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[Loshvi]

Hi I was diagnosed with adhd a year ago..even though I was diagnosed with adhd nobody believes me that I'm having it. They all r saying I'm normal I acted normal. I dono how to prove them that I was masking al my life.somehow after Lotz of emberscements , hurts, rejections I finished my bachelor's degree. Even though I gained a bachelor's in engineering I'm still unemployed for 5 years. I'm not even consistent with my intrest in career choice. I'm so worried about my future. I wish I initiate some small job atleast to build a confidence. But those fear of judgements and rejections are holding me from doing anything. I feel shame and lonely all the time..I don't even know how to search for job wer to start and all.. feeling hopless but with a little hope that one day I IL survive all theses struggles.

[SilverbackG]

Hi,

You are in a challenging transitional space; you finished your college degree (congratulations on this accomplishment, it IS a big deal!) and you are moving on to a "adult job" that may or may not be your future "career." I was in this space a long time ago, yet still remember how hard it was. I had no idea what to do and how to choose a path. Focus on caring for yourself, and exploring all types of jobs, even small, part time things. I didn't know I had ADHD, but I thought I was just a "mess" and an "imposter." Masking ruled me, as I tried to fit in a box or a slot that someone else thought I should be or do. Keep trying stuff, throw away things you don't enjoy, just move on and try a new thing. You will discover that some things up your energy, make you feel alive and free. Follow those things. I did a lot of journaling, so i could dream big on paper then reflect as I moved forward. I still have those journals and it helps to see how I carved my way in life. You will find your way!

[Loshvi in reply to SilverbackG]

Hi thankyou so much for sharing your experience it really means a lot.😇 Definitely IL start writing journals consistently..

[neuroadhd]

ADHD can really mess with your head. We are our own worst critics. I am usually beating myself up about how I've wasted my life and I should be further along. Once I embraced that ADHD is a disability and a real impairment, I showed myself more grace. I need accomodations on the job. This is something I never would have admitted or asked for in the past. I masked my entire life. I'm 48 and finally accepting who I am and my impairment. I have a lot of education but struggled with finding jobs that matched my abilities. Now, I really don't care anymore. I just accepted a job that will challenge me and help others with disabilites. This is the work I want to do and at this point I just don't care what others think. I taught in a high school for almost 20 years and it was a miserable experience. I only stayed because my kids needed stability. I took off the mask about 3 months ago. Most people think I'm neurotypical because of outward appearance. It's an invisible disability which makes it hard for others to accept, how can this person be so _______ (fill in the blank) and have a disability. If your state has vocational rehabilitation, you might want to apply. They will provide a counselor and some additional tools if you qualify. Chin up!

[Loshvi in reply to neuroadhd]

Hi thankyou so much for your reply . It really means a lot . I will definitely apply for vocational rehabilitation.😇

[BeamBlue]

There is no one path for everyone. Try volunteering, it is a great way to learn about different types of work and potential careers. Typically charitable organizations are very happy for your help and are positive environments to be in. Meeting other volunteers and staff can be a good way to learn about other types of careers. Plus helping others may help you feel good too. Check out animal shelters, library, habitat for humanity, etc. for opportunities in your area. Sending you lots of positive vibes!

[Loshvi in reply to BeamBlue]

Hi thankyou so much for your reply it really means a lot. I definitely will try volunteering😇

[Wasted71years]

Hi Loshvi

Congratulations on achieving a degree, something only a minority of those with ADHD manage to complete.

I found over my career that I was unconsciously drawn to jobs that fit my ADHD nature (which I didn't realize I had until after I was retired). I found roles that had steady novelty, minimum routine and paperwork, changed both in the location and the details of the projects.

I fell into programming early on as I could often find some new challenge, new approach, new set of language features as a novelty. The bulk of the task was boring and my ADHD characteristics caused plenty of problems. I vastly underestimated the time to complete projects, I was terrible at time management, I procrastinated before starting and I was often late arriving at sites or meetings thus seen as unreliable.

That resulted in a string of 1-2 year jobs before the ADHD impacts outweighed the work I did produce, after each place gave me leeway and forgave hoping I would 'straighten up and apply myself'.

When I began working for a company which sold computers, where I could learn the new aspects of the technology and visit many different potential customers and installed sites, work with different sales teams and fly all over the world, I was able to get the dopamine fix to keep me employed there for about 18 years, until the job duties shifted to those that did not have the novelty and required lots of discipline.

I found another job where I could dabble in new technologies, speak in many ways all over the world to clients, in conferences, and meeting the industry providers talking about new products or features. That too worked for almost 18 years until an increasingly metric focused management began to demand that I do less of the new and exciting tasks, spending more time on paperwork and routine activities. It didn't matter if my overall metric achievement was way above average, if I missed any of the rut, boring categories I was in trouble. That ended badly for me.

I shared all that to tell you that you can work out the types of work and the jobs where you will do better. It takes self knowledge and a decent amount of luck, but it is possible. Maybe you will find an area related to engineering where the team you are on only tackles brand new or previously unsolvable situations. If you can avoid getting promoted to management or report writing, but stay in the individual contribution level, you may get some joy from work.

First you will have to forgive yourself for the sins and failings you have accepted about yourself - know what is ADHD and therefore not personal failings. Acceptance will help you lower the masks a bit and feel more connected to people. Hopefully family and friends will learn about ADHD and understand what life is like for you and why you hid it.

Having inconsistent career goals is very normal for ADHD. The shiny new field or interest always draws us away from the project or interest we had previously committed to. I have a string of uncompleted projects in my past, as well as past interests in many different fields.

Get to know yourself, in the light of really understanding ADHD, accept yourself and rewrite that internal history where you hammered yourself and beat down your self confidence. That may take counseling, introspection, medicines, and more, but it will be important for you to live the happiest and most fulfilled life going forward. At least now you understand why this has been your past experience - that is the key to turning things around.

[Loshvi in reply to Wasted71years]

Hi thankyou for sharing your experience it was really inspiring and means a lot ...definitely I will keep on trying..very true that now I know what's the problem which better than my past ( of having no clues of what's wrong with).I will keep trying ..

[Eubear]

Congratulations on earning your degree! That is a HUGE accomplishment.! You should be proud of yourself! I tried but never successfully earned even my associates degree. I couldn't complete an Engluah Composition 2 course.

[Loshvi in reply to Eubear]

Hi thankyou so much for your reply IT really means a lot.