because your life sucks, that would be a serious cause of concern. Treat the ADHD and the situational life issues will eventually improve because you’re able to function better and the depression usually gets better, unless there truly is clinical depression along with the ADHD that might need to be treated as well. I’m 35 now and everyone close to me knows I take stimulants and I don’t feel judged at all. It’s funny because even my clients can tell if I haven’t taken my medication for some reason on a particular day, and they get it....I’m less motivated, less productive, I avoid phone calls, etc so they all encourage me to not be ashamed of my medications. Good luck and I’m sure you will get to a similar place at some point and you will have the support you need if you continue to look for it

I don't know what it's like to be diagnosed as an adult, I was when I was 6, but I do know the struggle of wether to tell people about having ADHD or not. I'm a freshman in college and I've always had trouble making new friends. I was sometimes nervous to tell people that I had ADHD because I didn't want to use it as an excuse for my behavior. When I did start telling people about it though, I was surprised that many of my friends, old and new, responded by revealing that they had it as well. And as for the stigmatism around ADHD, it needs to change, and change doesn't happen when people hide.

Wow! I was diagnosed at 22. Let me tell you, I too had a very similar experience, except for the marriage and baby. I was working as a dental assistant I had great boyfriend, perfect man everything i wanted trying to go to college for my prerequisites so I could apply for dental hygiene. I had to keep dropping my classes because I couldn’t keep up and my boss told me I know your hard of hearing so I’m not sure but it’s like you either don’t hear me or you’re not listening to me. I broke down. PS also, by the time I was an adult my confidence and low self esteem began because my whole life my mom was always telling me I’m wrong stupid what’s the matter with you you can’t do anything right. I hated her for that and want to prove her wrong but when I became an adult I not realizing at the time in order to succeed I had friends mentors people in my life who I would go to and ask what I should do. Basically I learned how to not think for myself because I thought everything I did was wrong and I wanted to succeed. When my doctor diagnosed me at 22 I had no idea what add was and I had to make a second appointment to bring my mom in with me so he could explain to her. Internet wasn’t really used back then and like I said I didn’t know what add was. When we left the office and I was in the car I cried and yelled at my mom saying you better not tell anyone about this. I think I thought that I was retarded/handicap and I didn’t want anyone knowing I was stupid.

I’m 37 now. I’ve been though a lot of growing up and self realization the past 10 years or more. One thing that upsets me is when I was diagnosed, my doctor should have had me go to a therapist who is add educated. My add all my life undiagnosed and untreated caused me to have other issues. I thought therapist were for crazy people. My family are not the most emotional supportive people in the world and we do talk about feelings or weaknesses. Never about mental illness. This last year I’ve been working with a therapist and a psychiatrist who understands my conditions and is treating me and educating me. Plus the internet has more information about it.

Sorry for my blabbing, i was in the closet about me add for a long time and I am finally getting support and this site helps me open up and speak and share something about me I struggle and still struggle with. But I’m getting better and better

I’ll be quite honest. I was re-diagnosed a couple of months ago as an adult (after a diagnosis as a child).

I was put on Vyvanse where I started at 20mg and increased the dose to 60mg over the period of a week. I have a wife and two little boys. We are expecting a little girl in August. Things seemed to go well for the first week, the Vyvanse was causing a slight mania/euphoria but it felt good and was even causing me to contact a few friends and family members that I had not talked to in a while.

I was also able to be much more patient with my kids. I described it as a noise filter for my brain. It was turning down the constant chatter that was going on all the time. But after about 2 weeks on the 60mg, things started going really wrong. I started getting insomnia, saying really weird things in front of people, talking to people for long periods of time without taking their cues on when to end the conversation. It’s almost as if it had become less socially aware than I was before.

At home I was getting stressed out over school (I’m on a doctoral program currently) and was getting super hyper focused on midterms and homework to the point where I was locking myself in my office all day and night and my poor pregnant wife was stuck doing everything else. If that wasn’t bad enough, I ended up having these crazy forceful ruminations that would cause me to stare at the wall for 20 minutes at a time before I’d realize what happened.... I believe I was on waaaayyy too high a dose of this stuff.

