Possible ADHD diagnosis

[LX05]

I wonder if anyone can help at all, i have recently been referred for an ADHD diagnosis. After a long road of feeling like i'm going mad. I have OCD and have always been told i'm depressed but its not that at all. No one seems to understand and my family are not supporting of it at all. This week has been a really tough week and today i feel so lost. I had a meltdown yesterday and ended up going for a drive sat by a river and just cried after both mentally and physically i just couldnt stop. i was shaking and just felt like i was going to explode. Today ive got such a heavy head. Can i ask what people do when they feel a meltdown building. x

[Knitting20projects]

Big hugs and deep breaths. Please don’t give up. See if the healthcare providers can help reach some understanding of what’s causing you distress & how to support you. And remember that many families are very uninformed!!! Forgive me but my mom is British (I grew up in USA) & her entire family is still in UK. They’re great, but they are light years behind many people in the USA in understanding mental health issues. It’s quite stunning, actually. You’re not alone. Keep getting breaks and fresh air outside. Things will get better.

[LX05 in reply to Knitting20projects]

Thank you so much for your message. 2 if my children are autistic and ive just started working again after some years of not being in work due to caring for my boys. I’m finding that im struggling alot more i’m not sure if its where im usually in the go so much i work in a special needs school 3 days a week and although its busy its not fast paced if that makes sense. So although my minds constantly going so fast i have to slow down physically and im finding it a bit tough. Ive also got alot going on in my relationship, i find relationships so hard and often just want to run off with my boys. I caught my partner on dating sites a couple of years ago and we had separated 3x since then hes having therapy as they believe it was due to trauma that he had become addicted to sites but it still hurts so much. I seem to deal with it and then all of a sudden become hyperfocused on it and this time they hyperfocused has been alot worse where im looking on sites incase hes there again. I dont know if i will ever trust him again but then i think of my kids and what it will do to them if i can't do this anymore. He knows how i feel but he thinks we had such a good relationship before i found out that we have something to fight for but i’m just not sure because if it was that good why didnhe break my heart x so sorry for long message

[Jocelyn336]

Some of my typical strategies when I feel like that:

-Journaling

-Walking

-Talking to a family member or friend

-Deep pressure/sensory input such as a waited blanket

-Bike riding

-Warm bath

-Listening to an NPR Radio Hour story on Spotify because there are often heartwarming stories that ease my mind

[LX05 in reply to Jocelyn336]

thank you so much Jocelyn, i will give them a try x

[RavinK]

hi . hang in there dear the storm will pass... I've been having anxiety and depressive waves since the last 15 years and gone thru many therapists, psychiatrists and on anti depressants over the years.. only recent been diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 48. .. and once on the meds.. has changed my life for the better . it's still a long road ahead for all of us.. but let's take a step at a time . once we reach the top of the mountain... the view will be worth it..

[LX05 in reply to RavinK]

thank you ♥️ x

[Wasted71years]

There are virtual support groups which provide validation and understanding, important when those around us are not yet accepting and supporting the reality of ADHD. You learn that you are not along and share so many behaviors and experiences, as well as hearing the experiences and what works for others. As an example, ADDA hosts such peer support groups at add.org

[LX05 in reply to Wasted71years]

thank you for your message, i will definitely have a look at that. I think thats what makes it harder is when people around you are telling younits not that and that they dont believe i will get a diagnosis it makes me worry as my partner although we have both been through so much together the one thing hes always been is supportive, he wants me to go private as the uk waitlist for a nhs diagnosis is so long.

[OldIndigoBlue]

The emotional dysregulation associated with ADHD is no joke. And so many of us have been incorrectly diagnosed with depression/anxiety/bipolar, etc. So. Your plate sounds REALLY full. I suspect that you getting away to just sit by a river (moving water is so soothing to me) and having a good cry was somewhat healing - one thing I've learned (and relearned... I forget stuff! LOL!) is when I'm in the middle of a melt-down, is "Hocus Pocus, Change The Focus" - meaning just what you did - get away from the current environment for a break, and nature is the best place for me to regroup, to honor my feelings, and... just to change the focus.... look for 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can smell, 2 things you can touch, 1 thing you can taste (or not...). Those tricks help me. It doesn't take away the pain of the issues we all have to deal with but sometimes it helps. Also I'm just now re-reading an old book, "Tiny Beautiful Things" by Cheryl Strayed and wow.... it's another way for me to change the focus, by finding a good book that's not ADHD related... I've also read two novels recently and novels for me are an excellent way to move beyond "where I'm at right now." Takes me to a different world. "The Midnight Library" and "Eleanor Oliphant is Perfectly Fine" have literally changed me. Brighter days are on the horizon, especially if we look CLOSELY for the small joys. Hope you feel stronger soon. Such good advice in this group!!!!

