A job offer : I just got a job offer... - CHADD's Adult ADH...

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A job offer

Annegables124 profile image
Annegables124

I just got a job offer yesterday. I told them that I’d have to think about it. The position is a deli clerk and I was at first real excited about it, and I was ready to take the cons, but then my parents were all worried I couldn’t handle it. Because it’s a lot of work and I’ve got a learning difference and stuff and so they’re worried it’ll be too much for me. This hurts me because I want them to believe in me. They do, but I felt like they didn’t. And I mean, I was so excited about this because for a long time, I’d want to feel useful because I watched others looking great working and being an upstanding citizen, and due to my insecurities, I never felt like I could do anything, and now I have a chance and my parents unintentionally discouraged me. Now I’m really scared and this decision is causing me a lot of stress! Help!!

8 Replies

You should try it out for yourself despite what your parents think. If you’re excited about it, chances are you’ll probably wanna stick with it because it interests you, it seems like a job where you’re able to move around and learn a lot and it wouldn’t be the end of the world if you found out later it’s not a good fit. You really won’t know unless you give it a chance, you know yourself better than anyone does and if you feel capable you should give it a try. I’ve had jobs where I thought it was a good fit but it wasn’t, but when I did find great fits I actually stayed for year and learned so much!!

Go for it! No harm done if it doesn’t work out. It’s unfortunate that more people don’t talk about jobs not working out. There’s such a stigma to being “fired” causing us all to fear going forward new opportunities. Some say failure is a sort of triumph, as long as you went for it. Be confident, do your best and if it’s not for you, you’ll find a new opportunity. Good luck!

Annegables124, being offered a job at the VA is not easy to secure. You should be proud of yourself for having the offer. The VA also VERY accommodating and will have understanding to your situation, just talk openly with your boss ‘after’ you start and you might be pleasantly surprised to find how they will work with you. The VA mission is based on helping people, and it’s a great place to set yourself up for a lifetime job with incredible benefits/retirement.

Your parents likely have your best interest at heart, but it may be misguided if they don’t know the VA system. So go forth and make yourself proud! They will soon learn how wrong they were!

One gift I’ve found with ADHD is that I’ve gotten really comfortable with failing. We just don’t always fit in to the world made for neurotypical people... and sometimes things don’t work out. But every time we fail we can evaluate our strengths and weaknesses and pick a better fit next time. My first job lasted only a few months. I learned I hated a desk job, I hated working on a computer all day, and I needed to be on my feet and talking to people. 15 years later I have found a career that I enjoy which fits my needs and strengths... I truly love going to work. I wouldn’t have learned what I needed if I hadn’t had many failed fits along the way. Congratulations on taking the first step! Remember, failure (even complete epic disasters - been there!) can be a great guide and learning experience. Do it!

artnmusic profile image
artnmusic in reply to ADHD33

Good advice, thanks for sharing. I would echo all of these encouragements to give it a try! Also adhd33, I am very curious about what kind of work you have found that you enjoy. I’m teaching music for young children and families and it’s been a real lifesaver for my self esteem to do something creative that I’m good at, and yes, on my feet or moving around, not at a desk! Im looking at expanding my repertoire though and very interested in what people with neurodiverse brains do for their occupation/vocations. Thanks!

Yes to all of the above! Give it a try! If this is your first job, it will be a VERY valuable experience for you to find out what you like to do and what you don't! We all know with ADHD if we don't like doing it, not much chance it will work for us! Then when you go forth looking for other jobs, you'll know what types of activities and tasks you liked, and which parts you didn't.

Just make sure not to think of it as "I do or don't like doing a deli clerk job" - consider each aspect of the job that you like or don't like, or are good at vs not good at, and why that might be. E.g. do you like helping customers because you enjoy talking to people (or vice versa), or do you not like cutting the meats because they are wet and you don't like the texture or feeling on your skin (or the feeling of the gloves etc.), or because you aren't a fan of the precision required to cut the slices to the correct thickness, etc. Perhaps there are characteristics of certain people that you work with that make a task challenging rather than the task itself. Or maybe relying on others to do a task before you can do yours makes your job easier or difficult.

Consider whether you can overcome those to persist with the job, or if they are insurmountable or intolerable for you at this time. Focus on the positives too!

Keep in mind that there are some aspects to every job that we won't like, or won't be very good at. That includes me. I just got a big promotion to the highest level of my company and there are certainly aspects of my job that I don't like as much as other aspects and that I'm not as good at. That hasn't held me back and it hasn't prevented my peers and bosses from seeing that I'm good at my job overall.

We believe in you! Either way you will come out of the experience knowing more about yourself, and that is always a good thing. Most of all have FUN with a new learning experience!

i think its so cool that you are in touch with your “ rejection sensitivity stuff” and although you feel hurt- you absolutely have trained yourself to understand that your parents reaction/fears/ etc was coming from a place of love vs not believing in your capabilities. that alone is proof that you are capable of amazing things!!!someone on this thread wrote that us with ADHD get used to failing alot so it doesnt bother us so much! omg i laughed at that because its so raw n real n true and spoken like a true ADHD’er!!! you received some good advice from the others so good luck with whatever you decide to do!

Anne I want to echo other things I'm reading about believing in yourself despite what the parents have put in our heads, because finding work we are excited about for more than a day is hard enuff (!) but I also want to offer 2 things that were unique to my situation but perhaps others will find something in it:

1) I really had my confidence deflated by my dad when I first excitedly announced I was going to move to LA. The way he bellowed his disapproval left a visceral rupture in my stomach (3rd chakra-confidence!) and that trauma took almost 14 years to recover from. If you feel like their words get into your body and soul, know that trauma work is a very good thing to look into because some of us are just super sensitive like that, but that it is possible wo getting addicted to pills/weed/alcohol/food/etc to numb those pains .... but this is why I distanced myself from them, there are also great reads in this forum about Rejection Sensitivity ... forgot the name of it.

2) the other thing is about our parents. I have discovered they were supportive in their own way. Maybe their helicoptering was too much when I was growing up but now, looking back, Im so grateful they wanted to support me for longer than they should have, maybe they knew my earning limitations as I followed my dreams, and not to insult me or cuz they didnt believe in me but because they didnt believe in the world. Or they mistrusted the world. So that's really what's come to light for me, that a lot of the disapproving from them is not a lack of confidence in me - because I am believing in myself more and more. I am seeing they have a lack of trust in themselves and they have been projecting it onto me for a very long time. If they don't know the environment you are going to work in, then their fears are valid, but they know just as much as anyone starting out and you are willing to face the job head on!

Keep the excitement, it will be your superpower and all the people interactions will be wonderful, you'll be so good at that part! Imagine yourself going thru the duties of the job, and step into that version of it!

Best of luck!

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