Help!!!

[CraigD666]

Need some advice as I can't be the only who's had this problem. I was a chef for 18 years over those years I have burnt all bridges over the years I now find myself with no personal or professional references. How has other people got over this hurdle.

[STEM_Dad]

That definitely is a tough one.

What caused the bridge-burning?

I worked at one employer for 10 years, and the first 6 were great (I established a really good reputation and a good track record), then got stuck with a difficult boss and difficult work situation for 3 years of a downward spiral, then was partially redeemed during my last year there...but was then cut off.

• The result: I think I can rely on a good word or at least a fair word from my earlier managers and college there, based on the face to face conversations that I had with them and all the, performance reviews that I had with them over the years. But, nobody will respond to my calls or emails. (I think this was because I was unceremoniously let go...the only reason stated was a decision not to renew my contract. They didn't rehire into my position.)

• I had plenty of colleagues from the lower ranks, my peers, say that they missed me there. The others who left like me are very open to communicating with me. The ones who remained complain about how much worse things have gotten (overworked and underappreciated). I've also had old customers stop me and say how much they missed me there, and how the customer service just isn't the same.

I brought heart and human connection to the operation. (But a narcissistic boss and a meddling member of upper management were my undoing.)

The plus side...my employment record was clean. I'd only have a problem going back there (but unless they want me to turn the operation back into a high-touch customer service one, instead of the heartless "results-oriented" mindset they've adopted, I wouldn't want to return...and they'd have to pay me a lot more than they were... What I really want from them, but expect will never happen, is an apology for making me go through that hell for three years).

~~~~~

So, if you're worried about bridges, then try mending them a bit. Maybe like me you can't mend them with managing...but what about peers? What about customers?

If you want to prove yourself without anyone from your past, then do so based on your resume and your skills.

If you want to continue as a chef, then think outside of the normal interview process. Approach the owner or manager, introduce yourself and give an "elevator pitch" (2-3 minute) overview of your qualifications, the types of cuisine and cooking techniques that your specialize in, ... whatever makes you stand out as a chef.

The people in your background won't be in the kitchen with you. It's just your training, your experience, your skill, and your creativity. A chef is an artisan with food, part artist and part technical expert.

But also be as much of a goodwill ambassador for cuisine as you can be...put your best foot forward.

~~~~~

Ironically, the wide range of technology skills that I developed at my previous employer helped prepare me for my current job, which pays a lot better.

[CraigD666 in reply to STEM_Dad]

Ohhhhh that is a very long story, I had to leave catering in 2015 due to poor physical health (Primary Lymphoedema) which was diagnosed in 2013. At the last count I had worked in 43+ different establishments over Scotland and England. I have lost count of the amount of faces I've met but can barely recall any of their names. In social settings I felt very out of place so to avoid them I've become something of a hermit obsessed in learning about Lymphoedema and finding out answers and finding evidence to get the best care. While I was doing this it was then the adhd came back to the forefront was treated in the 80's but was never diagnosed and wuth this it started to click how things have been made more difficult for me over the years. Now at 41 I'm beginning to understand my attitude and how if I was shown the correct way to express emotions I wouldn't be where I am today

Thank you for taking your time to respond

[BeamBlue in reply to CraigD666]

One way you may be able to build up reference fairly quickly is through volunteer work. Given your background, maybe volunteer at a soup kitchen or food bank? During the holidays you may be able to volunteer at a church or veterans non-profit to make, serve or deliver Christmas meals.

[STEM_Dad in reply to CraigD666]

Thank you for explaining the situation in more detail.

I can understand how catering doesn't give the opportunity to build relationships with customers, and working for so many different establishments would make it hard to build up professional relationships.

Has treatment for the lymphoedema provided you with relief? (I think I had heard of the condition once before, but couldn't remember what it was, so I had to look it up.) It's perfectly understandable how that illness would make it impossible to continue to work in catering or any other chef role.

Sometimes, having to take a break from the work that you were doing can give you reason to rethink what you really want to do. Many people experience a time in their life when they choose to change directions.

• Example 1: Getting passed over for a promotion at 36 gave me the nudge I needed to go back to college study computers, and now work in information technology.

• Example 2: At my first IT job, I worked with a college student who did catering as a second job (he was a server). He was studying business and information systems, but he had very good customer service skills. He finished the business degree and then enrolled in law school. He's now a lawyer, and I'm sure that the customer service skills that he built up in catering and I'm IT support now serve him well as a lawyer. (I think he said that he had been working as a catering server since he was in his last year of high school, and the he enjoyed it, but always knew he was interested in business.)

So, have you given much thought to what you would like to do with your career? Do you want to continue working as a chef? Do you want to return to working in catering? Have you considered other career fields that interest you?

I've actually worked in other career fields than retail and IT, and I've found that there are two common factors to all the jobs that I've enjoyed and been good at: helping people and solving problems. (I'm taking that revelation to help me think where I want my career to go from here.)

What do YOU want? What interests you?

It's good that you have realized how your attitude and emotions have affected you in the past...what are you going to do with that knowledge for your future?

It's possible to make changes once you have such self-awareness, but change can be hard and might require some time in therapy. But you can always work on your social skills on your own.

(My own conversation skills improved when I started taking ADHD medication, because my poor working memory made it hard to stay on one topic, but the meds help me a lot with my memory.)

[CraigD666 in reply to STEM_Dad]

I have a plan and ive been doing different courses. A lot of these courses are all linked to adhd/autism challenging behaviour not only to help me understand my own challenges but also a possible new career journey one where I can be open about my difficulties do I can learn coping skills

[STEM_Dad in reply to CraigD666]

It's great that you're doing those courses and giving consideration to your career journey.

I've found that accepting that I will always have challenges helped me to be less self-critical, and then I was able to start finding more creative ways to adapt to my challenges.

It sounds like you're taking good steps towards improving your future outcome.

[Blue_186281_red]

I am an introvert and I think I have typical communication "problems" for ADHD - I am very goal oriented and like to focus on problems/points of conflict. I don't understand the point of talking about how nice things are or the details of a wonderful meal at a restaurant.

I have been a home health nurse since 2011 and this involves little co-worker interaction. my main professional relationships are with patients who I only see for <60 days. So networking has been non-existent.

My first job had me auditing nurse notes which built more good-will for me than I realized. I have recently called a few nurses from back then (8 years ago!) and have been surprised by their friendly response. I even got some crazy Jerry Springer level gossip about management from my first job!

Have you burned bridges, or just not recognized that you started to build a bridge? In medicine I have the advantage of LOTS of documentation and phone records where I was able to find names and phone numbers. As a chef, IDK if I could figure out this sort of data from 10 years ago but if you have old phone numbers, I'd recommend you start dialing. If your communication is like mine, maybe write down some small talk ideas. Set a goal for these phone calls so you don't get frustrated like "where have ppl in my industry taken their careers" or maybe start with some people you liked and would actually enjoy reconnecting to. I know that if my goal was "find ex co-worker with job for me." I would burn out after the first phone call.

[CraigD666 in reply to Blue_186281_red]

I've burnt bridges to the point where I wouldn't even now where to start. But I'm pretty goal orientated so I've come up with a plan. My daughters school is looking for parents to help with a school uniform shop. If I do this and actually interact I could have fellow parents to ask and I'd have an assistant head teachers reference and that could help massively for the direction I want to go