In need of Friends

[Doomann]

Hi my friends call me Dooman For over 2 years I have felt very sad and angry my face hurts daily im on a graveyard schedule so not alot to do on my days off I suffer form ADHD combined with C-PTSD (not PTSD) unfortunately this system doesn't have that as an option I have a really hard time getting along with other men, and extremely attracted to anyone who is effeminate. Im looking for friends only I have been happily married for over 28 years.

[Mamamichl]

congrats on being married so long. Graveyard shift is always hard. I couldn’t handle it. My friend has been on it for a while. C-PTSD is basically just ptsd but it’s recurring events instead of just one. I researched it because I have the same diagnosis.

[Doomann in reply to Mamamichl]

C-PTSD

Hi Mamamichl thanks so much for the response

Unfortunately for me C-PTSD is not just ptsd for me I don't know if you have read my bio yet but what happened 2 years ago to me I was assaulted and what that did was unsurepress my child hood rape, molestation, beating, child abuse from both my parents and including all the bullying i had in school. As a teen I had learned to surpress this Fear-stricken behavior and I learned to face down the bullies, but now any form of confrontations turns me into a 5 year old Hulk which instead of the ability to fight back, I instead swear in 2 to 3 word sentences in a nut shell a verbal Hulk (oddly my child hood hero) im on adderall now which is making me able to surpress my emotions again I hope you don't mind adhd makes me over share it's kind of who i am im also brutally honest like my other childhood hero (Superman) my wife as always referred to me as her Super Duper unfortunately don't feel that so much anymore.

[Mamamichl in reply to Doomann]

Seriously, you never need to apologize for over sharing here, especially with me. What you described is cptsd. I have also been diagnosed for similar reasons. My verbal hulk is strong when I have my emotional dysregulation with my adhd too.

My back story: my parents are both undiagnosed. My mom is probably adhd and my dad is for sure ocd, but neither even are interested in looking into it because they will be seen as weak. The emotional abuse I got from them is astounding. When I was a teen, my mom also sex trafficked me. Since I was also bullied in school, and didn’t want to be seen as bad like my older brother, I suppressed a lot too. I had to walk on egg shells because I saw the physical abuse my brother got and didn’t want that.

About 2 years ago, my dad talked us into moving back (I spent 20 years 2k miles away to get away from this). I thought I had enough boundaries, but boy was I wrong. My parents (divorced) still don’t acknowledge me or my partners conditions, and my dad triggered my partners ptsd after months of telling him to stop. We instantly became homeless all of last summer, lived in my mom’s rv for 17 days then got kicked out and sued for loveseat damages ($1k so she can buy more crack). They won half of their request, and I’m paying it right now. I have gone no contact with both of my parents since. Best decision for my mental health.

[Doomann in reply to Mamamichl]

Im not great at communicating my feeling but can completely understand were you are comming from in 2008 the banks stole our house caused us to bankrubt over 400k we squated in that house for almost 2 years and save our money and bought a manufactured home in a park I dont talk to my father anymore my mom was abused by my dad as well they divorced when I was 13 my dad has money I want none of and my mother used to come over and watch movies with me up untill 2017 when she had a heart attack my wife will occasionally watch movies with me but not like my mom did she was crazy but I understand crazy my wife is crazy and I love her till the end of time. Sometimes we have to look with in to get back on our feet I hope you recover from these hard times Mamamichl.

[Doomann in reply to Mamamichl]

Do you like metal Uplifting song 🎵 In this Moment 🎵

Roots

[Mamamichl in reply to Doomann]

I like roots music. Most death metali don’t like. My ex mental,y abused me out of music and I’m finally liking it again.

[Doomann in reply to Mamamichl]

I may have written it wrong the song is called Roots the band has a lead female singer the band is called In This Moment thanks again for your continued reply its very nice.

[Mamamichl in reply to Doomann]

Just listened and read the lyrics. Definitely not my style (my partner will love it though). However, the lyrics are so amazing!

[Doomann in reply to Mamamichl]

Yea never liked metal until her, closest I ever got was Steve Tyler one of the gods of my child hood along with Robert Smith, Bjork and Billy Joel

[Jozlynn]

Hi Doomann!

This is definitely a good place to find friends! I know I could always use a friend, as I don't have many due to isolating myself before I was diagnosed with ADHD, because I thought something was just inherently wrong with me. Now I have a lot of acquaintances, but in all honesty - only one person outside of my family that I would consider an actual friend.

Congratulations on being married for 28 years! And "happily" no less! I've been married (2nd marriage) to my best friend for the past 15 - also "happily".

Feel free to hit me up if you want someone to talk to!

[Doomann in reply to Jozlynn]

Hi Jozlynn So when I met my wife she wanted me to break ties with any of my friends being all women that i ever thought about in a sexual way, so the the only friends i guess would be family and any of her friends she learned quickly that I would never cheat on her she even tried earlier in our relationship to have a three way with one of her friends and that worked for her but not for me. Im a hopeless romantic you see I met my wife Aug 11th 1995 asked her to go steady Sept 1 1995 and we eloped Feb 2nd groundhogs day she has been my bestfriend, we are like the movie What Dreams may come (soul mates) my therapist says i have to make friends because my relationship is killing me emotionally, you see my lovely wife is disabled I have to do everything for her now that she is unable to take care of herself and since the assault 2 years ago im falling into deap depression altho oddly the adderall is that surpressing that this last weak, I feel petty good since they doubled the dose. By the way I have a tendency to over share. Thanks for the reply.

