Is there anyone out there like me?

[Tormented555]

Is there anyone out there like me ? Anyone who has nothing but a blank spot when it comes to remembering where you put things? Are you constantly tormented around the clock by this? Is it like this - Ok, I want to go somewhere, where are my car keys? I don't know, but here's my phone - ok, found the car keys - now where's my phone? Ok, got both phone and car keys, now where's my wallet? - etc.. do you feel completely useless when it comes to certain things, as simple as getting healthcare? Do you have the feeling you sometimes can't do anything, there are certain things you just can't get around to, ever? If so, what did you do?

[Prussic]

Hey there Tormented555. I hear you. I have the same problem and I’m so sorry for the pain it causes you.

I looked for an hour once for me keys. . . they were in my pocket. I’ve lost or left more items than you could shake a stick at. I’ve forgotten events, dates, essential work equipment, lied about all of that then forgot the lie I told, got caught, got ashamed wash rinse repeat.

How I deal with it? On good days just try to take a deep breath. On bad days descend into a nasty storm of shame, self hatred, and apathy.

I’ve had two pretty good methods of remembering things out the door: a note stuck to my front door with a magnet reminding me to take wallet, keys, phone, bullet journal, lunch. I feel stupid needing it but it feel much worse when I forget those things. The other is to have a spot on a shelf by the door where all the stuff I need the next day goes.

The forgetting/losing things is the most shameful aspect of my ADHD aside from the work/financial problems and those two cause the most pain. Therapy helps.

[Mamamichl]

Both me and my partner have ADHD, but my partner does this more than me. He has learned to try and empty his pockets into a tray next to the front door so its in "its home". Also, we went with apple phones in part because of the "find my" app. We can use the computer or another phone to find our phone. Another thing we tried was air tags. Basically for keys (and wallet), you can have a keychain thing or a thing like another credit card, and when you can't find it, you can have in ping, which sends a loud noise for you to find the item.

Hope this helps. Zen hugs!

[BLC89]

Hello Tormented555,

I'm sorry this is such a constant frustration for you, that is rough. Mamamichl's suggestions are great - tag everything!

As best you can slow down with a deep breath. You probably remember where stuff is but because you need it NOW! you are too stressed to access the information. I know that is challenging in the moment but even it works some of the time that can help.

Let it be ok that you need reminders or notes. There is no shame in that. Your brain is good at other things why do you have to be good at remembering where you put stuff? Einstein didn't know his own phone number because he could just look it up in the phone book - he was good at other stuff.

Having a place to put things is hugely helpful. Put things there as you find them the night before or as you enter the house. You will get into muscle memory and just put the keys in the basket out of habit after a short while. "Find my phone" is available on non Apple too and will have your phone make noise, or if you have a smart watch that can do it too.

This "little" stuff is a great thing to focus on and create supports for - notes, baskets, air tags - because it has a huge impact on your mental health and life in general. You deserve to be able to find your stuff in a timely manner. You can create the environment that supports that. Take your time and be as kind to yourself as possible as you learn this new skill.

It doesn't matter what the skill is if it is new to you it is going to be a challenge. It doesn't matter that this new skill is something others have mastered, that has no bearing on anything. Let it be ok that the seemingly "easy" stuff is a challenge for you because you likely have talents others can't believe you think are easy. It is all perspective. Let it be ok to get and have support.

Hope some of that helps,

BLC89