Avoiding Commitment

[hotstuff359]

I am in the early process of dealing with my ADHD (doctors' visits scheduled, etc.).

In the meantime, I'm wondering if dealing with my ADHD (diagnosed by a psychologist friend) will help me with my always wanting to avoiding commitment. This has been my situation for all my life.

I'm 73, but always have disliked making plans with friends and clubs, etc, because ahead of time I dread HAVING TO do these commitments. Once I'm there, I enjoy things for awhile, but get bored easily and want to leave. I won't join an activity because I can't stand the thought of commiting to the same activity at a certain time each week. Yet when I see my friends enjoying various activities together, I think how much fun that would have been if I was with them.

I've never had close friends because I don't want to put the time into the relationship. I'm content to be with my husband or alone doing what I/we want to do when I want to do it.

Thank you.

[TexasTripletMom]

I have some of the same issues: I hate being locked into something, but on the other hand having plans or a schedule is a kind of structure & security.

Wondering, too, if you might be more of an introvert, & feeling bored might be "done with the presence of people."

It's a heck of a trip, but good luck on the journey!

[ChuckMemphis]

this is me! But for much of my life I muscled thru to attend the parties, join in, etc. Now I’m more honest w myself. Having plans makes me feel boxed in, most of those situations drain my energy etc. My world has gotten smaller, and sometimes that makes me sad. But I have more to give my two teens, work and husband.

[Keeks23]

Good morning. This is why sharing stories is helpful. I actually have the opposite [somewhat] situation. I am super extroverted and never met a party I didn't like. Now, I say "somewhat" opposite because I was not a joiner or activity person either, My diagnosis came 13 yrs ago at 50. However, based on my history... it was there all along.

Lack of preparation, not arriving or signing up on time were a problem ... going back to Girl Scouts at age 10.

Now I own a biz, work a 2nd job, see friends and have been as active as my schedule allows at church events and groups. But still no consistency... which, as you noted could just BE the way it is.

I sometimes think it would be nice to be the girl who gets to the beach gathering early for a good parking spot, with everything I need neatly packed and little snacks in ziplock bags.

Sunscreen applied, hair all pinned back.. etc.

It is a good goal to have cause life can be more comfortable and I do try. The difference is, if I don't make the mark... I don't care as much now.

But, saying NO to invites for me is a good exercise because I often need R&R time [regroup and reflect].

Conversely, saying a selective YES for you is a good exercise. Maybe figure out which things you like or always wanted to try and stick to them. Then just do the things at home if it makes you happy. You could catch up on calls, video chats or online events to stay social and connected.

Lol I think cards every Wednesday for years would make me stir crazy... but getting to a salsa class one week, a lecture the next, a happy hour the next, bingo the next....yeah!

Go with your gut and your ❤️.

Best!

[Gettingittogether]

Lots of people have this issue and not just people with ADHD. This may be an anxiety problem. And it's a brain problem in that you keep forgetting how much fun you have when you do go out.

There are a lot of people out there, who are like this. I have gotten to the point where I have trained myself NOT to back out of going out once I've said I would. And I talk about how bad my "joy prediction" meter functions.

But again, you might have anxiety issue as well. Really the best step is to find a really good therapist. There is no simple "quick fix" for this.