Everytime I think that I started to manage my own thought process and then control my response to my emotions and actions I return to zero baseline by doing the same thing over and over.
When I started to take stimulants and somehow got stable on Vyvanse on Monday,Wednesday,and Friday , and through out this process of adjusting to the stimulant I started to make reminders and schedules...etc which is still good and my working memory and concentration in this part are good and I'm able to accomplish in my job way more than before and I'm truely excelling!
However, my real issue is "the emotion" control, low selesteem and lack of self confidence when it comes to relationships! One of the go to actions is that my emotions go out of control in no time once I'm criticized ! it became better but then just flared up again. The other issue which is really killing me and my relationship is my big lack of confidence and low selfesteem which make me feel very hesitant, very anxious(controlled by medication" and when I face an issue to choose what to do , if there is no one to tell me what to do then I choose not to do any step . I feel like I don't know what to ! The other big issue is "I misinterpret others feelings" also I was told that I have lack of emotional memory and that my actions do not take in consideration what happened for example yesterday that made people angry for example and I just seeing them smile that means to me they are just happy and forget that they are still angry because of what happened yesterday.
Does this make sense to anyone? does medication help with the emotional control?
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Notebook24
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I want to add it seems that there is a clear cognitive dissonance that means my internal world and my actions are not aligned.My words and my actions are the opposite of each other!
Yes, if you have the means, I also think therapy is worth it for any and every one. Keep in mind that it can take some trial and error before finding the right fit. The right coach might also help with confidence.
As a lot of us are broke and most people have limited access to a healthcare system that operates as if the word 'mental' diminished the weight of the word 'health,' some random things that I find helpful, to mix and match or disregard as feels right.
Adopting a mindfulness practice that feels comfortable and right for you should also help with emotional regulation by allowing you to identify less with thought and emotions which in turn makes them easier to accept.
I also find that honest apologies benefit all parties and help to snap us out of self centered loops, as can refering to oneself in thoughts in the third person. Holding yourself accountable does not require punishment.
Staying curious and kind to self and others takes effort and practice but we all deserve it... And we all mess up, it's how we learn.
We can have a laugh at the magnificent absurdity of it all, be irritated, enamored, frustrated, enthralled, repulsed by and in awe of gorgeous paradoxes. It's all a mess but a fun one, bittersweet.
One size fits all solutions are fictional, so don't get discouraged, you'll find your way.
Except that quality sleep, the right diet and exercise is basically good for everyone, provided it's safe and reasonable for the individuals current needs and fitness level.
Everything takes time and it's okay to have fun for funs sake and take breaks, breaks are awesome.
If it's important, check your sources and more than one side of the argument.... Don't trust snake oils but, if it works, who cares if it's placebo.
Just throwing things out there in case you find one or two ideas attractive. If nothing resonates do proudly disregard, we're all unique.
The most mentally stable I've been was in AA; I am not Christian, but AA is firmly grounded in ancient philosophy, especially Christianity and I hope I don't scare anyone off by talking about dual diagnosis or religion cuz that's not where I'm going...
AA has a focus, not on quitting alcohol, but on service to others, honesty and participating in community. I'm no longer so sure I have chronic addiction problems, but I was greatly helped by AA. None of it's practices were invented for alcoholics, and I think the principle of service is of great spiritual value to everyone.
I look at it from a darwinian perspective: we are weak, slow, defenseless animals with high caloric demands and children who are completely dependent for years. Living in communities, understanding each other, and delegating labor accordingly is how we survived. We have a deep genetic compulsion to be part of a group; isolation literally drives us insane. Society today has destroyed community, told us that selfishness is a virtue, competition is necessary, and your individual skills are the only important variable for your success. Even AA has been greatly damaged by video conferencing since Covid, and I think this digital isolation is by design.
As for stimulants... I stopped taking them at 14, but at 40 I found myself falling apart. I was worried I had Alzheimer's or that a massive head injury I had at 18 was catching up with me. Amphetamines are an ugly drug. In my limited experience of drug culture, there was no worse label than "Tweaker." They have bad side effects: OCD tunnel vision, emotional instability, and dishonesty. Amphetamine side effects are practically opposite of what I think is necessary to produce spiritual health.
Another thing they say in AA is that if you fix your addiction, all of your problems that seem unrelated to drug use will vanish on their own. This does not mean that you will get better if you stop putting chemicals in your body. It means that by practicing the principles of honesty and service to others, you will automatically stop being self destructive. Again, I'm not talking about addicts; AA says selfishness is the alcoholic's problem, NOT drugs. But everyone can be selfish, and as evidenced by many ancient philosophies, acting in the interest of others is the cure.
I totally relate to all the seemingly disconnected psychic problems that Notebook24 lists in their 3rd paragraph & second post. At 19, when I started AA, I was stuck in my head; unable to connect to or understand other people. I was telling myself one story while living another. I was so concerned with being better or worse than other people and what they were thinking and how it effected me that I got locked in a spiral of what ifs, causing me to be unable to think of anything to say to anyone in social situations. A large contributor to my early success in college was that it was the only social role I understood and could function in by following a familiar script.
When I resumed taking adderall 2 years ago my ADHD clinic also provided therapy. When I was a kid I had therapy, but it was more akin to occupational therapy - one therapist was basically a math tutor who understood the AHDH thought processes, and another focused on tools like typing and the burgeoning technological resources available in the mid-90's. This was what I was hoping for when I signed up for therapy, but I wound up with a well meaning social worker who knew nothing about ADHD and (metaphorically) wanted me to lie on a couch and talk about my feelings. THIS IS JUST MY OPINION, but in my 20's I was academically successful without drugs or professional help. Emotionally, I found salvation in AA teaching me how to care for other people before myself, through action. I am now married to a non-addict, we have no community like a church, and our time is consumed by work and kids and I am not spiritually healthy. My experience with therapy was that she was focused on me coming to terms with my current predicament, cuz this is just how life is when you grow up and get a job; she practically said "stop doing ADHD stuff cuz it's bad." I'm told that occupation therapy for ADHD is now called coaching and is only available from non-licensed people you need to pay out of pocket. I think it is criminal that insurance covers a PT to coach you on physical exercise when your diagnosis is bone fracture but won't cover anyone to coach you on managing your calendar when your diagnosis is ADHD. I don't know about you Notebook24, but I don't think I need anyone to talk about coping with my feelings; I need someone to guide me in organizing my life to fit community and human connections back in to my life. The only thing I've even tried is sacrificing sleep to attend midnight AA meetings after I get my kids to sleep, but at 40, this is not a sustainable life style.
I can imagine the right therapist helping you. However I would strongly recommend finding someone who can provide concrete actions/habits you can practice in your personal life that make you uncomfortable and are based in the principles of honesty, service, and community. I would only consider therapy as a jump start though. Therapy provides isolated interactions with a professional who can never be integrated into your life as a true intimate relationship. It's a service you exchange for money and I think some things can only be given away for free. Personally, therapy could never provide me with the long term solutions I need to solve the problems you describe.
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