[LX05]

It really is tough isnt it, ive always been like it and yet everyone just says its because lifes hard or that i have alot going on and although yes i have been through alot and life can be hectic its not that. Trying to explain to people how i feel other than my partner, and my best friend no one else understands.

Ive been awful to my partner this week i feel so bad although he has hurt me in the past not intentionally hes so supportive and when im not what feels like im going crazy things are really good. I just feel like he would be so much better off without me when he could be with someone who is just straight forward.

Getting out on friday was the best thing i could have done i had no idea where to go and then decided that i needed to be on my own with no one judging me and i can honestly say i found my spot to bring me back down it took some time i was out for 3 hours but its was beautiful listening to the water, the birds and crying i think your right it helped.

Changing focus and what you said sounds like an amazing idea i will definitely give that a go!

I wont lie i was so worried about posting but i can honestly say i am so glad i did now. You have all been so supportive no one has judged and i cant thank you all enough for that x♥️x

[Knitting20projects]

Both my kids have autism. Please I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings with the following comment. I adore and accept my children completely but it took me years to accept this reality. I would not discount the amorphous grief associated with having high needs kids who are different from the Instagram BS family portrayed by many. I had to let myself grieve the loss of what I expected vs what I have. I hope this helps.

[Luv2PlayGolf]

Hello. I'm a 58 yr old woman in The U.S. who was officially diagnosed with ADHD (combined... I.E. both "inattentive" & "hyperactive") at age of 42. Low & behold not only do I have it but I'm "a poster girl" for ADHD! I fall into the 93rd percentile on the scale! In other words only 6% of those with it have it "worse" than I do! I was professionally diagnosed by a PhD Psychologist who specializes in ADHD. She had me complete numerous tests and we had a lengthy conversation where I was asked countless questions about childhood, teenage yrs, early adulthood, how I react to "X" situation, who my "support system" is, my education level, work history, etc... Between the scores I got on the numerous tests & her assessment of my history... She was able to diagnose me as having "severe" ADHD & explained what behaviors would be associated with having it at the severity I have it. When she described countless correlated behaviors for someone having it at the level I do... I felt relieved & that "a ton of bricks was lifted off my shoulders!" My 1st thought was: So that explains it! Now I know! I was ready to celebrate because then I knew I was NOT going crazy or just "really weird" as I had been labeled by people! Needless to say... I also had been diagnosed with other highly correlated (to ADHD) conditions including: Depression, OCD, & Social Anxiety w/panic attacks prior to the ADHD testing. I also have been diagnosed with major PTSD but it's not really correlated to my ADHD. My Dr. received the test results from the Psych & began me on a daily medication regiment. WOW!! What a difference that made! On medications I can focus & stay on task! I don't have 50 irons in the fire at once anymore... I'm down to 3 or 4... LOL! I still have great difficulty at times in some social situations & w/my depression specifically: lack of self confidence & self esteem at times (I'm very hard on myself & if I complete a given task I want to do it perfect the 1st time! If I don't complete task perfectly the 1st time, I feel like a failure which ignites my feelings of depression instantaneously). I try to avoid ignorant people & make conscious effort to do so because some of these people have literally made fun of me (without knowing anything about me or my diagnosis!), put me down & treat me like trash, and refer to me as "stupid" when in actuality I am more educated than they are! I have a dual major Bachelor's Degree (Criminology & Psych), went to Graduate School to complete a very specialized Master's (Counseling w/forensic populations), & have completed a 2 yr Justice Studies program. I had intent of going to Law School. I do NOT have the time or patience to deal with ignorant, stupid people that think they know all but couldn't find their own backside with both hands & a map! So I can NOT stand being around those kinds of "Holier than thou" people & avoid them! If I am around them & they verbalize something stupid/derogatory to me... I have no issue with going off on them, up one side, down the other and giving them a whole boatload of brutally truthful, painfully honest reality! I don't sugar-coat & I make my point clear! I've even been known to go off on someone in 2 different languages in case they didn't get my point! I will ONLY do this in response to someone running one's mouth NOT to instigate!

