Career, work, job, money…

[michael682]

I quit my job at FedEx office because they didn’t value me. Now I was working at a gym doing graveyard but quit that because I needed sleep and wasn’t sleeping.

Wife and I are tight on finances but don’t qualify for financial support.

I’m trying to find a good paying job but I decided not to finish college because I wasn’t progressing at all.

Now I feel like a bottom feeder trying to make ends meet. I have the heart of a god and the passion of a crazy person when I find something I’m good at. “ I think we can all relate to the passion and drive”. But my problem is nobody sees me. I’m back in this world of feeling invisible.

I’m definitely depressed again and my anxiety is through the roof. Constantly causing problems in my marriage. But I’m so broke that I can’t go see a psychiatrist and pay for meds. We just set up an appointment for a marriage therapist to help mend some wounds but I just feel so helpless and I can’t help but put more pressure on myself every day.

I’ve applied for about 35 jobs in the last month that meet my financial needs but nobody gave me an interview.

My resume is strong but because I never finished school they won’t consider me as a candidate.

Have you guys had any success stories that may give me hope and drive?

Does it get better for people with adhd or is it just luck of the draw???

I’ve joined a support group that meets every Sunday and I went this past Sunday “Skype”.

It helps a little but the feeling of hope just dissipates as my life keeps going.

Anyway I hope everyone else is doing okay.

Thanks for reading.

[STEM_Dad]

I'll start with some general advice I was given a long time ago, for future reference because you aren't in a job presently. "Don't leave a job until you have been offered another job." I can't remember who told me that, but it was probably my parents.* I'll admit to that advice keeping me in a terrible job situation for three and a half years (I spent the latter 3 years of that time actively looking for another job, but I was being too picky about wanting to stay in my career field, and didn't apply for many jobs outside that scope).

However, I've recently learned a more general version of that statement (I heard it regarding relationships, but it applies to every area of life). "People don't leave what they have, unless they think what they're leaving for is better." (Credit: Dr. Joe Beam of MarriageHelper.com, maybe he didn't say it first, but he's the first person I heard this from.) This is not a principle to live by; it is an observation of human nature. The truth is, we ought to question when we feel we want to leave what we have. That doesn't mean leaving one thing to go to another is wrong, that doesn't mean it's right, it just means to look at the decision from different perspectives.

* To you, leaving each of those two jobs seemed better than staying in them. You gave your reasons you left each, so we readers aren't wondering why. I can understand them. (I did work a couple of night jobs, so I understand being sleepy all the time. In one job, it took me about 6 weeks to get used to being up all night and sleeping in the daytime. Still, I found that the key for me to staying awake all night was staying active and keeping my brain engaged, variation of stimulation needed.)

* I understand the need to get the help you need for anxiety and depression. I've been there. You can ask the psychiatrist if they can do "pro bono" (no cost) or "sliding scale" (low cost). You may be able to get a counseling referral through a community assistance program or an unemployment program.

* I completely understand the need to work on your marriage relationship. I fought for my marriage, but waited too long before I started doing so. And so, I commend you for working on it now. I did find a lot of useful info while I was trying to save my marriage, which I wish I'd been using all along. Here's an article that explains a lot of good points that might help. marriagehelper.com/stay-mar...

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What kind of work did you think you were best at?

What work did you most enjoy?

What kind of work environment do you both like working in and is also a good fit for your ADHD?

What were you studying in school? Was it really an interest of yours?

What have you worked in that seemed a good fit? Was it the particular work field, or the type of work?

(I also didn't finish college, but I studied computers and engineering. My work history is mostly customer service. So, I ended up working in technology support... helping people with tech issues. I'm a natural at it, and because it's entry level work in Information Technology, it was somewhat easy to get into. I tried various jobs, mostly retail, the first 17 years of my career. I've been in IT for the last 11.)

For me, work interest requires novelty and problem solving. Work motivation and satisfaction come from helping people. So, I help people solve problems they cannot or don't know how to solve on their own.

[BlessedLady]

Have you gone to the link below and looked into insurance? Also there are sliding scale clinics and teaching hospitals. Have you looked in Pell Grants and other financial assistance for school?

healthcare.gov

[Doodledoodledoo]

Have you considered serving/bartending at a restaurant? Every restaurant I know is hiring right now and you don’t need a degree to do that. I’ve worked in food service my whole life and I find it very compatible with ADHD because it’s social, it’s always changing, it’s fast paced and you can sorta hyperfixate on each table and then the slate gets wiped clean for each new table. It’s not easy work, but it’s a flexible schedule and you can make good money at the right place. It’s also a great skill to develop as you are looking for other work in other fields because you can always find a restaurant that needs servers and bartenders so you can pop in and out of the industry as an in-between job.

Cons: it can be stressful, you can often feel undervalued, if you are a woman there is often a lot of gender discrimination & harassment from patrons and bosses/coworkers unfortunately. Also I haven’t waitressed in a few years now, but I still have stressful restaurant dreams where I forgot someone’s fries or I’m juggling too many tables!

If it’s not your life’s plan to be in food service, that’s ok, it’s a great buffer/temporary money maker as you are looking for something else or training/in school.

Also one last thing: you are not a “bottom feeder.” No one is. Work is hard to find and keep, especially with ADHD. Try to have some more compassion for yourself as you carry on with your job search, would you tell your out-of-work friend that they are a bottom feeder? No. We are often very hard on our selves in ways we would never be to another person. You’ve got this! You’ll find something! You put in 35 applications, which means you’re working hard to find work and that’s impressive!!

[Hidden]

Hi Michael, thanks for your post. I can relate to everything you said in your post. I wasn’t formally diagnosed with ADHD until two years ago, in a new job after staying in the same one for 28 years, and I made the move at 50. Huge risk, new industry, gigantic learning curve. This is the first time my ADHD kicked in and I knew something was not right. I could remember things, could wrap my head around big projects, and my executive function was non existent. My reviews, even this year, have been the worst of my career. It deflates one’s self confidence, causes depression and extreme anxiety. My brain was always going 200 mph, working on what it thinks is more important and not priorities. I saw my doctor, have a psychiatrist, and started on meds. They helped from the first one. Lost of options now for treatment so it might take some time to find the right one and dose. That’s okay. There’s also treatment now available with services over the internet that do virtual treatment. I decided to try that and am very happy with it.

[STEM_Dad in reply to Hidden]

I developed severe anxiety in one job. I was at the same employer and department where I had flourished for the previous six years, but I was asked to transfer to a different team because I had the experience that was needed.* It was work issues that caused the anxiety, mostly with my new boss at the time (and the department director who asked me to take transfer under that manager, but didn't do anything to help the issues caused by the manager and acted against me transferring back).

When I finally got treatment for my anxiety, the severity of my Inattentive ADHD traits had tripled, at the very least. It was then fairly easy to be diagnosed with ADHD. I've masked my traits well over the years, but the people I work alongside day after day are definitely aware that I have attention issues.

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I have found that the following can magnify the severity of my ADHD:

Anxiety, Depression, Worry, Lack of Sleep, Stress (as an anxiety trigger), Work Overload (as a stress trigger), Mistreatment by authority figures (as anxiety trigger)

Eventually, I did realize that I had to *mourn* the loss of the first job I both loved and excelled in, my six and a half years at a computer help desk. (Most people use that job as a stepping stone, but for the first time I felt like it was a job I really belonged in.)

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Can you pinpoint anything that may be triggering stress, worry, anxiety or depression?

Leaving the old work? Change to the new? The pace? The type of work? The working environment? The employee dynamics?