Does anyone else feel like they fail in Adulting?

[ProfessorSquirrel]

Anyone feel like you fail at Adulting? Especially when it comes mom/wife duties around the house like organizing and making dinners at home?

[Lovinit]

I’m not a wife or a mom right now but I do have a mom and she never cooked, I can’t cook. You may feel like a failure right now but please stop being so mean to yourself. (I’ve had to work on this for many years, once I discovered what I was doing. Deep down I know I love myself and when I was paying attention to my thoughts and I heard myself say something to me that was so hurtful so mean, I cryed so hard that day and I never forget it.)

You care if you didn’t you wouldn’t be here so my advice to you is you got to find something that will work good for you. My mom example kept the house supplied with some staple food I like never got sick of them and so if I was hungry I made myself something to eat bagel sandwich. Breakfast bagel sandwich my parents Italian New York City people they like the bagels and deli meats and cheeses always the good quality stuff. And then we’d go out about once week as a family for dinner. Now that I’m an adult and take care of myself I found what works well for me is green chef or blue apron another fun one when you want to switch things up is Who made meals packaged and ready to microwave. I love it! I can’t afford right know to buy meals for three times a day 7 days a week but I can’t what I can and if really help me out. I’m not a picky eater at all so I let them choose the meals for me and deliverd to your front door a box of nutritious deliciousness

[Lovinit]

And the organizing i was terrible but it became my hobby once I had a home to call my own and I was always learning and trying things out and I even met someone who has a business called rearrange I think. She came over with all her supplies and rearranged organized my office, landury and kitchen. That was a awesome day

[Cleolane in reply to Lovinit]

Hello,

Thanks for sharing. Can provide more information on the "Rearrange" organization? In which state is it and does anyone know of something similar in the Boston area.

Thanks

[Lovinit in reply to Cleolane]

I would look up home organizer in your area and see what comes up. Also search home organizer on Facebook

[Lovinit in reply to Cleolane]

Also if you have meetup.com that’s where I found my adhd coach

[Dusteee]

I do feel that I fail at Adulting all the time...and I'm almost 60! Regular everyday tasks just seem to be a struggle for me...I'm very good at my job but it is the normal stuff of life that gets to me.

[CantDecide in reply to Dusteee]

Hi Dustee, thanks for sharing. Your post really hit home with me. I'm almost 60 and have always been able to focus at work, but not at home! I don't understand it & neither does anyone esle I've talked to. Unfortunately I got laid off from FT job 3 years ago and have been struggling ever since.

[Lovinit in reply to Dusteee]

What do you do at your job?

[CantDecide in reply to Lovinit]

Graphic Design and Production. Good things for me to hyper-focus on but only under an external paying deadline

What do you do?

[ParachuteJazzlady in reply to CantDecide]

I am with you two! Can organize and stay focused at work just fine but NOT at home.

And I KNOW WHY!

Work is structured; has time constraints; dead lines that MUST be meet so we can get paid. On top of it my work area is a smaller space to organize and redefine at anytime. It’s specialized. Typically interesting and fun to do.

Recently I applied for a new job. Jumped through the first three hoops. Went to the fourth hoop.. face to face interview and didn’t get the job. THANK GOD!!

Found our the job was an FT at HOME and would require me to set up my own home office, create my own schedule, set my own schedule and all the stuff. It scared me silly!

[Hidden]

Absolutely!! Unfortunately I was served divorce papers because my husband “can’t deal with it anymore”.

[Emready in reply to Hidden]

Now yoy can focus on all the things you feel the need to and less of what someone else feels you need to. My husband and I are doing well but we still struggle with this. We see things differently and I have to do things in a certain order or I often give up and he doesn't understand why I can't just do it his way. Are yoy medicating or seeing a therapist for the ADD?

[CantDecide in reply to Emready]

I so agree with you Em.

Squirrel, I'm sorry this is happening to you however I wouldn't want you to spend the rest of your life trying to explain yourself to another human being! These are words of experience.

