Identity, purpose, meaning?

[SusieBeifuss]

Hi, It's hard to believe at 77, I seem to be more unable to function.

[BlessedLady]

It is important to remember that the side effects of many medications often make ADHD symptoms worse. In addition, due to health concerns many doctors are hesitant or refuse to prescribe stimulants to seniors. There are other medications for ADHD that may or may not work as well.

[BLC89]

Hello SusieBeifuss,I am guessing you have an idea of what life is supposed to be at 77 and if you're struggling with ADHD there can be a big disconnect.

Your message is short so I am making assumptions:

More unable to function or not functioning as you are expected to?

If you were raised undiagnosed you likely have a TON if messaging in your mind about what you are supposed to do and how you are supposed to behave.

You have the double whammy of ADHD and being female (assuming Susie) coming of age in the 50s & 60s. It was a massive shift from Leave it to Beaver to love children and women's rights.

We went from having one main job - household management- to having all the jobs - house, kids, career, aging parents - and do it all work a smile.

You may be at the point where you "not functioning" is actually you doing what feels right to you, or what truly feeds your soul.

Like I said, a lot of assumptions, please tell me where I'm wrong.

Be as kind to yourself as you can, as you sift thru ideas that, although long-held, may be false and how that rocks your foundation.

You have survived a lot, you are clever, you will figure this out too.

BLC89

[arepa]

Susie, if you'd like to, please let us know more about how you feel.

I think of the idea of functioning as something attached to social expectations and shame - as in, when we're younger, we feel we don't function well because we are told so all the time. We're not studying as much as others, doing enough for career progress, meeting deadlines, and other milestones established by the outside world.

I'm wondering what challenges you are facing right now to make you feel this way, if you'd like to elaborate. For instance: if it's more related to family, social, financial, personal organisation, career etc.; if it stems from external or internalised pressure; and what are the actual consequences of not functioning as expected in these areas.

It might be wishful thinking, but I'm expecting not to necessarily improve as I get older, but hopefully to feel less social pressure to meet such expectations and be able to embrace my characteristics in a lighter way.

Aging also comes with its own cognitive challenges that overlap with ADHD symptoms. So please be kind to yourself. Therapy might help release the guilt of 'not being how you were supposed to' as much as possible. Volunteering and helping others could also help recover some self-esteem and sense of purpose, seeing how much you can do to others just by being yourself. And then ask for help in the areas that are needed for your wellbeing (not for the expectation of others). Obviously this is easier said than done, but know you're not alone.

[wtfadhd]

Hello Susie

Its not hard to believe at all. When considering the 5 stages of life n what the challenges are, it seems consistent that you are questioning identity, purpose and meaning.❤️

check this out:

Stage 8: Integrity vs. Despair

The final psychosocial stage occurs during old age and is focused on reflecting back on life.2 At this point in development, people look back on the events of their lives and determine if they are happy with the life that they lived or if they regret the things they did or didn't do.

Success at this stage leads to feelings of wisdom, while failure results in regret, bitterness, and despair.

At this stage, people reflect back on the events of their lives and take stock. Those who look back on a life they feel was well-lived will feel satisfied and ready to face the end of their lives with a sense of peace. Those who look back and only feel regret will instead feel fearful that their lives will end without accomplishing the things they feel they should have.​

Outcomes

Those who are unsuccessful during this stage will feel that their life has been wasted and may experience many regrets. The person will be left with feelings of bitterness and despair.

Those who feel proud of their accomplishments will feel a sense of integrity. Successfully completing this phase means looking back with few regrets and a general feeling of satisfaction. These individuals will attain wisdom, even when confronting death.

i cut n pasted that

[Amiwrong in reply to wtfadhd]

Oh no! I’m 50 and feel like I’ve wasted my life. Been trying to change that for years, but still no further ahead. Wish I could just take chances, or stop forgetting that life is so short (I legit keep forgetting but wish I didn’t because maybe that thinking will light a fire under me or something).

[Amiwrong]

I love how everyone is jumping on this post. These replies are so thoughtful.

SusieBeifuss I don’t know what to offer, but I hope that some of the things people have said helps you 🤗