Post ADHD Diagnosis Struggles

[My_ADHD_Journey]

Hello!

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD at 23 and am struggling with accepting my diagnosis and am looking for guidance/advice.

Before I explain, here's some background:

I spent years with the misdiagnosis of Major Anxiety. I saw a therapist and began taking medication freshman year of undergrad. After awhile, I stopped meds and therapy because "I was fine". But after finishing my Master's Degree and getting a full-time job, I was in the worst mental health of my life. Struggling to keep up, to be happy, and to stop the incessant critical self talk, I began seeing a new therapist. After a continued decrease in my mental health, she recommended I see a psychiatrist for medication.

After a psych eval, the psychiatrist said, "This might sound crazy to you, but I think you have ADHD." "No," I replied. "There's no way I have ADHD." The only concept I had of ADHD was my hyperactive brother with severe ADHD and I did not see that in me. She had me answer more questions and still saw inattentive ADHD and prescribed medication. I still did not believe it. I then saw another psychiatrist for a full evaluation. Again, another test with positive indicators of ADHD.

That's where I am today. Taking 30 mg of Adderall XR a day and seeing a therapist bi-weekly. Both of which have helped, but I continue to struggle accepting the diagnosis. Personal accounts I've read describe post diagnosis feelings of relief. I feel sad, confused, and honestly still skeptical. ADHD symptoms I struggle with such as poor organization, time management, cleanliness, memory, prioritizing tasks, etc. I thought were a product of my age. I thought one day I would finally get it together. I thought once I worked a good job, received my degrees, etc., I would be happy. The ADHD diagnosis felt like I lost that hope. The thought that I might always feel "one step behind" is one I can't get past.

I've spent many hours researching ADHD and resonate with the symptoms, but still cannot accept it. How did you come to terms with ADHD diagnosis? If you got it as an adult like I did, how did you conceptualize this new part of your identity?

I really appreciate any help and thank you in advance.

[Emready]

I have to say the small improvements which gave way to larger improvements is what really helped me be like, "okay, fine. I have ADHD. I'm on a roll and feeling better on my new path. It's no one else's business unless I choose to share it with them." The other think that helped was I became involved with a kids team because my child was on the team. The coach who was a well respected person in his profession and now travels internationally for his company told ne something that made sense to me and really I inspired me to continue trying to succeed because frankly I had given up. He said that the kids he had on his team that had ADHD were often the most creative and extremely productive when they were able to focus in on something. He said he wished more adults would try to stop suppressing them or at least give them the chance to let ADHD to the wonderful creative things that it can do. I think ADHD is the thing that really allows me to thibk out side of the box. Check out some ADHD success stories for aome motivation maybe.

[Emready in reply to Emready]

The energy that ADHD often adds to your life can be bridled and guided into a positive experience and outcome. Thata one of the things the coach I worked with really harped on.

[IcyBlue in reply to Emready]

Hi! I’m not sure if the energy that ADHD people have is for the hyperactive type of ADHD? My son has inattentive type, I feel that he is not that energetic. Not sure, if it’s due to his ADHD condition or other health conditions

[Kellypeters]

I was also diagnosed as an adult and had very similar feelings. Apparently, it is not uncommon for people to grieve and it can take up to three years to process it. It didn't take me that long but it did take about a year. I felt really shaken up and confused and sad. I felt sad for that little girl I once was and how hard life was for her. I felt annoyed that I was only figuring this out as an adult and wished I could go back in time. I felt like the thought that something was wrong with me was now actually true and I didn't like that at all. I doubted I had it at all. Then very slowly as the medication started to make a significant difference in my life and I began to look forward more rather than back I began to feel better. Being diagnosed was really nothing but a good thing so I didn't understand why I felt so bad about it. Be kind to yourself! Give yourself time. You have been through a lot. You have made assumptions about yourself that are wrong and need to change but that takes time. You have negative self-thoughts and patterns of behaviour that will begin to change. Give yourself the room to grieve and process. It's normal. I felt like I never really knew myself and I had to learn who I was all over again with a new ADHD identity. It seemed like all my personality traits were just symptoms!! In the end, your diagnose will be a great thing and give you a new start in life. You just need some time to change the way you think about yourself. I am slowly becoming brave enough to tell a few people and not feel ashamed. Its hard but it will get better. Look at all you have achieved with undiagnosed ADHD!! You are amazing! It must have been so hard for you. Harder than you or anyone even knew. You can do this!

