financial distress from adult adhd

[SierraHomesick]

hello,

i was assessed for adhd in April. I went to a therapist for depression/ anxiety and after speaking with me for a few weeks she said, I think you have adhd, inattentive. I was shocked but the more I read, the more it clicks and explains a lot. Especially my inability to manage our finances.

My husband is away for work in the summer so the finances fall to me. And I have made some big mistakes due to what I now know are because of time blindness, inattentiveness, distraction, lack of executive function. I am wondering if there are any grants for people with adhd who have gone into debt because of their adhd.

Thank you for any advice.

[BlessedLady]

No

[AdhdDiva1979 in reply to BlessedLady]

I believe they refer to this phenomenon as “the ADHD Tax” ~ it’s the extra money that life costs us because of our ADHD condition & the forgetfulness, impulsiveness, etc & their effects on our spending money for “stupid” things like late fees, repurchasing items we have but can’t find, etc. …wish I knew how to help it …& he to back the hundreds that I’ve thrown swag on such nonsense! Good luck!

[SierraHomesick in reply to AdhdDiva1979]

Wow, that’s the first time I’ve heard that. It’s fitting. Thank you and good luck to you also.

[Mamamichl]

I totally get it. What helps me is to set calendar reminders and alarms. My partner is reminded to pay all of the bills when his social security comes in and he has a list that he checks off each month.

[SierraHomesick in reply to Mamamichl]

thank you. Lists have been helpful in other areas. I should try it.

[LisethHIS]

Hello SierraHomesick, 

Thank you for contacting CHADD's National Resource Center on ADHD. It can be challenging to manage finances as it is, but with ADHD it can be more challenging. I am not aware of any grants, but here are some helpful links that can help you.  

chadd.org/adhd-weekly/more-...

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Another thing you may consider is looking for a coach that can help you develop structure and skills when it comes to tackling your responsibilities. Here are two links to find a coach in your area. chadd.org/about-adhd/coaching/

 chadd.org/professional-dire... and 

adhdcoaches.org/

If you have further questions, please let us know. We are here to help!

Liseth

Health Information Specialist

CHADD’s National Resource Center on ADHD 

chadd.org 

[SierraHomesick in reply to LisethHIS]

thank you for this information.

[STEM_Dad]

I did a quick search of grants, on response to your question, and didn't find any that seemed to match your need. (I've done this search for my own sake before, and came up with nothing. But it doesn't hurt to search again.)

There were special programs in many states across the US for some assistance during the COVID pandemic. (I got some help with rent, at one point.) But those programs are ended, or ending, as far as I know.

You can contact your landlord (if renting), lenders (if paying a mortgage &/or car payments), utilities, and other creditors to attempt to make payment arrangements (like making a partial payment, scheduling a payment a couple of weeks out, etc.).

-----

I'm in the same sort of situation.

I've been contacted by two utilities this week over late payments, and dealt with another one earlier this month. I manage to pay my rent on time, and my car insurance is the only monthly payment that I have on a schedule. My phone plan payment and a couple of others also come out when they are due.

But my my utility bills sometimes get so large that I have to split the payments. (The problem is, sometimes I forget if I've paid them or not, and then don't because I have to buy groceries.) And I'm behind on payments to other creditors.

While I was married, my wife paid all the bills except the rent. That was my one responsibility, and I was often 1-3 days late (up to 5 days, depending on if I had to wait for a paycheck). I've been divorced 1½ years, and I'm still figuring out the timing of when to pay what bills.

(I know that I need a secondary source of income, but it's got to be flexible, and preferably something that I can do remotely from home. I'll give gig work a try. I also want to start blogging; so, I can monetize the blog, but I don't expect to make much that way unless it somehow becomes popular. I mention these ideas, in case they spark some ideas for you.)

[SierraHomesick in reply to STEM_Dad]

thank you for this information. It’s very difficult getting back on track but I’m making some progress. Good luck to you. I’ve tried bees, blogs, diy furniture projects as ways to make side hustles but I only end up spending money on supplies and then the supplies sit in a corner. My impulse versus overwhelm is difficult to deal with. But thank you for the tips. I’ll keep trying.

[CheeseIt]

Hello, I separate my bills based on my pay check. So the check closes to the 31st/1st of the month, rent is paid with. Then on the 15th all my other bills. For example:

1st/31st

Rent-$900

Food-$200

15th

Utilities

Water-$125

Gas-$20

Electric -$35

Food

Cell

Wifi

(Etc.)

I round up the figures, add everything up and deduct from my pay check. If I don’t have enough to cover everything, then I’ll make a partial payment and add the difference I owe from somewhere else.

Making a basic list of what is due and when you’re going to pay it helps. Also, I pay my bills right away. Like I don’t buy ANYTHING until they get paid and whatever is left (if there’s anything left) then that is my impulse/spending money.

Dave Ramsey has great info and a bill paying list (it’s free) on his website for managing money and getting out of debt.

I also pay my bills with my debit card (as close to doing the cash system ). And I removed the overdraft coverage on my debit card. So if there’s no money (bc I’ve overspent) I’m not going to be charged the overdraft fees. The bill will still be due but I won’t be upside down bc of bank fees.

It’s not a perfect system but it works for me and it helps keep me on track. The times I’ve overspent put me in full blown ADHD crisis panic mode. Feeling that way MAKES ME pay my bills as scheduled.

But as you know, ADHD will have me forgetting how severe my crisis mode gets with money issues. So every now and then I overspend and get a good kick in the butt and reality check along with scrambling to pay a bill. So then I won’t do it for a long while.

I hope this helps!

[SierraHomesick in reply to CheeseIt]

That does help. Thank you.

And what you’re saying about how ADHD makes you forget crisis mode—I’ve been trying to explain that. I had several months of late mortgage payments but kept forgetting and then thinking it was alright?! So strange.

Anyway, thank you for your reply.

[STEM_Dad in reply to CheeseIt]

I do the same. I get paid biweekly, so it just works out.

[SierraHomesick]

Thank you to everyone who has replied. My family’s finances have come to a head. I have not been honest with my husband about where we’re at with money. He works very hard, we are a single-income family, and I have just barely pulled us back from the brink.

I feel it is time to tell him. I cannot keep convincing myself that I can somehow magically fix this “with the next check…”

I was hoping someone could help me to figure out how and when to tell him? I’m terrified.

Also what kind of solutions do I offer? I was thinking of telling him to put everything on autopay as far as bills and then give me cash for things like food, gas, etc. Is this a good strategy? I also thought that he should take me off of the bank accounts.

The problem is that he’s a wildland firefighter and needs me to manage finances while he’s gone on assignments. But that has stretched into the whole year. And I just simply don’t know how to manage money.

I appreciate any advice. I have a therapy appointment this Friday but I needed help today. I’m afraid he’ll find out before I tell him and that that will be worse.

He also does not understand “how I could have ADHD”. Neither did I until I started looking into it with my therapist and then it was, bingo! Does anyone know of any quick articles that explain this to spouses or videos?

Thank you for reading.