If you’d rather have a computer read this to you, than read the whole thing yourself... here you go.
soundcloud.com/pump_kin_pum...
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I'm 25,
I live in India (One of the holy grounds for bad mental health Care, purely due to negligence. )
& I recently discovered that I might have ADHD (Or am a dysfunctional INTP (or) I'm an INTJ with ADHD.)
Then I figured out I was Diagnosed By the time I was 10 years old. The report said my parents visited the doctor because they got complaints that I was being "very lazy, had a bad handwriting, was Inattentive and had horrible spellings."
The Report Said I have dyslexia & ADHD.
my Parents completely hid the fact from me. And according to what I have learned from the Internet. I got HORRIBLE care for my condition.
So I visited a psychiatrist a month back. And She's not taking my situation seriously.
She thinks only extreme Cases need coaching & Care.
And all I need was "medication & trying my best."
Basically, her Conclusion was "I'm just being lazy because I'm not Struggling enough." (i.e. losing Control And physically assaulting the people around me due to impulsivity.)
and according to her, my 128 I.Q. does not matter ( I know it actually doesn't in real life.... but it's a bit disheartening to see Stupid fks perform Better than me just cause they aren't handicapped.)
according to her, I should simply accept the fact that I have learning difficulties On top of ADHD (which doesn't matter according to her, because the first thing she said to my parents after I left the room was... "Adults don't have ADHD."), and she wants me to just, accept the fact I'm going to struggle to be average.
Because I got a U.G. degree in engineering She thinks I'm fine. Only I know Just how much I Struggled to barely Clear that. Even then, I took an extra year to get a degree. & she knows this. and She knows that experience Gave me Crippling depression, anxiety & mild PTSD.
so NO!
I DON'T CARE ABOUT MY LIMITATIONS.
I'm writing one of the toughest competitive exams in the country now. And...
I want to be the BEST, I want to be better than everyone who's On my track. or at least I want to try my best. ( Best = it's literally impossible to do any better, because my body would Start failing and my mental health would be at risk )
I feel like I need a Better Coach / medication / doctor / psychiatrist / psychologist / psychotherapist
To actually help me, reach my goals by
1) Putting Systems in place, to keep me organized.
2) prescribe proper eating & dietary habits.
3) regiment my day in a militaristic fashion for the most optimal use of time. (i.e. turn me into a productivity machine)
4) Guide me on how to organise my Study, Plan, and regiment my Study schedule.
5) monitor, analyze and Calibrate the efficacy of my Plan & progress.
6) Consistently push me to be better than yesterday's self and Better than Everyone around me.
7) Keep me @ a point of "Consistent-Growth-Oriented-Failure." ( i.e. I must always be failing, because I'm always trying to achieve things beyond my reach. and as a result, make progress at an "exponential rate")
8) track all aspects of my progress, failure, habits, behaviour, mindset, environment, performance, etc... Every. Minute. Aspect. that affects them (both positively & negatively). and help me manage & optimize then to ATTAIN PEAK PERFORMANCE.
9) (optional) Also help me be a better person.
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How / Where Can I Get these???