[Mamamichl in reply to Doomann]

I love that you are so deeply monogamous. My partner doesn’t fully understand, but he accepts well. My ex didn’t even accept. It’s partially why I left him.

[Jozlynn in reply to Doomann]

Hi Doomann!

I absolutely loved reading this! I married the first time when I was 22 and didn't really know myself yet. I fought for 13 years to save our marriage and try to turn it into a partnership vs. a roommate with benefits situation - but it didn't work out.

After we divorced, I ran into someone that I'd had a crush on since I was 12 and we reconnected. He too is my soul mate and best friend, and we've now been together 18 years and married for almost 15. Initially, he was also concerned about my guy friends who I'd ever "thought about", but like you described - he eventually became secure in the fact that I would never hurt him by cheating. I've been cheated on and the pain is unreal. I would never do that to someone I love.

I lost most of my friends because I wasn't diagnosed until late in life. For about 5 years before I was diagnosed, I became hyper-sensitive to the fact that in many social situations I felt like I was always "too much". I felt like the things that would randomly come out of my mouth made people look at me like I was nuts. So, I stopped speaking up. I stopped reaching out. All because I thought there was just something broken about me. I stopped being the happy-go-lucky, super social person and became withdrawn and quiet. I stopped reaching out to the people I had previously called my friends and basically isolated myself with just my family around me.

Today I have one person I would truly call my friend, but many acquaintances that I'm friendly with. My one true friend not only likes the weird shit that comes out of my mouth, but she also just completely gets me. It's still hard to open myself up to a friendship because I've had people I thought were close to me just all the sudden turn their back and stop talking to me without ever telling me why. I'm still a little gun shy, but I'm learning that making friends with others who have ADHD is absolutely perfect. We can communicate every day for a month, not communicate for the next month, then pick right back up where we left off - all without someone being offended.

By the way, I too have the tendency to overshare - so we should get along splendidly!

[Doomann in reply to Jozlynn]

Thank you so much JozlynnThe biggest issue since the assault is I thought all I would ever need in life is my wife unfortunately my wife suffers from multiple debilitating physical diseases as well as mental I've become her full time care giver and I work full time my therapist says I need to have some me time witch is really confusing to me because I worry about her all the time but my therapist says I can bring her with me or just make sure she has a friend or family member available for her for a couple of hours.

So thats were im at, trying my best to find friends that wont run the otherway just cause I interrupt when we are talking or seam like im day dreaming when they are talking to me or think im talking to loud because I have trouble with my internal volume.

Can't even imagine if my interior monolog started speaking aloud but fortunately that has not happened to me yet. Thank you so much for responding to me.

Doomann

[Jozlynn in reply to Doomann]

Oh wow, being a full time care giver is incredibly challenging. Particularly when it's for someone we love so deeply. We feel a need to give our all because of how much we love that person, but then we wind up depleted because we're not "filling ourselves back up". I've been there. I found that if I didn't take the time to fill myself back up through lunch with a friend, or a walk in nature, or even simply being alone and reading a book away from the house, I had less to give. I can absolutely see how much you love your wife, so take care of her by taking care of you.

I have one "true" friend who I KNOW I can be myself with. When I'm with her, I never feel "too much". She's a lifeline for me, because other than with my family, I find I'm masking with everyone else so that I don't intimidate or scare them off. I'm with you on the internal monologue - good lord. Unfortunately, mine HAS started speaking out loud and I have felt like an utter fool because of the looks I received. Because of that, I find myself almost unable to let others in to become a friend. I have a LOT of friendly acquaintances, but only one true friend - and that's enough for me. I'm lucky to have her and I know I can call and ramble at just about any time and she'll always pick up the phone.

Feel free to hit me up in the DMs if you ever want to chat. Just having someone to talk to talk to can be really helpful. You honestly seem like a lot of fun to talk to!

[LisethHIS]

Hi Doomann,

Thank you for contacting CHADD National Resource Center. I'm glad you've reached out for support. We're here to help. One way to find support and connect with others who understand what you're going through is by joining one of our support groups. These groups can be a great way to make friends and share experiences. If you're unable to find a local group, you're more than welcome to join any of the CHADD Adult Support groups. You can find more information and locate a group near you through this link: chadd.org/affiliate-locator/ Another option worth considering is working with an ADHD coach. These professionals specialize in helping individuals manage their ADHD symptoms and thrive in various aspects of their lives. You can find qualified ADHD coaches through the ADHD Coaches Organization directory (ADHD Coaches Organization) adhdcoaches.org/or through our professional directory (CHADD Professional Directory). chadd.org/professional-dire...

If there is anything else you need, please let me know. We are here to help!

Best regards,

Liseth

Health Information Specialist

CHADD’s National Resource Center on ADHD

chadd.org