New to the forum, newly diagnosed, need some encouragement

[blueballerina]

Hi everyone,

I recently got diagnosed with ADHD this past september 2020. Prior to that I battled with depression and an eating disorder. I have felt very alone through this journey...I am currently 28 years old.

I suppose you can say I have been very high functioning while compensating for my struggles as I have achieved a lot in my career. However, this is never enough for me. Not sure if anyone can relate? I feel like sometimes I am so empty or numb....this has been a constant since I hit my late teens. Can anyone relate as well?

I am taking vyvanse and about to switch to ritalin...I also take pristiq for anxiety and some depression. I am under therapy and regular check ups with my neuropsychiatrist.I definitely have days when they are better than others but some days life feels so...blah? Not sure how to explain it. As I mentioned before...career wise I have excelled but in romantic relationships I have failed miserably (currently healing from a breakup ). I now have zero desire to date or meet people...I love staying at home with my pets and to be honest I am not motivated by much but at the same time feel so alone and alienated. Is this because of the lack of dopamine ADHD patients experience? is this normal? Any hope? I truly hate feeling like this...eating is also such an inconvenience at times unless I go to the gym and lift heavy weights (this is the only thing that keeps me sane and eating enough).

end of rant...I so appreciate any input or words of encouragement, I feel very lonely.

Thank you

[YerawzrdKel]

Apologies in advance for my novel reply...Have you looked into “masking” with ADHD? The one thing so many people do with untreated ADHD is to create multiple camouflages to overcompensate and feel belonging in a neurotypical world. One of the biggest reasons I refused to admit I had ADHD at first was because I was such a rockstar at work! Like flew and excelled in everything I learned. I read 50 books a year and studied multiple majors. And thus, common misconceptions...”You can read 50 books in a year and you have ADHD?” Yeah, I can. Because I need to escape and reading is my escape but also, I can’t read in silence so I’m going to need to put my headphones in and turn on some Ludacris so I can focus on my book. (Yeah, hi ADHD!) And another, “you’ve studied multiple majors, how are you struggling with ADHD?” Yeah, I actually can’t decide what I want to be and can’t choose one main focus so instead I just decided to learn it all. (Hi ADHD!) I prefer hyperactive fast paced startup environments. Zero structure and no processes or policies. I love to come join and BUILD all those processes and automate workflow. Then when it’s all done, I’m done and on to the next startup. This helps with my work life balance and have only learned this from experiencing a hard, hard burnout that took many months to recover due to masking all my life.

And relationships? Not easy. Not easy at all! Research. Communication. Treatment. This all comes with time as you learn to manage your ADHD. Being in a relationship with a neurotypical person is difficult without real and honest communication but it is 1000% possible.

[Cljm]

I think for me accomplishing all of the regular things that are expected of one leave me too mentally exhausted to have “extra” time to put into relationships or friendships right now. Particularly if plans are involved. Spontaneous, low key gatherings maybe... I just seem to require a vast amount of time to recharge. So awesome you are lifting weights!!!