Am i looking for someone to save me or does it make sense to seek help when i already know some of the things i should be doing to help myself?
example:
you have adhd you’re given advice on what to do and you don’t do it. You know what to do why you need help and what to do - what is a therapist going to do for you? if you know what to do but you don’t do it.
Yes I can relate. I know that one of the most effective things I can do is to write a list every morning and look to prioritise and keep going back to it. But it also reinforces that I am not good at keeping on top of things which annoys me so I don't do it often.
Being late diagnosed now I have an idea why I am as I am I feel more OK with my shortcomings or in fact accepting that I am programmed differently. When you accept how you are it makes it easier and you feel better on your successful days.
i’m accepting but when you feel alone and you are being told constantly how much of a failure you are…the victimhood and all the crap that comes with it creates an ugly person.
i’m learning to take responsibility for what i do but when i make those errors back to back and i fail the pain feels equal to having birth. the deep pain in my heart and the weight just becomes extremely heavy.
You might not believe me but I tell you, you are not alone. You feel unique in your pain and suffering, and guess what- you are unique in that, because nobody goes through exactly the same life. But you are also not unique in the fact that we know exactly how painful it can be, and how you get minimized every day for being you, and how when you go to a "loved one" for help, you won't get it, and a bunch of other related ADHD crap. I'm not saying ADHD is crap, on the contrary it's just that you never catch a break from this diagnosis. That is unfair! (... I hate it when people say "life is unfair" as an answer to that, btw. How is that suppose to help? ). I say it's unfair anyway, to people who are truly unique in this world of so-called "normals". Anyway, keep trying. I might be a stranger to you, but I have enormous empathy for you my dear. I don't know what it's like to be you, but I know what it's like.
You feel bad about yourself. You are accepting, or trying to, but you would rather be accepted by people who are important to you. You're right, dealing with all this does create an ugly person. You're taking responsibility but every time you make errors that just makes your responsibility so much more, add one more brick to the pile of reasons you have to feel bad about yourself. This is not your fault! You didn't ask for this. Yes, you can get some control, and a new way of seeing things, and it can be better but keep in mind... I can't change the color of my skin, I can't change my height from 5'4" to a more desirable 5'8" or so... see where I'm going with this? And btw, this diagnosis does not have to define you, and... your people need to be more loving and kind to you.
i feel like i’m at the point of doing things by instinct. i’m in such a panic state that i’m just trying to hold it together to make it to tomorrow. everyday i default right back to stupid. i go to sleep late due to arguments and begging. wake up by 6:30/7am everyday and i literally feel hung over. i’m disoriented with the day of the week and what i need to do.
i spend some weeks doing ok…but when i down im DOWN. recently i have been questioning if my diagnosis is just adhd (i was diagnosed by a psychiatrist) .
i have listened to so many podcasts about peoples experience with adhd but its almost like i have forgotten their experiences and i feel like if people only knew they would really just condemn me and shame me.
Oh no. You are right. You don't just have ADHD. ADHD comes with a package of dysfunctional thinking for most of us. You're probably going to have depression just because all your attempts at "normal" seem to fail. No you can't regulate your executive function all by yourself right now, especially if you aren't receptive or if you believe that things can't be different. It is depressing to know every time you plan it out in your head, poof... and right back to square one. You aren't stupid, and neither am I. But the world wants to keep you down, because the world only sees that you don't play ball like everyone else does. Screw them. Fight for your self. Learn everything you can, over & over again. It's worth doing.
A therapist can help you develop strategies to avoid the "don't do it". They'll get to the root of why you don't, help you understand the decisions you make better, things like that. Just like anything else though, if you don't take it seriously and actively do the things your therapists suggest you do, it'll ultimately be unhelpful.
For me it also allows me to feel like I'm not the only one carrying the burden. Being able to pour my heart out to the therapist makes me feel less alone with the burden. Someone who is not all wrapped up in my struggle might have clarity on things that I don't.
sounds like you need an accountability partner or possibly a body double. Someone to check in and do the same with you or a person to just check in regularly. We do well under pressure and it really does help.
This is the very nature of ADHD - translating what you know or realize into motivation. It appears like procrastination or sloth to people who do not deal with ADHD, but it is a biochemical deficit in the brain networks that spur action and choose what to do, what to pay attention to and what to prioritize
Yes, you really should seek a therapist. A therapist can act as an accountability person AND to give you strategies and tweak strategies that you are using. A therapist can also help with non-ADHD issues.
I think I know what you are going through, because I used to feel that way all the time. Now I actually am able to do the recommended things, also the things I know that I need to do regardless. It actually sounds more like you are dealing with the depression that often comes with the ADHD package. I've been dealing with this ADHD crap for 60+ years. I've been affected by the lack of understanding that people have, the shame, the whole 9 yards. I used to say "what can a therapist do for me anyway". Well in my experience to find answers and I got so sick and tired of nothing working, I tried but I had very bad luck with psych dr's and therapists. I went without therapy and got worse. Then after waiting too long I went back to searching. I found a therapist online who didn't do much for me except take me seriously. Turns out that was enough for me to keep trying so he actually did help a lot. My psychiatrists, and psychologists with all the fancy degrees, the ones who could prescribe, and who also "counseled" me were a dismal bust. I got the best information from online youtube sites like Dr Ramani, Kyle Kittleson and others on MedCircle. These guys tell you what the deal is. You might get inspired. You don't have to be doomed to keep repeating stuff you don't want to do. It's not just about doing the things recommended, it's that you have to start looking at things differently and that's where help is needed, because it's really HARD to get yourself to do it. Check out those videos if you want. All the best to you.
Thank you for the youtube suggestions!
I can relate, that's sort of where I'm at. Why try anything, when nothing works? Advice to me feels like telling a fish to just use its legs. It doesn't work. I probably shouldn't answer anybody, because I don't know anything and all I'll do is probably just make you more depressed, but I just wanted to tell you that I can relate
That is a good way to describe it. Tell a fish to just use it's legs. I get it. Often I feel like I'm supposed to throw myself back into the 3D printer of life and get re-made, more in conformity to the other fish I swim with. Listen, I tell myself the same thing, that I will just leave everyone depressed or uncomfortable if I reply or respond. I totally get the mindset, and it always seems to make sense at the time. Sorry I took so long to reply, I always appreciate feedback here. This seems to be the only platform that I feel comfortable sharing, actually.
Nerves about ADHD assessment next week
Late diagnosis