Bottom line: Go to be tested because if you do have it... You'll feel relieved to know it & then understand a slew of things about yourself! If you do have it & begin medication... It will make a huge difference & you'll be able to focus, complete tasks, not feel scattered/stretched thin in 10 different directions simultaneously! Also, the depression & OCD are highly correlated with ADHD (along with anxiety) so don't discount them! If you do have it... That's Ok! There are millions of us that do! Just accept it (once truly diagnosed) about yourself & learn how to be the best you while managing it! I would suggest finding a good therapist after official diagnosis to learn how to manage it, excel, succeed, & continue towards your full potential. Do NOT feel as though "no one understands"... You'd be amazed how many people do!

As far as partner on the dating websites goes... Personally, I wouldn't put up with it AT ALL! No 2nd chances after that behavior with me! If he would go that far, it sends a huge, ultrabright, red neon sign message you should not ignore... He is more concerned with himself, his own desires, does NOT care about you & your issues, has no respect for you (but may pretend to at times), and is obviously NOT interested in being supportive of you whatsoever!! If he were interested in helping and/or being supportive of you... He would be online trying to learn more about the situation and educating himself on the subject and how to help & be supportive... NOT spending time on dating websites!! Do NOT settle for someone who treats you in such a disrespectful manner! You DON'T have to put up with it! You DON'T deserve it and it is NOT your fault or anything you've done that would ever deserve to be treated like trash! His behavior and total lack of respect for you IS him being abusive (emotionally) towards you! Do NOT allow yourself to be abused... You DESERVE much more, much better, & someone who accepts you for who you are, treats you with TOTAL respect always, & will love you unconditionally... NOT run to a dating website... Ever!

Good luck to you! Believe in yourself! Have enough self-respect to NOT put up with anyone's disrespectful, abusive behavior! Above all... Be strong for you & your kids (the Hell with partner! He's an adult & needs to behave like one instead of a self-centered, disrespectful, little brat! Also, he is setting a really crappy example of how a grown man should behave to your sons! His behavior is NOT a role model!). Tend to you & kids only... NOT partner (he's an "adult")! You can NOT "fix" him (partner)... He has to & he doesn't sound willing to! You can succeed at ANYTHING you set your mind to if you want it bad enough & work hard for it! If you need a "time out" to regroup take it... It's Ok! You have people who understand, will be supportive, & are willing to help you! All you have to do is reach out! Finally, having ADHD is NOT the end of the world & actually in some arenas... Is advantageous & an asset!

Take care! Cheers!

[breadandcircuses]

I really empathize with your struggle - I've been there, too. I have struggled with chronic depression and c-PTSD for most of life and was diagnosed with ADHD about a month ago (which puts some of the anxiety and depression into a new context).

I rely on my routines. I get up and go to bed at roughly the same time. I eat meals at the same time. Sounds simple, but that dependablity really helps.

My son isn't autistic, but keeping his life pretty structured and routine was very helpful in coping with him when I was really mentally ill and couldn't cope with much of anything. He and I were both diagnosed with ADHD this year.

In terms of relationships, I try to stay very self-aware and to set appropriate boundaries. I think you've learned that a lot of people in your life aren't going to be supportive in this so stop expecting/wanting that - it's probably not going to change. Pick and choose what you share with these people and if they're truly toxic, cut them out - I have done this even with family and it can be hard, but it's usually so much better in the long run.

Medication makes a bigger difference than you can even imagine. I feel like a different person these days and I'm only in my second month of taking them and don't really think I'm on the right dose yet - that takes time.

I saw someone mentioned virtual support groups and that could be really helpful. You may need to try more than one - gotta be sure you're with a group of people who fit. The great thing about groups is that you find out immediately that you're not alone in your struggles. Sometimes it's very healthy to learn you're not a special snowflake.

It's so tough to find and pay for a therapist these days, but if you can it would be a really good idea. Having someone neutral and outside of your life to talk with really puts things into perspective.

Mindfulness is also helpful and doesn't have to be formal meditation - it can just be slowing your breath when you're starting to feel like you're going to lose it. I also try to remember to stay in this moment. I can't change the past and even though my brain thinks I can, I really can't predict the future. Focus on the here and now and one thing at a time whenever possible. Walking is great mindful activity - just to slow down, calm down, and burn some energy - might be something you can do with your kids - not sure. I take a hot bath with epsom salts (I like the lavendar scented ones) just about every night before bed. Just a half hour. It's relaxing and helps me sleep.

Best of luck - wishing you healing. Take care of yourself.