[Spruced]

First, I want to say that you can still get it together.

I wasn't diagnosed with (inattentive) ADHD until a year ago at the age of 37. I never suspected that I had ADHD or anything like it. But my life was kind of falling apart at the professional level at the time. I got let go from work two months after my diagnosis. I worked at a consultancy firm, and it was like being a member of some weird perfectionists' club. I felt like I was getting left in the dust more and more by my coworkers, who seemed to slog through the details and the tedium at breakneck speed. So when I got the diagnosis, I felt relieved because I had a new framework to address some of my most pressing problems. Having the benefit of being almost 40 when I got my diagnosis, I did not feel like I was being handed a new part of myself that I had no choice but to integrate. I had an explanation for something I've felt more and more the older I get.

But I'm 38 and these issues have been increasing ever since I became an adult who was living on my own. When I was 23, I felt like I was still creating myself, still taking pure potential and turning into my true self. If I had had a behavioral health diagnosis introduced within that framework, it would have been devastating for me, and I empathize with what I imagine you're feeling. So I don't imagine that what worked for me will provide a lot of guideposts.

But, it sounds like you have health care resources. Perhaps you would benefit from ADHD coaching rather than therapy? Sometimes we just aren't ready to accept something. Therapy might help us to emotionally process a little faster, but it sounds like what would help you the most right now are concrete steps that you can take to better operate within your own head space... Ways to modify your systems to align with your desired outcomes. Also, I would urge you to consider whether your work is well suited for you. Mine was not suited for me and was a major contributor to my anxiety. I still do the same work, but I'm at a nonprofit now. The pace is far more suited to my needs. The people are earnest instead of perfect. I don't get talked down when I make a mistake. It is so much easier to modify my systems and behavior here. It's been key in not feeling like everyone is a step ahead of me.

[happy_kitty]

I was diagnosed young, but for a long time I also had that feeling like I'll never be normal, but at the same time I've also had that thought that goes "It will be easier when..." or "I'll be happier when..." and sometimes it happens [making friends did get easier when I went to college] but sometimes it doesn't [time management, if anything, has gotten harder]. So not all hope is lost, and you are definitely not alone.

On another note, my doctor recently told me that I probably have some sort of anxiety disorder [not diagnosed or anything, just a suspicion] and at first I was like "No way! I'm fine!" but as time went on I started to realize that she might be right. I noticed things that I had previously blamed on my ADHD. Things like: stuttering and breaking a sweat [even with a friend who come and stood next to me] when I finally racked up the nerve to bring my broken computer to I.T. after several months, which I've done before [I even know one of them personally]. And as I noticed these things I was tempted to just accept defeat and use it as an excuse, but instead I decided to see as a revelation. It's like learning the name of a person you've known your whole life, like you can finally see the monster you've always been fighting.

Well I hope that helps, I don't usually reply to posts that already have a bunch of comments but I just wanted to share my story with you.

[ADHDGuiltFree123]

Hello! I can relate to your journey all too well. It took me 12 years to finally stop feeling guilty and ashamed of the “gift” God has blessed with me. ADHD is a gift from God and no matter how you were diagnosed; Just know that your ADHD is special to you. What I’ve learned is that the moment you fully accept and embrace your individuality and authenticity in how your ADHD is working for you, then you’ll begin to understand how you operate. ADHDers have the power to do anything if we set our minds to it! I would suggest that you educate yourself as much as you can about the type of ADHD you have. For me, I’m a combination type (inattentive & hyperactive). As a woman, this has revealed itself in so many ways however once I stopped trying to “be normal” and just be myself, I began to see who I was created to be. I’m a work in progress and I’m no longer bound in trying to “fit in” or “hide” who I am.

My prayers are with you as you continue toward your journey of self discovery.