I think the key thing here is the inability to take medication. I took Ritalin first for about a month and then atomoxetine, or generic strattera, and they both absolutely destroyed my ability to sleep, which made everything worse. Wow... I do not wish that on anoyne.
That said, I'm one of those dads (50yo) with a career, mortgage, etc, providing for a wife and kids (one about to leave for college) and I need to share my successes with others and partake of their knowledge and experience as well - We're all in this together.
I thoroughly understand, having been on Rx for a bit and now off, how exhausting this is without Rx during the day, but I have no choice. If you find yourself in this select group of ADHD'ers, by all means, I'd love to connect and share.
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Out of interest, were you taking Ritalin or Ritalin XL ? I take Elvanse (Vyvanse) (which has a long duration), but have recently tried Dexamfetamine (short acting), and found sleeping much easier. Overall I still prefer Elvanse, but the difference on sleep was quite significant.
If you’ve not tried tried Ritalin (short acting) it may be worth asking for a trial. Or even ask for a trial of Elvanse.
I’m also a 50 year old male (well, 51 to be precise)
I started with short acting Ritalin and my brain ate it up in an hour or less. The crashes were pretty horrible. I had to take it three or four times a day - No thanks. I started taking the longer acting generit Dexmethilphenidate, or however it's spelled, and it destroyed my sleep. I went a full week without any and almost died - No thanks.
Months later I gave it another go with atomoxetine, as that is not a stimulant. It only made me jittery and super angry during the day and this time, two nights with no sleep, followed by one night of bad sleep, followed by another six nights with no sleep - No thanks.
After conferring with the psychiatrist, he admitted that my case was very rare and that I was much better off seeking non-pharmacological solutions. He had never seen a case like mine.
Ah, I almost forgot to mention. The Ritalin induced a major (MAJOR) release of several neurotransmitters (my theory), which my brain could not cope with on about the third day out of a total month or so I took that garbage, which resulted in a total mental and nervous breakdown and I've been fighting my way back ever since.
I woke up on day three or so not knowing who I was (this is right before the sleep disturbances started), where I was, not knowing my name, how to speak, read, nogthing. My wife walked in the bedroom and looked at me and I did not recognizer her. We've been married for 23 years and together for 29 years. Hard NO.
After a couple of hours, the basics came back to me: my name, my location, my wife, a little talking, etc. By the end of day two or three I could read a little again. I was unable to write for three to four days or so. Basic neural function in all major spheres of life took about a week to come back to me. That was the scariest thing I've ever been through. I really thought it was the end for me.
I don't wish this on my worst enemy and I need to talk to people like me who do not tolerate Rx and are going at this the natural remedy route. That is all there is for me.
While most people who have ADHD can be treated with medication, there are some people for whom medication does not seem to work right. One notable authority on ADHD, Dr. Edward Hallowell, is one of that number. He has said that he had tried multiple ADHD medications, but none of them have worked for him...but caffeine does, at least partially.
Thankfully, medications aren't the only treatments available. A lot of research has been done into ADHD treatment, and some of the things that have been found to be helpful include:
I have not tried Guanfacine, but I did try Wellbutrin a few years ago and I had to stop taking it after three days because it too, sent my brain over the edge with anxiety. It actually backfired and made me massively depressed for a couple of weeks; more that I already was.
I appreciate the suggestions, but it's been 20 years, over 40 medications and about a dozen doctors. These last two, ADHD-specific alternatives were my last ditch attempt at finding an Rx that works, but they have all failed me in astounding and extreme ways.
My life continues to be very difficult and is filled with many challenges every day, but the more I learn to modulate my own brain energy and how to redirect it on my own, the better off I am. Rx are simply not for me. I do agree with you: Exercise, meditation, reading and self-discipline around structuring my days are the pillars of incremental success.
I tried a coach, but unfortunately I taught him more about ADHD than he did me and he was not much help, so I had to let him go. Bottom line: Learn what it means to be self-compassionate and learn to put it into practice in little ways throughout the day. THAT starts to crack the bricks in the 'wall of awful' that we come up against multiple times per day.
I can hear Yoda saying: 'You must unlearn what you have learned'. So true. One day at a time.
With that track record, I understand your frustration with medication.
You seem to have gained a lot of wisdom and insight from your journey, and I'm sure that it's some hard-won wisdom.
I've been lucky that I did find one, and it didn't take very long (atomoxetine, 6 months into medication trials).
But the variation from individual to individual for response to ADHD medication is mind boggling.
Yet I know that as much help as the meds give me, I've got to do a lot for myself. I went through a coaching program, and I had a lot of appreciation for it, but felt like I already knew 90% of what was taught. I'd already done my own self-study for over 30 years. (The chance to connect with other people with ADHD meant a whole lot more for me.)
I know that I can work on my habits and routines, start exercising, meditate regularly, get to sleep at a decent hour...I can make a lot of improvements. I just haven't gotten myself to get started, yet.
(Change is hard. I've had a lot of changes forced on me, but few that I've chosen.)
I am alone so long as I choose to be alone to stay focused and do what I need to get done. That said, I am never lonely. I used to be, but one very painful (but in the end useful) thing that this 'previously undiagnosed and untreated advanced adult ADHD' diagnosis has taught me is that it is much, much better for me to be alone than to spend one single solitary minute in bad company.
That has forced me to see how truly unkind, impatient and unfriendly I have been for my whole life to myself and it has forced a bit of a reckoning whereby I have started learning to be a good friend to myself.
Learning to spend time alone, yet in good company at the same time, is the gateway to much improvement across all dimensions: Physical, emotional, spiritual, cognitive, and functional. Discernment to determine whether you are making progress or not becomes increasingly self-evident: You become calmer overall, less 'drama-trauma', better impulse control starts manifesting in unexpected ways (invisible to others, but very comforting to oneself) and bit-by-bit, vicious cycles of anxiety/depression/confusion/poor impulse control/memory issues/cognitive executive function impairment, and even physical balance issues (I've experienced them all) start unwinding and reversing, building to virtuous cycles instead.
That can only be done by me; not a doctor, not my wife, not a shrink, therapist, coach, etc. Yes I am alone, but not lonely, and I find, every day, that I am in better and better company, and I have me to thank for it. That is as it should be, at the very core.
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