Social Awkardness

[NotAChevy]

I’m back on this. I’ve noticed that during an interview, I don’t know what to do with my eyes. If I look directly at someone, I feel like I'm staring, but I can tell the interviewer gets a negative vibe when I don’t look directly into the camera, or at the interviewer. How long should I look directly at someone? Where should I look the rest of the time?

In social settings, I feel even worse. I still have questions about where to look, but I also have questions about what to do with my hands. I talk with my hands a lot and have been told it's very distracting. I've always done this and can't imagine stopping now- at 54 years old. I try to look natural, while still trying not to talk with my hands, but that never works. I end up looking like a robot, or some fool who doesn’t know what to do with his hands. What should I do?

I've noticed because of my ADHD its hard to concentrate during an interview- guess it's the stress thing, but I should know what I'm doing by now- ugh!!

Any and all thoughts welcome!!

[Lunachild_4]

Hi NotAChevy ,

I can totally relate with not knowing where to direct your eyes 👀. I feel like I’m the same even having conversations with my partner at home or family members and then I get totally paranoid I’m looking too intense as I’ve been that told before ! Maybe try to think that the people we are talking to feel the same to try take the pressure off . I Could say try not to overthink it but that’s what we do so I just try to accept that now . Don’t be to hard on yourself we are all human . Sorry if that’s wasn’t much help . Good luck 🤞

[Mamamichl in reply to Lunachild_4]

Maui ask how long you have been with your partner? If it’s been a while, have a straightforward conversation. My partner gave me a few ideas and said that it doesn’t bother him (however, he is half/legally blind). I find looking T things near them helps sometimes, but can also distract me from the conversation.

[Mamamichl]

I know exactly how you feel. Recently, I’ve seen a. Idea specifically about this with “adhd_love” on YouTube. I find for interviews, I do better in zoom meetings, since they can’t tell if I’m fixating on things they are doing or looking in the camera. I also don’t get distracted by a new environment as much. I actually request my interviews by zoom, which is more accommodating since Covid.

Ad for hand gestures, get a variety of fidgets. Find one you like and take it with you. People are more accepting (as long as they are quiet ones). If you can tell it’s still an issue, you can even keep one in your pocket..

[STEM_Dad]

For interviewing on camera, as long as you are looking at anywhere in the middle of the screen, it will appear the the interviewer that you are looking at them. Just don't look at the bottom or to the extreme sides • So, go ahead and let your eyes rove a little...take in the person's appearance, notice their attire, their haircut, their glasses (if they are wearing glasses).

• It's normal for interviewees to glance away occasionally as they are forming their responses.

For in-person interviews (or conversations or meetings), people can more easily tell where your eyes are going. The advice is to direct your eyes anywhere near theirs... between the bridge of their nose to either side beneath their eyes as the low point, to the furrow of their brow or eyebrows at the high point. (From a distance, looking anywhere in the vicinity of their head is good enough.)

• I often end up shifting my glance between each of their eyes. I have been practicing looking or people in the face for 30 years. I still overthink it sometimes, especially in an interview.

It's easier if you are interviewing with more than one person in this respect, because you can glance from one interviewer to another. It's very normal to do so, because interviewees often try to gauge the response of the interviewers.

.....

Here's a mind hack that sometimes works for me: pretend that the person already likes you, and imagine that you are one of their top candidates for the job. See the interview as just a formal step in the process.

• You've already impressed them enough with your background, education, CV or resume, application, or whatever. So it's true enough that you are one of the top candidates, if you were offered an interview.

~~~~~

I've found that anything that raises my anxiety will affect my focus negatively. Interviews are always stress-inducing, so I will typically struggle with at least one or two questions. Too long of an interview (which for me is over 20 minutes) makes it worse.

[AuDHD3245]

Look at the eyebrows, it looks like you're looking into their eyes but you're not

[Trailblazer20]

I can relate at times. For me its usually the awkward moment I'm talking to someone I've just met. I fidget too!!!Or look at pictures on the wall instead of there eyes. Then I have days where I can talk or approach anyone with no issues at all like I've known them for years. I don't get it....but it is part of me that I have little control over.