[Artdiva]

It’s a good day when I don’t feel like a failure!

[Inarticulate]

I used to. Until I realised that I needed an enforced structure to make things work. The kids were priority and getting them to school etc was non-negotiable so it worked well to set my day off. All their evening stuff set up a non-negotiable routine too.

Then I kondo’d our house. (Seriously - about 4/5 years ago) Got rid of so much stuff (gave myself permission to get rid) and everything was only in one place. Less crap to stress me out.

For everything else, I just accept that I’m pretty good at other things and not others such as household duties. I also put rotas in place to remind myself what to do - can’t remember anything. Use 5 min timers. Not to start, just to rush to squeeze it in - cleaning, washing, emptying dryer etc. But also accepting that if you don’t do it, it’s ok. Just do it next time when Rota’d in or not at all. Now I don’t stress over it.

[Lovinit]

I feel like I’m failing big time. Only adult thing I’m proud of is I’ve been on my own since I was 27 and I bought my first house a couple years ago. Don’t have the job or income I had now I have two roommates just to make ends meet. My job I’m not full filling and there isn’t any room to grow or get a raise. I have only a high school diploma and I didn’t learn anything in school. I’m not good at reading or writing and I’ve spent most all of my adult life so fare on trying to heal from emotional pain and understand myself better

[ADHme]

Yes. I was just thinking about this today. I don't know how I'm supposed to do it all. I am constantly overwhelmed and I'm flailing. I feel like I'm trying to climb my way out a pool of quicksand, but I'm not even sure what to grab on to and my grip is weak. I'm losing my grasp.

I'm currently unemployed and have been job searching for the better part of a year. My home is a wreck, I can only remember to pay bills because I set them up on autopay. I just feel like hiding under a rock most of the time. I'm in constant overwhelm, and I'm not doing well. I'm not sure that helped anyone (me included), but I'm going to act brave(?) and post this reply instead of deleting the whole block of text.

[LoveDogs71]

Sure do. I get overloaded with too much stimuli that I stay home in bed sometimes. It usually happens at the end or beginning of the month. I still struggle with finishing tasks day by day but I know sooner or later it will get done. I try to take each task like baby steps.

I sometimes do cook and I'm lucky that my partner cooks everyday.

[AniSk]

Absolutely although I’ve definitely learned over the years to be less hard on myself. I can acknowledge right now that I’m not actually failing but it definitely feels like I’m pulling in a C average when most of my friends are getting As and Bs.

[Aviarie in reply to AniSk]

Exactly my child was summa cum laude in Highschool with good meds but in College a C+ average is NICE To have at least

[shl1234]

Absolutely!

[GormlaithKall]

YESSSSSSSSS. I am not yet a mom, but I have a desire to be. BUT I constantly feel like I can’t take care of myself let alone cook for my husband or remember to feed our dogs… how am I supposed to throw a baby into that mix? But as I have seen in some posts we do have to give ourselves some grace as we can be our harshest critics.

Right now my husband and I are taking a step at a time together. I have talked to my therapist a lot about what I have believed my “role” as a wife to be and how I feel I am not meeting those requirements (mostly unrealistic ones I have set for myself and not that my husband thought I should do or what we decided together). Because of this I have really been trying to frame my relationship together with him as partners and thinking from there where I can do an extra task to help him when I can and he can do the same for me. We split all home tasks (We do both work out of the home and both have struggles with motivation, initiating tasks, etc.) with certain ones being priority right now as I try to find a schedule that will work for me to get a bit of stuff done each day to keep the status quo.

I have been working with an ADHD coach and my therapist to do this slowly, its a lot of working through what executive skills I need to strengthen. The biggest thing I have held on to so far from working with them is that we are NOT consistent beings. But what we can be is persistent and continue to try. If you can only do 1 set of laundry today, that’s ok you did one set of laundry. The small steps are hard as I am a big picture kinda gal, but when I stay small, I accomplish a lot more especially when I reward myself for doing even the little things!

[mbpf]

and more

[Monilawrence]

we all do!