Nothing is working! I’m not asking for advice I’m just feeling sorry for myself.

[Kbiddle1]

My girl is 8. She is hyper, extremely defiant, immature, LOUD, obnoxious, and has no impulse control. Honestly, I think she may be a narcissist. Can you tell at 8? I can’t leave her alone because any time I do she at best makes huge messes which she never cleans up but usually destroys things that are expensive to fix and replace. I’ve tried her on 7 medications and they either didn’t work at all or helped her in school but she would then come home a terror. Ive also tried taking her off medication for the summer but now her medication manager wants to give her 3 drugs a day. That’s a lot of pill popping for not much return. I started her in school w/o them and by the 3rd day she begged me to get back on them so I started her on 15mg of adderall, a very small amount relatively speaking and I’m skipping them on the weekends. Now her teacher says she’s better in school but she is once again horrible at home. I’m not asking for help. I’ve tried a counselor, a child psychologist, 7 medications, a 504, an IEP, 6 sports, music lessons, various apps and games that are supposed to help kids with ADHD, yoga, meditation, diet, magnesium, holistic pills, vitamins, you name it. I’m so depressed. I haven’t had a social life since I got pregnant and I’ve finally just given up. I can’t find anyone willing to babysit her and not even my friends with kids want to meet for play dates. Even the ones whose kids have ADHD seem to be put out by my kid. She’s embarrassing! Im so exhausted and Im constantly mad because im losing my mind banging my head against the wall and always getting the same result (or lack thereof). I know there is no helping this but I guess I need to find ways to cope. I’m constantly frustrated. I’m so miserable.

[STEM_Dad]

Welcome to the forum. Thank you for sharing here. It can certainly be difficult to parent a child with ADHD.

I would suggest another forum on this site as well, which is specifically for parents whose children have ADHD:CHADD'S ADHD Parents Together

Since stimulant medications wear off during the day, it has probably worn off by the time she gets home from school. So, a booster dose of an instant release stimulant (e.g. Adderall) might help her behavior at home, and would probably wear off by bedtime.

Speaking of bedtime, how is her sleep? Getting adequate sleep is one of the biggest factors in a person's daytime behavior. Inadequate sleep contributes to poor functioning during the day.

You are obviously doing your best. Your daughter seems to have severe ADHD. Has she also been diagnosed with any other conditions as well? Comorbidities can have a compounding effect on ADHD

• e.g. (I have friends who were foster parents and adopted three boys there fostered as infants. All three have both ADHD and high functioning autism, which complicates their behavior. The couple did have to put a lot of effort into raising their boys. The older two are now functional adults living on their own, possibly with some help from social services. The youngest is in high school, and seems like he will be a functional adult as well.)

I hope that your daughter's treatment helps her behavior to improve. Does she have any particular interests that she engages in, that keep her attention?

[STEM_Dad in reply to STEM_Dad]

I am currently the only person in the family diagnosed with ADHD (Predominantly Inattentive, diagnosed at age 45). I have four kids, whom I now believe all have ADHD, too.

• Daughter, 29, seems to have Hyperactive-Impulsive presentation...was very oppositional in her youth

• Son, 21, seems to have all my ADHD traits...was often forgetful, like me

• Son, 11, seems to have mild Combined Presentation...a little Oppositional towards me, but not to his mom (it's regular behavior, but not as severe)

• Daughter, 8, seems mildly Inattentive

My eldest daughter wasn't diagnosed with ADHD in her youth, but now in her late 20s her doctor has suggested that she has it. She didn't make messes like your daughter does, but she was impulsive and very prone to oppositional behavior directed towards me before her teens and then towards her mom in her teens. My daughter started smoking secretly as a teenager, and nicotine is a stimulant...so I wonder if she had been diagnosed and taking Adderall or Ritalin, might it have helped her behavior and prevented her from becoming a smoker. She has gotten a lot better as an adult, but has changed jobs a lot... she's now trying to build a business flipping houses.

Now, as a divorced dad co-parenting with my ex-wife, I'm raising two kids who both seem to have mild ADHD. My own moderate ADHD makes it challenging for me (keeping my own house and raising my kids when it's my time with them, while working full-time).

• My ex doesn't think that any of them have ADHD. She didn't believe my own diagnosis at first. (I think she has undiagnosed ADHD, too. She was very impulsive in her youth and still mildly but regularly impulsive to this day.) I think that her resistance won't give way unless the kids' school were to insist they be evaluated for ADHD.

[LisethHIS]

Hello Kbiddle1,

Thanks for contacting CHADD National Resource Center on ADHD. Thanks for sharing your current life experience. I know you mention that you have done everything on the books to improve your situation. Our recommendations would be to consider family therapy, individual therapy and solo therapy for your daughter. Here's a link to our Chadd Professional Directory chadd.org/professional-dire... At Chadd we offer chadd.org/parent-to-parent/ this is a training and support for parents, or you can check out triplep-parenting.com/us/tr... Also have you mention her behavior to the pediatrician? Perhaps there is something else going on that is being overlooked.

If you have further questions, please let us know. We are here to help!

Liseth

Health Information Specialist

CHADD’s National Resource Center on ADHD

chadd.org

[Serendipitious]

When you said diet? What do you mean? What does she eat on a day to day basis? Diet isn’t something you should just try and then give up on. If your child or even an adult is consuming ultra processed and refined sugar foods on a regular basis it will have a negative impact on their physiology and mental health. If you aren’t already I would say cut out all ultra processed foods and have your child on meals based on vegetables and protein. Blood sugar balanced meals. No sweets or ultra processed snacks of any kind. There’s so much research in this area relating to how ultra processed food affects the gut microbiome and the brain.

[LaCerdita]

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sounds rough. I know you said you’re not looking for advice, but have you seen the movie The Magic Pill yet? It might help your daughter. Spoiler alert: It’s not a pill.

[wtfadhd]

yikes mama! u r going thru ALOT!!!! u gotta be so freaking exhausted 😢

sending good vibes your way

[Jalapenochips]

KBiddle1 😪 I am so sorry and right there with you. I have been through most of the same experience as you've had. Almost the same exact things you mentioned and tried for your daughter and mine is 16. I still have all the same problems except the playdate thing because she's older now. I am almost out of my mind, depressed and ready for the psych ward. I've tried the same as you since she was in school and I'm drained too. I really don't know what encouraging words to tell ourselves except "PRAY", hang in there and get support anywhere and everywhere you can 🙏