Anyways, I’m off the stuff right now so I’m back to being anxious and impatient with my kids. I did like the feeling at first but man that’s some dangerous stuff. I think I’m gojng to give it a try again in a week, maybe 40mg this time.

Oh and about telling people, I guess I have this impecccable ability to not filter or give a shit who I say stuff to so I guess everyone in my office knows about the diagnosis. Lol. Oh well. I just figured that was part of my impulsiveness.

I never took more than 40mg of Vyvanse and my psych told me my ADHD was "off the charts." Look up videos from Dr Barkley about medication - it's often better to take a combination of medications to control certain symptoms, each at lower doses, than the stimulant alone at a high dose. From what I read, many many people have to try multiple combinations and different doeses to find the right combination for them. Untreated ADHD or ADD will only get worse and create havoc in your life. It's worth the struggle to find the right combination.

I received some wisdom in my 20s (I’m in my late 40s now) that I’ll pass on to you in the hopes you find it as helpful as I did.

You are an adult now. You don’t have to tell your parents anything. It’s time to let that go.

This was a very freeing thing to hear from a counselor, who happened to be the same age as my parents. The desire to reveal to confess to your parents is you still viewing yourself as a child. If you want them to view you like an adult, you need to behave like one.

Now in my late 40s and with teenagers myself, one on the cusp of adulthood I have tried them make her understand that while I am here for her and open to listen to whatever she wants to share with me, I also don’t “need” to know everything. I’ve put a lot of thought into this and dig deep to remember my younger self. What I would have wanted was my parents not to sit in judgement of me or hold a stupid decision against me so I try to do the same for them. I also am pretty transparent with my own mistakes so they can see that making poor decisions is part of living and learning. The only “stupidity” involved is to not learn anything from the mistake and to not work to improve and not make it again.

At my age, I have lived long enough that I don’t give neither a fig nor a f**k what other people think of me. As far as ADHD is concerned I am careful who knows about it in the work environment only because it’s work. You should always be careful of what you share with coworker. Their loyalty is not to you, it’s to keeping themselves employed (just as yours should be). It’s work, not your therapists office.

Family-wise my parents know because I told them more as a funny anecdote than anything else. I don’t view ADHD as shameful - nor is my anxiety or my panic attacks. They’re merely ingredients in the recipe of me.

I work pretty hard to de-stigmatize mental health just as a personal mission. My major in college was accounting but my minor was psychology and I chose that study for my minor from my personal interest and fascination with personality, development and the mind. It is a hope of mine that too n my lifetime we can discuss mental health as freely as we can discuss heart disease or diabetes and no person feels ashamed. After all, don’t we all possess -at the most -one degree of separation from mental health issues. Who amount any of us doesn’t at least have a close relative who has suffered, if not also ourselves. It’s itterly ridiculous to consider mental health anything other than a medical issue. To label it like it’s a character flaw is at best thoughtless and at worst, downright criminal. The way to help it is to rip the bandaid off and shine some light on it.

Anyway, off my soapbox. Work hard to shake off the stigma. Remind yourself daily you have nothing to be stigmatized for. If you had heart disease or acid reflux, should you be stigmatized for that? Of course not. Refuse to be stigmatized for this. You needn’t run down the street holding an “I’m proud of my ADHD” flag but you have nothing to hide from family and friends who are supportive - key word there. For those not supportive, I’d confine conversation to topics like the weather and have you read any good books lately. Folks who are unsupportive are likely to remain so and are always looking to light their bonfire of nastiness. Don’t be their fuel and don’t give them kindling. But for those who are supportive (again, not at work!) share with them. Often you’ll find they themselves also suffer or know someone who does. Then you’ll feel far less alone.

Wow! I'm at a loss for words! Each and everyone of you said something that really hit home for me.