I started concerta 2 weeks ago. During this time I'm having roller coaster of emotion and my husband told me that Im starting to be aggressive and defensive with hostility towards him. We already have many problems due to my actions/no actions.
I read Dr. Russel Barkley book and was very helpful. I'm preparing to start implementing his strategies.Also, I'm thinking seriously about getting professional help but not sure if I need the help of CBT therapist or ADHD coach.
Anyone has experience with both or any?
Thanks in advance!
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Notebook24
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I've done both, and I recommend both. It depends on what your needs are at the time.• CBT is better for short-term mental health needs. You can also learn skills to help manage your mental health better.
• ADHD Coaching should help you under you ADHD better and develop strategies to address your ADHD needs. It could help you to learn skills, strategies, and accomodations to help your ADHD throughout the rest of your life.
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I went through CBT with a licensed mental health counselor (similar to a psychologist) at a really difficult time. It was really what I needed at the time, to help me get back into a better headspace.
I later went through ADHD coaching, but it was right after a big move and I didn't realize at the time that I was sliding into a depression at the time, so I didn't retain a lot. (I saved all the information that I could before I lost access to it, so I can refer to it when necessary.)
• The coaching program did give be peer support that was crucial for me at that time. It probably slowed by descent into depression. So, I was very grateful for that. But now I get a lot of peer support in online groups like this one.
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If you are going through a mental health struggle such as anxiety or depression, I recommend doing CBT first. In light of the strain in your relationship that you mentioned, it might help with that.
However, ADHD coaching might help you in longer lasting ways, which hopefully will help you to have issues in your relationship less often.
I have had experience with CBT, but not with ADHD coaching. Personally, the most helpful therapy for me by far has been something else—DBT! While it was technically "designed" for people with personality disorders, don't let that deter you. The great thing about DBT programs is that they teach you a lot of specific skills, which is something I never experienced in CBT. Often, DBT counsellors also ask you to track your use of skills, which helps you be a lot more mindful of your behavior.
Personally, my experience with CBT has been helpful in some ways, but hasn't been very effective for me in changing my behaviors. Of course, everyone is different, and I'd still recommend it if you haven't tried it. It's really great for talking through things and processing your thoughts and emotions. I've even had CBT therapists who would help me organize my schedule for the day or week!
Because I don't have any experience with ADHD coaching, all I can say is it's worth at least trying! Whatever you decide to do, it will give you a better idea of yourself and your needs. Ultimately, try both therapy and ADHD coaching if you can and see how effective each one is for you.
I hope this has provided some helpful perspective. Best wishes to you and your husband!
Hello Notebook24,As an ADHD coach I can say that there is a lot of overlap between CBT and coaching, generally speaking.
The biggest difference, in my experience, is that coaching starts where you are and with the tools you have then moves forward and adds tools as needed.
Therapy can often look back to find the root cause of a pattern of thought or behavior, create understanding around that past issue and by doing that your present and future are altered.
CBT, specifically, teaches skills, some therapy does not, as does coaching.
When looking for support allow for some trial and error to find the right fit, that is the most important part. If it's not a good fit for you it won't take you very far.
Good luck and good for you for exploring options for support. You deserve to have a peaceful relationship with others and yourself.
BLC89
Full disclosure: I am an ADHD Parent Coach. I have been married to ADHD for nearly 30 years and raised two kids who have ADHD.
Slightly off topic, but is the aggression/hostility (allegedly) happening when the Concerta is active in your body, or in the evening when it’s wearing off? Or on days when you don’t take it?
My personal experience is that the meds (Elvanse) help with aggression when I take them, but on a day off them I can sometimes be REALLY irritable.
I think it depends on what you are looking for specifically.
Coaches focuses on the present with an eye for the future.
Therapy takes your past into consideration and focuses on behavioural aspects (thoughts, emotions etc.)
Becoming a coach is relatively more straightforward than a therapist which requires extensive training (can take more than four years). Not saying that it should necessarily impact your decision. Just make sure to filter out the wrong coaches (just as one would with therapists).
Considering your case, I would go for a therapist and work on managing emotions, thoughts etc. When I got diagnosed, around that time I was working with a therapist who uses Schema Therapy. I found it very helpful to manage all the emotions that were fresh when I was learning about my ADHD initially. I also dwelled deep into my past and built some compassion and it helped me improve my self-esteem and not be overly harsh on myself. The Therapist also did a bit of coaching but that was more in the later stages such as managing time, creating a schedule, understanding my talents etc.
Getting a coach can help you build up immediate confidence but that won't necessarily help with any strong emotions that come up which you have not properly managed or let out. The same with therapy, having good coping mechanisms and having dealt with all our emotions is not guaranteed to ensure that we will always feel productive especially if we don't have the right tools in place (time management, prioritising etc.)
But in my humble opinion, it is harder to practice CBT or any other therapy which deals with your emotion without the help of an expert. Whereas it is not that difficult to learn strategies that coaches may teach you to move forward. Some may disagree which is fine, this has been my take on the matter.
I found that I could not take Concerta. I was an emotional wreck while taking it, which is not at all like me. I worked closely with my psychiatrist to find a medication that worked well for me. I also worked with my therapist. Both of them helped me get on track so I could be successful.
Regardless of which way you go, I strongly recommend you start looking into Self-Compassion and how you can impelement that in your life.
Nope, it's not about 'giving yourself a pass'. In fact quite the contrary. It takes serious work, but it has helped me tremendously to discover what that means to me as part of the basic, two pronged-approach to Adult ADHD (51 yo male, diagnosed 14 months ago. It has NOT been easy):
1. Take full responsibility for my life
2. Practice self-compassion
Once I figured out how one feeds into the other in a congruent way, I was finally able to start reversing vicious cycles and starting to build virtuous cycles. You can too.
And yes, I had to learn to contain my rage once I got on Ritalin, which simply did not work the first time around. It had disastrous results. I'm on a super low dose now for just over two weeks and I'm figuring out how to 'get under the medication' and work with it, not against it, which is what happened last time.
Regardless of whether you go with a therapist or a coach, I suggest you bring this up to them and you'll find that these two simple rules will become the glue to all interactions you have (including yourself) and you'll begin to enjoy the great equalizer they are.
You can't build a house without a strong foundation. Simplicity is key, and with Adult ADHD, less is definitely more.
I’ve done both. In your case, therapy sounds like a good start but it has to be with someone who understands ADHD. If they don’t, it can be worse than useless. I had very kind, well meaning therapists use CBT techniques that were unintentionally very gaslighting. There are plenty of therapists who use multiple strategies and who know how to mix it up. The ones I had were kind of following a CBT checklist instead of combining it with other strategies. I’ve also done coaching and it was awesome but it was after I had done therapy with a provider who understood me and after I’d started medication. All of the above have made me so much less angry - really life changing.
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