Feeling like a failure

[Livin_ADD]

Hi There! I'm new here. I've always found it hard to share my story with other people as I've found most people I know can't relate. I found out in my early 20s that I had ADD when my son was diagnosed with ADHD. I went on medication but was not able to find just the right mix and so i stopped taking it. I'm now in my late 40's and I find I suffer from anxiety and mild depression too. When I found out I had ADD I was working in a job that i loved but I was getting bored and there was no job advancement. When I was let go from there I decided to go back to school to achieve my Associates Degree. I had a really hard time figuring out what degree I wanted to pursue. I went from Accounting to Business Administration to Teaching to English. I graduated with a general Associate in Arts degree and moved on to a four year university. I finally narrowed my degree choice down to English (I love to read!). At this point I decided I wanted to be an English teacher. I am not the best writer because of the ADD and I also have dyslexia or whatever they call it today. My job at the time had introduced me to graphic design and I fell in love with it. So, I switched my degree to Graphic design and Photography. I’ll say this, Graphic Design holds my attention like no other job ever has. The problem is I’ve been let go twice from different employers, once in 2008 during the Great Recession and now during COVID-19. I had many jobs in-between. I can admit that I have problems with not being able to process my thoughts fast enough to get my designs done quickly and I’ve been told that I need to develop a better eye. I believe these things are caused by my perceptual impairment and ADD so I’m not really sure how to fix them. Medicine always slowed me down further. At this point in my life I am struggling to advance in any career I’ve chosen so I’m not sure what to do next. I don’t think I want to be a designer anymore but I am still paying back student loans for myself and my son so going back to school is not an option for me. Also, I need to make a certain salary range in order to meet my bills. I’m so frustrated and I feel like I’ve failed at life. I feel like I’ve made all the wrong choices. I’d love to hear advice or to get resources or if someone has a related experience to share that would be great. Thank you for listening.

[Jjflash]

Hi there,I find it really sad that so many people are having the same issues as yourself.When I came on this site,I thought I'd be the only one to have these problems all from my ADHD.Initially,I was pleased in a weird way that I wasn't the only one.Now it's making me angry that there's so many decent people who have been damaged by this thing.People are being let down by medics who don't seem to know anywhere near enough about it.I really sympathize with you and I feel your complete frustration.Going from what yu said,I think you're coping better than most.You are not a failure ok.I think you're very brave taking on so many things when yu know that partaking in these things will add to all the issues associated with ADHD.Its pretty inspiring hearing you not allowing yourself to take a backward step in your future pursuits.I wish yu all the very best and good luck with everything.

[Livin_ADD in reply to Jjflash]

Thank you for your kind words. I have to say I do feel a bit beat up by everything. It seems I try and try and get nowhere. I am glad to hear that I am not alone but wish I had the answers to share with everyone.

[Karalin]

If you like graphic design, keep doing it. If you found calling don’t give up. My best friend is in school now to get her masters degree in a completely different field than her last job. She’s 50 and is changing her credentials from economics to psychology. Stick with what you love, and never give it up. Even if life throws you around a lot, you will always get back up and find a rainbow at the end of your storm. This is true always and forever. I know, I am delusional you might think. But it’s true. Things might seem hard, and you might want to throw in the towel. If you won’t do whatever it is you want for yourself, do it for your son, and show him that the sky’s the limit with adhd. It’s a good thing in many ways. May I point out that Albert Einstein and Isaac Newton had ADHD and if you ask me their not failures. You can either let your ADHD keep you down, or you can take advantage of it and soar. Don’t believe me, then at least read or watch videos about success stories of people with ADHD and the benefits of having ADHD before you make a final verdict. Teach your son to be proud of his condition and show him how all these geniuses had ADHD and how far they went in life. The sky is the limit. Just break the limits you set on yourself by believing that you can’t do anything because of your ADHD. Don’t use it as an excuse, use it as your fire.

From, a woman with ADHD who found a new and amazing outlook on life with ADHD

[Livin_ADD in reply to Karalin]

Thank you. Your words are very motivating. I have tried to show my son that the sky is the limit. He has thankfully found something he loves to do. He's a mechanic and it suits his need to keep busy and moving about but is also having trouble advancing. I have enjoyed doing graphic design but have felt that coworkers and employers have not thought that I was not good enough at it so now i feel like i should give it up. I don't want to get let go from another job when i'm in my 50s.

[Hidden]

Yeah, a lot of us have felt that way. So first, welcome to the tribe! You are in the right place. We are not failing at life, we are just living it FULLY. So now is the time to focus on how you want to show up in life. A guide would be helpful. Coaches can be very helpful, but aren't covered by insurance. Therapists can be very helpful as well, but make sure you find one trained in ADHD. Even if they aren't, they can help with depression and anxiety as a quick fix to get you back on track to make some important choices on your career. Is there any job that appeals to you that is related to what you've been doing so far, where you could bring your abilities?

[Livin_ADD in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, I'm glad to be in such good company! I see a therapist now but have to admit that she is not helping very much. Where do I look to find an ADHD specific therapist? I have thought about teaching either at a university or at a technical school. However, to do that I would need either a master's degree or a teaching certificate. I'm looking in the certificate now.

[Hidden in reply to Livin_ADD]

If getting covered by insurance is of primary importance, I suggest doing a search on your insurance providers website for ADHD and therapist. CBT and DBT are good therapeutic tools when coupled with ADHD awareness. If insurance isn't as big of a factor, you could look for an ADHD Coach. I am an ADHD Coach myself. You can find other Coaches through adhdcoaches.org, chadd.org, and add.org. Please of people have said that a coach got them moving forward in a way they had never experienced in therapy. But I will no denigrate traditional therapy - it works, its just that ADHD is a different animal altogether!

[Hidden]

Hi!, I am a very creative person. I work as a drafter for an engineering company which doesn't always hold my attention but I am able to focus about %90 of the time. I am also the creative arts coordinator for my church. So with all that said I take Clonidine, Desipramine, and Vyvanse. None of these keep me from being creative! Vyanse is my newest medication and I am loving it!

Clonidine for Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

Desipramine for anxiety

Vyvanse for all other ADHD symptoms

[Livin_ADD in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I have thought about trying medication again. Maybe it's time I'm sure medicines have changed in the past 20 years. I will look into it.

[mcfail]

So... I have read that the most successful people surround themselves with people that possess necessary skills that the "successful person" him/her self does not possess. Point is....you have a passion for Graphic design but some of your challenges result in weak areas. Me too!!! I always tried to hire/bond/associate with folks that had the skills I didn't have but lacked something that I DID have.... I brought MY skills to the table to help them and they did the same for/with me. For example... I am disorganized and forgetful (workin' on it every day) but I am creative and social....so I team up with a detail oriented, organized, analytical person who hates talking to groups and prefers direction over creativity. Together we are a pretty solid machine - and we BOTH get to do what we enjoy. Also I try to learn from him and help him open up just a tad. I have done this a dozen different ways over many years and retired last year as a VP with a major Canadian Bank - so it IS possible. Point is... YOU are not a failure, you have huge potential - didn't someone in this chat group say that ADHDers are creative often socially positive, adaptive people? Go do what you do best and partner to offset the soft spots...

[Livin_ADD]

Thank you for your kind words. That is very good advice. I'm so glad to hear that you had this successful relationship at work. It gives me hope. I will keep trying to make that connection myself. I feel beat up but I am not built to stop trying. So i continue...